Santa is a woman!

[Bassetluv]

SANTA IS A WOMAN

I think Santa Claus is a woman. I hate to be the one to defy sacredmyth, but I really believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is abig, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a toughtime believing a guy could possibly pull it all off.

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selectinggifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprisedto find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left onthe shelves. By this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake upChristmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree,still in the bag, with the price tag firmly affixed to the bottom andthe receipt stapled to the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all,there would be no reindeer, because they would all be dead, strapped onto the rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed, desperate claims thatbuck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on theway to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still havetransportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up therein the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons:

Men can't pack a bag.

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened.....having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don't answer their mail!!

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a 'bowl of jelly'.

Men are not interested in stockings unless somebody shapely is wearing them.
Having to do the HO HO HO thing all the time would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a COMMITMENT.


I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:

Father Time - shows up once a year, unshaven, and looking ominous, definitely a guy

Cupid - flies around carrying weapons

Uncle Sam - is a politician who likes to point fingers

The Easter Bunny - takes a perfectly good basket full of eggs, andempties it willy-nilly all over the house and yard, no concern aboutwho'll pick them up.
Yep, that is a male.

Leprechauns?? Come on, the number one attraction for St. Patrick's Day is green beer.

Author Unknown

:bunnydance::bunnydance::bunnydance:

 

[naturestee]

:laugh:

 

[shootingstar]

ajajaj some reasons are actually true!!:santawink:

 

[pinksalamander]

Thats good! I have another joke with the same theme.

One day Eve was in the Garden of Eden. She was really lonely, and soshe shouted up to God, "God, i'm so bored! You made all these lovelyplants and beautiful animals but i'm so lonely! There's no one to talkto!" So God said Ok Eve, i'll create you a man,but you haveto tell him he was created first or he may get annoyed. It will be ourlittle secret, woman to woman!"

 

[Greta]

Here's one about Santa's reindeer...

According to the Alaska Departmentof Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers inthe summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginningof winter, usually late November to mid-December.Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in thespring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa'sreindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to bea female. We should've known...ONLY women would be able todrag a fat old guy in a red velvet suit all around the world in onenight and not get lost?

​

 

[maherwoman]

My favorite parts, applying to my own husband(bless him)...I love him dearly, but there are definitely points Icouldn't argue with in this one!!

Bassetluv wrote:

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve.

My husband's NOTORIOUS for getting his gifts forpeople on Christmas Eve...in fact, I went with him our first Christmastogether, shopping on Christmas Eve...I will NEVER do itagain. He goes by himself now, when he winds up having to dothat. I try to help him avoid it, but I think he secretlylikes the rush of it, haha!

The only reason I'm finally getting the diamond earrings I've asked foreach of the past two years (counting in that I asked for them for ouranniversary each year, too, mind you), is because I finally sat down,found them online, told my husband, "See? There they are, and they'renot that expensive...see? We have the money...it says soright here...and since I do the finances, I KNOW we can afford themright now. But we better get them now, so they actually GETHERE somewhere around Christmas."

Hehe...Literally had to do that, too...last night. Thank GODI like Diamonique from QVC! Can't beat diamond earrings for$30!!


Other reasons:

Men can't pack a bag.

Gotta say, I do the packing in this house wheneverwe go somewhere that requires it. Hehe...you should see how"thrown in" everything looks when he packs. Is this auniversally "man" thing?

Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a 'bowl of jelly'.

Hehe...my husband has officially gained about 20lbssince we've been with one another. I love that he's filledout, and I can no longer see his ribs. He hates that he has a"belly". Haha!


I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men:

The Easter Bunny - takes a perfectly good basket full of eggs, andempties it willy-nilly all over the house and yard, no concern aboutwho'll pick them up.
Yep, that is a male.

Yeah...no comments on this...let's just say...:grumpy

Though, I do have to say, that even with hisfaults...my husband is the most wonderful man in the world, and that Iwill love him til the end of time. :inlove:

 

[maherwoman]

Hehe!! LOVE IT!!

pinksalamander wrote:

Thats good! I have another joke with the same theme.

One day Eve was in the Garden of Eden. She was really lonely, and soshe shouted up to God, "God, i'm so bored! You made all these lovelyplants and beautiful animals but i'm so lonely! There's no one to talkto!" So God said Ok Eve, i'll create you a man,but you haveto tell him he was created first or he may get annoyed. It will be ourlittle secret, woman to woman!"

 

[maherwoman]

Hehe!! Too funny!!

Greta wrote:

Here's one about Santa's reindeer...

According to theAlaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeergrow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlersat the beginning of winter, usually late November tomid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlerstill after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa'sreindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to bea female. We should've known...ONLY women would be able todrag a fat old guy in a red velvet suit all around the world in onenight and not get lost?

 

[Spring]

:rofl:Too clever!