Unexpected breakup...

[BunnyLove89]

Some of you might remember the nasty breakup I went through in May with my boyfriend of 18 months. That didn't really take long to get over since emotionally our relationship ended long befre it physically ended.
Well since then I had started dating this really great guy. He's younger than me (he's 21, i'm 23, but I've been through alot in my life and normally date older guys because they're more mature), but things seemed perfect between us. He joined the National Guard a month into our relationship and we started planning our future around that. We went engagement ring shopping, he treated me like a princess, and he said whatever I want in my life, he will make sure I have it.
I got a job as a nanny a month ago and that's when we hit a rough patch in our relationship because while I was doing the responsible thing and working, he slept all day and partied at night so we didn't talk or see each other nearly enough. I guess I did kind of put my job first, and I tried telling him that it was for US so that I could save money for our future. He didn't seem to care about that. He expressed his frustration by not talking to me, and then saying that it was my fault that we don't have a relationship. I apologized repeatedly and owned up to my part, but I feel like he wanted me to take responsibilty for all of it and ultimately quit my job. We tried talking it out several times, but the end result was a breakup. I'm having a hard time with it because I do still love him very much and I so badly wanted a future with him. My self-esteem/self-worth took quite a big blow as well because I've been in many relationships and I have yet to make one work out. I haven't been able to work through all of my feelings about it since I am working full-time and when I'm not working i'm sleeping or trying to sleep (the stress of it all has been keeping me up alot). I don't really know what the point of me posting this is, other than to just write it all out and maybe get some support.
Sorry for rambling!

 

[MiniLopHop]

Oh Jen :hug: I'm sorry.
It sounds like he is not very mature. You are doing the right thing by acting like an adult. Work is important and hopefully will help you build your self-esteem for yourself. I worry that you rely on others to make you feel good about yourself. Perhaps this will be a chance for you to realise that you can make it on your own and take care of your own needs for a while. Weston will help you through this hard time. *nose bonks from my crew*

 

[gmas rabbit]

There becomes a point where you have to make yourself happy first and then a relationship will follow. You were trying to be responsible, which at 23 is a good thing. You want a place and a life of your own. Just for curosity sake you should write out all the things that were similiar between the 2 guys. It could be that you are chosing the same type of man each time. If he was sleeping all day and partying all night, it just shows that he is inmature. I think from your last posting that you have gone beyond this phase in your life. Also as long as he was the center of attention, and had no competition with outside interests on your part such as a job he was happy. Sorry but that sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. After all some where down the road you may decide to have a child. Make a list of all your wonderful qualities including being responsible and post them somewhere you can view them at least once a day. Then tell yourself that you great and don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, it is a bonus.

 

[LakeCondo]

Better that the problems surfaced before any further commitment. I guess you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince. But you need to keep counting on yourself & doing the right thing. Take satisfaction in all aspects of your life. I think someone wrote a book called "Men are Lake Desserts." That is, they're wonderful but you can live without them.

 

[Blue eyes]

So sorry you are going through this. I wanted to say that I think Minilop is dead on right. I think it would be a wonderful and healing thing for you to stop seeking a boyfriend relationship for awhile. It does sound like you need to find contentment with yourself and discover that happiness to be your own self. That is necessary in order to have a lasting relationship with someone else - otherwise the relationship will be sabotaged from the start.
Pursue your own interests and pretend you will always be single. It is then that the right one will come along.

 

[Nancy McClelland]

Just want to say you don't need to be in a rush. I was 26 and my future wife was 20 when we met. Took it glacially slow and after 2 years, well we just had or 36th anniversary. Take time and make the right decision.

 

[dungeonbunnies]

A lot of great advice here, they beat me to everything I could've said!

Eventually it will happen. You're 23, PLENTY of time to worry about relationships later! My sister is 26, with 2 kids, and has finally met a guy who was worth the time of day! (I introduced them though, LOL)

But like MiniLopHop said, take some time to "do you"! Date yourself, find out who exactly YOU are, and what YOU want from yourself, life, and a partner; then you can start looking for the guy who will fit the bill. Don't let yourself base your self-esteem on relationships. You're a bunny person, you can't be as bad as you think.

By the way, I'm 24, and at one point I hopped into horrible relationships because I didn't want to be alone. The only good thing that ever came from any of it was my son, but there were so many emotional scars from that time. I worked on me, and being a parent, when Mike wandered back into my life. But because I was happy being by myself, I have something to bring to our relationship.

 

[agnesthelion]

Ditto to all the comments!! You need to stop rushing into relationships. You need to be secure with yourself BEFORE you start dating, or it's just going to be a repeat. I remember you coming on here and you were upset because you wanted to elope and your mom didn't want you too. I don't even know you and I predicted this breakup then. Get yourself strong and stop looking and I guarantee that's when you'll find it.

 

[Imbrium]

honestly, I see some serious red flags in his behavior... everything seeming perfect right away and then rushing to plan a life together after just a month is awfully fast. not wanting you to work/getting upset at you for doing so and expecting you to put the relationship first (ahead of even your job) when he wasn't doing the same (the whole party lifestyle) are warning signs. he sounds like someone with the potential to be possessive/controlling if you hadn't put your foot down and refused to take it.

it's NOT all your fault, no matter what he tries to make you think.

as others have said, figure out who you are and how to be happy on your own and it will lead to happier relationships! don't look for a perfect guy with promises of a perfect life - life is never perfect; always messy to some degree and there's no such thing as a prince charming who can come along and fix everything. you want to find someone down-to-earth and understanding; someone you can depend on to be there for you even during tough times... and most of all, someone who lets you be your own person and supports your desire to pursue your own interests instead of having to be the center of your world every second of every day.

good relationships are hard work... and it often takes some bad ones to figure out what it takes to make a good one, so don't beat yourself up over a couple unhappy endings

 

[audrinasmommy88]

Just to make light of the situation, you should listen to this song...but you can change "dog" to "bun"

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s_hvNFRlXY[/ame]