Why don't 19y/o males THINK?

[nermal71]

My 19y/o is out on his own now. It's the first mother's day that he will not be living at home. He knew I was upset about the whole thing because I am still adapting to not having him here. He tells me for mother's day he's coming home for the weekend and gonna spend it with me. I haven't heard from him about it in several days.... then this morning I called him to find out what time he'll be home tomorrow so that I can plan dinner, etc. He says real casual-like.....sometime after 8am...on Sunday. I asked him to repeat what he said thinking I heard him wrong. Nope... he's going to go to his Uncle's to play video games Saturday night....but he'll be here sometime after 8am on Sunday. Now I'm trying not to be clingy and I've been doing really well.... I only call him twice a week unless he calls me. I don't text him constantly. I know he's an adult and I'm trying to respect that. But darn it he has me so mad at him right now. I could understand if he had to work, or if it was school related... but to go play vid games at my brothers house? GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! Part of me wanted to just say don't worry about it and don't waste the gas for Sunday...but I realize that would be childish and I'm trying not to act that way. <Sigh> I miss when he was 5y/o LOL

 

[hartleybun]

:hugsquish:i get the impression that your son is enjoying the novelty of being his 'own man'. he's going thru the 'i can do what i want when i want cos i dont live at home no more'. this should wear off eventually. he's flown the nest! however, he should realise that when he has agreed to something, such as mothers day, then manners should prevail. it is only polite that he tell you when he will be arriving. it doesnt do to let them get too casual:biggrin:

 

[Brandy456]

Hehe, My brothers don't come here until right before dinner.
All I can say, and hopefully you don't take it wrong is; at least he's going to visit you on Mothers day.

 

[countrybuns]

That would make me so sad!! I hope my kids never grow up!!

 

[degrassi]

My brother(24yo) does this too and so do my guy friends.I think its just a guy thing.

3 weeks ago was my mom's 60th birthday and my brother said he would come up and spend some time with my mom. My mom was really looking forward to it and got the guest bedroom ready. Well my brother calls on friday night saying he's tired and instead of driving up that night he would come the next morning. Then saturday he spends driving up and then visiting with friends. He's also renting out his condo so he planned to paint a few rooms while he was up here too. So basically we saw him for a few hours the whole weekend(went out for supper and had cake) because he spent it with friends and painting, then slept over at his condo since he was too tired to come to our house after painting. My mom was pissed! He tells her he is coming up for her birthday weekend and he doesn't even spend any time with her!

So you aren't alone. Guys can be tools about these sorts of things. I dont' think they get how much it means to moms when they spend time with them.

 

[EileenH]

Neither of my brothers visit my mother anymore on Mother's Day. "Too much traffic". But they don't come another day either. I don't care, but I know she is hurt, though she maintains she doesn't care and "wouldn't want them to get in an accident on her account".

As the sibling, I would love to tell them not to bother to come to her wake/funeral when her time comes, because I know traffic can be difficult. But..that too, would be childish.

 

[Pipp]

hartleybun wrote:

:hugsquish:i get the impression that your son is enjoying the novelty of being his 'own man'. he's going thru the 'i can do what i want when i want cos i dont live at home no more'. this should wear off eventually. he's flown the nest! however, he should realise that when he has agreed to something, such as mothers day, then manners should prevail. it is only polite that he tell you when he will be arriving. it doesnt do to let them get too casual:biggrin:

:yeahthat:

 

[missyscove]

As a 19 year old female, I agree that 19 year old males never seem to think, but I can also see where he's coming from to an extent.
I go to school on the complete opposite side of the country from where I live (I'm from LA and go to Cornell in upstate NY) and as much as I love going home and seeing everyone, I also find it really stressful when a lot of people want to spend time with me.
Freshman year I went home for Thanksgiving. I flew out Wednesday afternoon, got home late wednesday night, left early thursday morning with my mom to go down to san diego to see her side of the family, spent friday with my dad for his thanksgiving, went shopping with my mom on saturday and took the red eye back to ny saturday night.
My friends were angry with me that I was in town and didn't do anything with them.

This year for thanksgiving, I went home with a friend who lives about 3 hours away and did nothing for 3 days.

I did my part and sent my mother's day cards out on time and made phonecalls day of.
I find phonecalls especially tricky though because my mom works like 7:30-4 which is 10:30-7 my time so whenever I think to call her is when she's at work, then I'm having dinner, doing homework or showering and sleeping.

 

[nermal71]

Missy if he was on the other side of the country it would be different. He's an hour away. We worked it out but there were also some hurt feelings. Like I told him it wouldn't have bothered me if he hadn't just said one thing and then did the other.

 

[BethM]

Wait, are you suggesting that males older than 19 think? Can you please let my 29 year-old husband know this?!

(No offense meant to the thinking males on this forum.)