Stealing my cool..

[GoinBackToCali]

Peg's already read this.. and given me her input. This is a cross post from my LiveJournal and MySpace blog, which I didn't name names, but due to the fact that the person involved is Lisa. Jarred's mom, when I posted.. I just felt it was better to keep the parties involved anonymous..

Oh.. the 6ft3 Baby Giraffe.. is me.. that's my husbands nickname for me.. ok that and Cheeto's. but that's another story entirely..

Do ya'll think I overreacted? It's just eatin' at me..





Stealing my cool..


[font="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"]My nail tech's husband is a prison guard. My cousin's wife had an appointment before me, and briefly filled Susan in on this amusing lil drama goin on in my life, and said I would give her the low down when I got there for my appointment.[/font]

I gave Susan the 411.. and she said...*My husband said the inmate's have a term for it..they call it "stealing your cool"... that's what she did.. she stole your cool.*

Hell's yeah she did.

I guess I need to back up and give ya some history and then get into the subject matter at hand so I stop sounding like a nutter don't I?

People who know me.. long term.. know me.. know how i'm wired, and know what I am capable of. They know the depth's I can go to. They know I can black out and wail on you, if pushed to that point. The term monster has most accurately described that person.

When my sons behavioral problems manifested themselves, I had to bury that person. In a sense, the person most people see before them is a *push over* a *pansy*.. and if you didn't know me before.. you might get the impression that I would be easily run over, and you could treat me in any way you so wished, and I would take it. That's not entirely true. I pick and choose my battles, and if you get nice subtle me, then most likely, I deem you not worth my time to argue with.

My son has gotten alot better. Once a sure candidate for a group home, we have a great support system with a psychiatrist, a therapist, and the right combo of meds. It's been a long road..almost 5 years now.He still has flare ups, and in times of high stress, he does show his butt.

But the point is.. he is better.. he is home, he is with me, he is in the school system. He functions in society with minor flare ups. With time and continued guidance and help, I hope he will be able to be completely outburst free..BECAUSE I GOT OFF MYFLUFFY AND SOUGHT HELP!! I didn't sit on mybutt and blame other people and tell them what was wrong with their kid, and how to raise theirs..

Which brings me to the point of this blog..

I went to the dark place today.. I became that monster again.

Actually I got to stew on it for 3.5 days.

2 weeks ago there was a livestock show, and long story short. my son showed his butt, but he showed hisbutt in response to someone else, an adult, being anjerkwad as well.2 wrongs don't make a right. I know my son should have shut up, and I had my son under control, was shutting him up, and pushing him along and telling him to shut up the entire time. I was removing him from the situation and diffusing the whole thing. My son was wrong for mouthing off..I am not disputing that..My son's father was on the other side of the arena taking pictures for everyone with his high dollar camera.. everyone else was off watching the show, and there were 2 people handy. A friend who stepped in once he realized what was going on, and someone else. Someone who was not but 10 feet from the whole incident, sat there and watched it unfold. Someone who had to be asked twice to step in, and then and only then got up off his duff. He even said to my son *Yes the guy was an a-hole, yes the guy was a jerk, he shouldnt have said this to you and said that, but you shouldn't have hollerred at him when he was a jerkto you, you should go apologize to him and make him feel like a jerkfor saying what he said* So my son apologized to the man, and the dude was STILL an a jerk..

Which isn't the point.. so here goes the point..

I am not gonna go into how the actual phone call on Monday came about..but it had nothing to do with this incident.. it was over something else entirely. This incident came up, 2 weeks later.. as an afterthought. The wife of the man.. the onlooker point blank told me..

*I'm gonna tell you this, and it may piss you off, but I don't care. Blake was wrong for hollering at that man, and I don't care if that man had come in there acting like a hollering space monkey,had he been one of mine, I don't care who was around, I'da whipped his a** in front of God and everybody right then and there, you don't disrespect an adult like that. He embarrassed himself, he embarrasssed you, and he was an embarrassment to the club (meaning our 4-H club)*

The hell you say.

I took it...I totally took it.

Basically, she just questioned my child rearing skills, and told me what I needed to be doing with my own kid. Yanno.. first off..you don't take a kid with Blake's problems and humiliate them by wailing on them in front of their peer group. I know her counter.. *well my son has those problems and I wailed on him ..* yeah well we won't go there tatertot..I got my own thoughts on how well that turned out. One kid drowned because you couldn't get your duff off the puter long enough to pay attention to what he said as to where he was going, nobody can stand being around your other kid because shes a drama monger who cant keep her mouth shut, and your other kid can't keep a job, wrecks every vehicle he gets, and spends all his money on online gaming cards. Your a fine judge!

It woulda been different had she suggested things.. but she didn't.. she told me....Did I ask for any of your sage opinions? Um.. no.. I didn't..and to even throw that stuff up 2 weeks later.. is just crap.

So I stewed on it.

She calls today like nothing's wrong.. I tell her I have nothing to say to her..anyway.. through the course of the day, and kid drama, I end up having to talk to her to get stuff straightened out, and I lay it out for her what the problem is.,

Do you know what she freakin said?

I took what she said out of context..that when I said *Yeah I have a problem with the fact you said my son is an embarrassment to the club.*.. I was stretching and bending stuff out of the context in which it was said..

