September 8th is the worst day ever.

[daisyandoliver]

So September 8th 2010, one of my very very good friends took his own life.. He was 24 when he did it and I was 15. My best friend who was 16 at the time was very close to him since she was born. We would hang out with him and his cousin every night during the summer. I got so close to those two over the summer... Then on our second day of school my friend Harley got a call saying that Nathan had shot himself. She texted me but she was already on her way to school and ended up going straight to their house when she got picked up as soon as she got to school. I was going to go to school even though I couldn't stop crying but my mom ended up having me stay home and my friend Harley and I stayed at their house for 2 days or so and helped the family out... I remember when she told me that Nathan was dead I had to read it about four times to understand what she just said and all I could say was "Our Nathan...?" I ended up sitting on my floor crying for about 10 minutes before I got up and walked outside on the cold wet grass in my socks and school clothes I walked up to my dad crying who was feeding our cats he stopped and hugged me and asked me what was wrong.. All I could say was "Nathan killed himself." I couldn't explain I couldn't talk without it sounded like I was drowning in my own tears. I remember that night when my dad took me to my friend Harley's house she walked outside and right up to me and wrapped her arms around me and bawled. We stood there crying together for at least 15 minutes. I'm crying as I write this.. but I wanted to share.. I miss him so terribly much.. He would be 27 this October. He was just a month from his 25th birthday when he died.. It is so hard I don't know why he did it he didn't leave a note or anything... He was a bit upset the night before but he got happy again and told us he would see us tomorrow... He had always been a depressed person but we never thought he would do this. We were suppose to hang out that night he was going to pick us up from school. Don't take anything for granted because you never know when you will lose it.. <3

That is me in 10th grade with the shirt my friend and I had made, she has one too..

There he is. <3 10/1/1985-9/8/2010

The picture frame I have of him in my room. The top right and bottom left is his cousin Chuck who I had a thing for and his dog is in there too.. and the park we use to go to all the time in the top left.

 

[Hyatt101]

I'm so sorry!

 

[gmas rabbit]

One of my husband's best friends took his own life the day before Xmas, 35 years ago. He shot himself in his basement and his 12 year old son found him. There is not a Xmas that goes by that we don't remember him and wonder what drove him to that desperate act. All his buddies, wife and kids adored him. He was healthy and respected. Suicide and depression are a terrible disease that leaves the ones left behind feeling guilty and lost for the rest of their lives. I sympathize and relate to you for your loss. Life is precious and we should appreciate each other every day that we have on this earth.

 

[Nancy McClelland]

Blessed be. I don't have any words to add--this has always caused me to lock up.

 

[agnesthelion]

So sorry. Suicide is a hard thing to understand. I've had a couple acquaintances kill themselves and it is such a painful thing.

 

[kkiddle]

I'm so sorry for your loss. In my hometown, we've had around 13 deaths of people under the age of twenty five in the last five years (6 of them were within a year, all separate incidents.) Two people that I knew committed suicide. Most of the rest were drug overdoses (which is startling because if you were to drive through our town, you'd never guess heroin is being dealt to teenagers) and car accidents.

The first person who took their own life was a guy who I graduated with, also named Nathan. The second was a 14 year old girl.

It is such a shocking and horrible thing, and it's something that we will never get over or understand. I hope you know that it does get easier, with time. It's insanely hard because you miss the person tremendously, but at the same time you also sort of hate them for doing what they did, and that breeds guilt. Just know that it gets easier--it will never be easy, but it does sting less as the years go by.
And, you always have us to vent to if you're upset.

 

[whitelop]

My best friends brother took her own life a little over 2 years ago. I was texting her when she was on the phone with him right before it happened, I didn't know it happened and she didn't know either. I texted her something that I can't even remember now and never got a response. I was driving out into the boonies and lost service so I never got the text. That was on a Friday. I texted her on Monday to see what she was doing and if she wanted to hang out. She texted me back "Ryan died." Thats it, no other explanation, nothing. Just those 2 words. The 2 words that changed my life forever. I almost wrecked my car when I read that, I had to pull over to vomit on the side of the road. I called her, she told me what happened. It was terrible. Her whole family came down for the funeral and to console their mother. Then, she told me I wasn't allowed to come to the funeral. She had her reasons, but I'm still upset over that. I said good bye to him in my own way, so its alright. I'm still very close with her. I still write him birthday cards every year, Christmas cards too. I was the only one who gave him cards when we were growing up. (I was raised to give cards for all occasions. Thank yous, birthdays, Christmas, all of it.) He always looked forwards to my cards and told me thank you repeatedly every year, for every card. So I still do it. He was the only brother I've ever known as I am an only child.

