When you're at a loss as a parent.

[Saffy]

My daughter went into work this morning .. she works in a Hotel down the road from us .. two huge plant pots that stood outside the main door had been knocked over and there was red paint all over the place.

The caretaker from the rooms attached to the Hotel came round and asked if they had seen any evidence of blood .. Hannah (daughter) said "No .. just this paint" .. it was still wet and very bright red .. not what blood "usually" looks like. The man said .. "That's blood" and proceeded to show her where the blood trail led to the door of the institute next door and then led to the park behind the Hotel where the blood was pooedl in a deep, wet layer, larger than my daughter.

After the Police came and did forensics and took statements, she had to clean the blood from the Hotel steps.

She came in a short while ago in a total state .. I have never before, been at a loss as a parent, but if I could have taken all the pain I felt she was feeling, away, I would have.

A man,who came in regularly, particularly to chat to Hannah as she listenened to him - he had already been sectioned twice in 6 months and was on a lot of anti depressants and he felt that she understood him. (He told this to many people)

He cut his wrists in the park after drinking 8 pints of beer ... obviously got frightened at the amount of blood he was losing and tried to get people's attention in the Hotel by knocking and by smashing the pots. To no avail sadly.

He walked to his parents - a quarter mile away ..

Unfortunately .. he died this afternoon.

The police said that they didnt know how he made it that far as the blood loss was tremendous.

My poor daughter feels she failed him. The last time she saw him she didnt chat to him as she was with her boyfriend and rather drunk and enjoying herself. She's doing the "if only" thing, that we all know. All I could do was hug her and tell her that at least she gave him some hope, some care and that he wouldnt like her to feel guilty.

My daughter has bi polar .. the same as this man had .. and she has attempted suicide in the last .. (as have I, I must admit now) .. she keeps saying .. we were given another chance, why not him?

I'm sorry .. I dont know whether you feel it is appropriate that I post this here .. but I know that you are good people and that the good feelings you all give out help.

 

[SnowyShiloh]

Wow, that's incredibly sad. That poor guy I'm sorry your daughter is blaming herself... It was absolutely not her fault. Sadly, it was his own decision to do what he did. The poor man was sick and clearly needed professional help that he sadly didn't get. Maybe your daughter should go talk to a psychiatrist who can help her through how she's feeling?

 

[polly]

That is so sad for the man but also equally sad for your daughter what a horrible thing to have to do Maybe it would be good for her to talk to someone. but yep deinately one of those times you just wish you could take it all away for them

 

[Flashy]

I'm so sorry for what she is going through. It's so easy to look at the 'what if's but essentially he was in control and he chose to do this. Grief will also bring on the guilt she feels, and its natural for her to grieve.

I've been on both sides of the coin, both as the suicidal person, and the person aware of what people have done and feeling helpless and it's a horrible feeling to be where she is.

Encourage her to keep talking and not bottle it up.

Thinking of you both.

 

[Saffy]

Thank you so much for replying so soon. I desperately wanted to call my Mum but I dont want Hannah to feel I'm "gossiping".

She's calmed down now .. I think she just needed to get it out. Her Dad is home soon so no doubt she will have another cry.

I think it's the horror of seeing the blood .. of cleaning it up .. and then of knowing it was someone she knew.

The poor man must have been so depressed. I know Hannah would never serve him alcohol .. she would just say "Just have a coke and chat to me".

He leaves two young children - although his wife left him .. which started his depression.

I'm rambling. Sorry.

 

[Saffy]

Once again . thank you .. thank you .. so much ..

Am going to sign off now as I need to go and sort some supper for Mike when he gets in.

Thank you.

 

[Pet_Bunny]

I am sorry your daughter has experienced such a tragic situation. There is no way she should take any bearings to what happened. I think your daughter is a wonderful person. She has gone through so much more than I have in my life.

Take care of yourself and your daughter.

Stan. :hug:

 

[naturestee]

Is she seeing a professional of some sort? I would make sure she goes to extra appointments and keeps on top of whatever drugs she may be taking for her disorder. She's going to need the emotional support of someone she can tell everything too, plus keep her disease in control.

From experience (ex-boyfriend committed suicide in high school), that feeling of failure never really goes away. There's always that "what if." But you learn to let go after a while. There's only so much you can do, especially if you aren't there at the time as she wasn't. It's part of the disease and why it is so dangerous.

:hug:

 

[Saffy]

Good morning ... phew, what a night. I can't even begin to imagine what that guy's parents went through yesterday and I hope to God I never find out.

Hannah is on her day off today so she is planning a lunch with an old friend who knew all about the guy - it will do her good to talk I think.

Took me ages to get to sleep last night as I was absolutely fuming because she was left to clear the whole mess up on her own whilst the Manager of the Hotel (the owner's daughter) was upstairs in the flat because it was "her day off" ... that, together with the fact that the owner came down into the bar just before Hannah came home saying loudly to peopl "Have you seen my pots? Some t*** tried to commit suicide last night - they cost £120 each .. I'll get the money off of the family"!Just what an insensitive person is he? However, I believe in karma and I am in no doubt that his comment will come back and hit him in the face at some point.

I'd like to thank you all again for your replies. It has helped me enourmously - I so needed an outlet for my shock and horror last night.

My thoughts to his family and friends. Rest in peace.