Uh.. really?

Uh.. what other context could it be taken? Seriously?

Keep your freakin mouth shut.. the topper? She point blank admitted that she didn't even see what happened because she was watching the livestock show. So she was telling me to beat my kid, and can't even accurately tell me what transpired!

I asked a couple of people associated with the club, and a friend or two who are in the know.. and they just shook their head and said *did she sweep around her door first before she went sweepin around yours?*

So I called the club leader, and didn't mention any names, just told her briefly what happened, and that I elected to remove my son from view. My son's worked hard to come this far, and flare ups are expected..she understood how upset I was, and understood why my feelings were so hurt.

Yeah my feelings are hurt because I thought this person was my friend.

But this also goes way deeper than this.. there's other issues that I blew off...because I am the good Carroll-Marie' now..and they are always ongoing... but like I said.. good Carroll-Marie'.

So yeah.. my feelings are hurt...but that hurt was buried deep in the abyss by the monster who appeared sometime late Monday night when I got to swirling thatjunk around in my brain...

Yanno.. this person always tells tales about throwin down and how bada** she use to be, and how shes could prolly take this person and that person.. and how she's a sturdy farm girl and stuff..

Yeah..well...now... she's just the white girl in high heels running from the big scary monster .....yeah..6ft3 baby giraffe's can be total monstrosities..

I thank God it all happened on the phone, and not face to face...

She totally stole my cool... totally.

Let this be a warning to you... the pushover you walked all over the last 3 years.. left....

Rue the day... rue the frikkin' day

 

[NorthernAutumn]

IN MY OPINION (keep in mind that it's just me and my little brain)

No, you didn't over-react.
Not making light of your son's challenges, but I wish I could show my butt to people when I've had it... Its a pretty direct comment on the situation
Seriously, I don't care whether someone is supposedly an adult or not. Most "adults" never mentally move past the highschool stage. Why not treat them like the 16-17 year olds they mentally are?
Obviously, you get the respect you give. Once that dude disrespected your son to that degree, gloves are off.

As for chickie-boo there, I don't see a reason to bother with her in the future. Polite disagreements on child rearing can be done appropriately and respectfully, such as directing someone to a literature source if you think they are doing something fundamentally wrong. It is never appropriate for anyone to rudly say "You don't know what you're doing". You are right, suggestions are different.

I'm sorry that it's Jarred's mom you're dealing with. That hurts. However, pls remember that it was your family's relationship with Jarred that was vital (from what I understand from previous posts). I don't know if this woman has been with you through thick and thin... I kinda doubt it, from your posts.

Finally, I don't personally see a bad Zin and a good Zin. If you were an irrational psychotic, dual-personality fool of a woman, I might find words like that marginally appropriate.
You are a mom. A good mom who has done a very good job at helping her son to cope in society. You have taken the steps that very few parents ever will to help your son. He will grow up to be a decent guy, (who might moon the odd jerkwad, but is that so bad:biggrin2:- joking, joking...). YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB:hug:

She is not doing a good job with her kids.She is striking out at you to alleviate her own feelings of guilt over her son's death- she subconciously feels like a bad mother. By beating you down, she builds herself up.
Depending on how far you want to push with this issue, you could always counter it with, "So, how's ---- doing? Has he learned how to hold a job and drive yet? Funny, how the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...".

That would be looking for a fight. She's not worth your energy, Zin. Learn to smile politely, and excuse yourself from conversations quickly; she doesn't deserve a response. It's not wussy; it just eliminates her politely from your company.

(Sorry if my response isn't legitimate,as I don't know you well, but you need to know that you didn't do anything wrong )

 

[furryface]

you are a mom....

if that means you have to er......"go postal" to protect your kid

so be it...

even if it happens to be a relative....they should know enough to MYOB!

 

[JadeIcing]

:XOh yea that would have done good. You know I understand. I have been there and back with my brother.

 

[LedaHartwood]

I know nothing of raising a child, as I am only a baby myself, at 20. I can offer nothing save for this: I would say you would have been a fantastic parent to me. I think (were I young enough to be your child) that I would have turned out as champion as a child could be. You know what works in your world, and you exercise it.

Also, this: (For that woman on the phone, that had NO RIGHT)

Few "Adults" keep in mind that they too must show respect. An adult disrespecting a child is just as repremand worthy as the reverse case. Adults forget that their age doesn't (nor should) grant them rights and respect. Especially when they have yet to earn them, or if their current actions suggest that they do not deserve them.

 

[MissBinky]

An adult who gets into a screaming match with a kid is the one at fault. Raging hormones, the will to be defiant, etc. will push a teenager to do things without thinking beforehand. And that's without having a condition. The adult however, seems like he wanted to pick a fight. Like he was looking for trouble and for someone to blast. It's total immaturity to me. But that's how I see it.

If I had a kid, and someone told me something like that... I'd be in front of their door to finish that conversation. So as for you being a monster, I think you still held back, and only because you know that if you had reallytold her like it was, she'd be staying faaaaaaaaaaaaaar away from you. The difference is, when we think they are friends, it makes the blow harder to deal with whether we admit it or not. It's our own pride.

You only did what you had to do. No overreaction that I can see.