So I know what its like to lose someone you're very close with, its a terrible gut wrenching experience. I can't say that it ever gets easier, it just gets a little more bearable every day that passes. You wake up one day and you breathe a little easier than the day before. The thing that we've tried to do is remember the good times. Talk about him often and laugh at all the crazy things that we did growing up.

Its a horrible thing that you had to go through at such a young age, but it changes your views on life. Like you said, take nothing for granted, and you tend not to when you're faced with something like that. I know my best friend and I and our families live everyday for the day. We try to do whatever makes us happy and we try to enjoy all of it.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

:hearts

 

[daisyandoliver]

I'm so sorry for everyone else's losses as well. <3 I'm just getting off therapy for depression and multiple anxiety diseases. I was in therapy and on this medicine for 9 years and I'm finally being tapered off it all because I'm doing so good. If my depression acts up I'll be put back on a low dose off my meds and seeing my therapist every 3 months. I just needed to get the thing about my friend off my chest so I wouldn't stay bottled up and get sadder. <3

 

[agnesthelion]

Then, she told me I wasn't allowed to come to the funeral. She had her reasons, but I'm still upset over that.

^^^^morgan this is so sad! Your best friend didn't want you at her brothers funeral? I can't even fathom that there could be a reason good enough for that???

 

[daisyandoliver]

I agree with Lisa as well..

Also, I forgot to add every year on the day he died and his birthday my friend and I wear our shirts. They're green with blue accents because those were his favorite colors. and I was basically in therapy because I've lost about.. 8 people due to death in some way from when I was 5-15. My therapist was like no one this young should have experienced death this much already.

Thank you for everyone posting on this and sharing.. I know I'm not the only one who's gone through it but sometimes it can feel it.. Yanno? <3

 

[littl3red]

I know what you mean about losing a lot of people and going through depression. I went to therapy for a while for depression but I wanted to avoid medication if I could. I stopped going, but sometimes I think I shouldn't have. The worst I've had was when I was younger, my uncle Billy was hit by a car on his way home from the grocery store. He was not in good health; he had cerebral palsy, asthma, was deaf, but he was the sweetest, happiest man I ever knew, and I loved him with all my heart. He went to the hospital and was recovering well, and was even in rehab when he died. The reason he died? A nurse rolled him over on his oxygen tube and he suffocated. He tried to tell him he needed his inhaler because he thought he was having an asthma attack, but they didn't understand him. The night before, my dad and the doctor got in a yelling match because the hospital refused to hire an interpreter for him. I still am terrified of hospitals, I've had to go to the hospital for my asthma before and I get so scared. My first experience with death was Grandpa Lee, who was actually my great grandpa, whom I was very close to. He died when I was too young to understand it. It took me a while to realize that I was never going to see him again. He wore something red every day, I believe we put him in red socks for his funeral/burial. I have considered getting a red bow tie with a pocket watch tattooed behind my ear to keep him close to me.

 

[qtipthebun]

Just know you're not the only one who has had these experiences. Sometimes that helps you to not feel so alone.

And I promise, after a few years (it's been almost 6, here), you still remember the day, and you still think about it, but the pain does lessen. That doesn't mean you'll love him and care for him any less, but getting through the day will be easier.

 

[whitelop]

agnesthelion wrote:

Then, she told me I wasn't allowed to come to the funeral. She had her reasons, but I'm still upset over that.

^^^^morgan this is so sad! Your best friend didn't want you at her brothers funeral? I can't even fathom that there could be a reason good enough for that???

Yes, Lisa she didn't want me there. She told me it was because she didn't want my last memory of him to be of him in his casket. Which I can kind of understand. I don't totally agree and she's said she was sorry for doing that to me, because it was totally unfair. But, I didn't push her to let me come. I stayed away from the newspaper and didn't know what the arrangements were. That helped, not knowing. But its still a sore subject. But, sometimes you just have go with the families wishes. :expressionless

 

[agnesthelion]

^^uhg Morgan that is awful I would think it would be your individual choice to decide what your last memory of him would be.

But I would never presume to understand the grief a family goes through with that so I won't make any assumptions and dont mean to disrespect them but that just seems not right....im so sorry....

 

[whitelop]

It still stings a lot, but she is my best friend and I grew up with her and her brothers and sister. Her mom is like my second mom, my son calls her grandma. hahah. You're not being disrespectful, Lisa. I understand what you mean about deciding how I should remember him. My friend and I talked about it months and months later and I told her how I felt and she told me how she felt. I had to respect her decision and do what I thought was best. I love her and I didn't want to hurt her by going against what she wanted.