No one special :(

[Becca]

Someone made me think about this today. That I have no one that I can trust with everything, that I know won't laugh or stop listening half way through. My best friend (for 9 years) is deaf, that doesn't change anything in the slightest - we're best friends not becuase I feel sorry for her but becuase .. well I dunno - we're best mates LOL

But I can't always tell her EVERYTHING and know she's not going to laugh or blurt it out. Also my other best mates who have been mates for like 12 years always sort of leave me out. Not intentionally but they are the bestest of friends, like sisters. And they always have some sort of secret. Like the other day I was round one of there houses and the other one was there too and I was looking at her pictures on her phone and one went 'Gracie you didn'd delete it' obviously trying not to be heard by me and gracie asked for her phone back and obviously deleted a picture that I 'wasn't' allowed to see.

I just want someone :sad:

 

[Luv-bunniz]

[hug]
I can relate to you sometimes... Whilst I have best friends, they're more like my sisters. My house is there home, my parents are greeted with "hi ma' hi dad" when they come over and vice versa but whilst I can trust them with things, I know for a fact alot of the stuff I need/ed to talk about they would have laughed at and that was where I fell lucky with (late) harvey (edited because I obv cant spell :?) but back to the point. Just dont think about it, you will find yourself making friends who you will be able to trust and talk to like you want
~M

 

[Becca]

But thats what I want..... To call my friends parents Mum and Dad or be able to talk to them like that and go nround their house all the time..

 

[irishbunny]

Becca wrote:

But thats what I want..... To call my friends parents Mum and Dad or be able to talk to them like that and go nround their house all the time..

Aw *hugs* You'll make a really good friend one day that you can tell everything!

 

[Flashy]

It can be really hard when you feel like you have no one, but can you think about what you do have? Think about the people in your life and what they do give you.

Friends are often not the best people to talk to when you need to talk, because chances are they may not be able to relate, or may not have enough experience to give good advice or may not be able to listen or something like that, but there are other ways to open up to people and also other people you can open up to.

I have friends growing up, but not anyone I would open up to. I always felt awkward and like I had to be something in particular, and there were also times when it was hard, like with you and your friends, to feel like I was actually their friend. It is horrible while it lasts but you are in some tough years (teenage years are tough) and things often change pretty quickly, in lots of different ways. Maybe try and widen your friendship groups a bit more? Talk to more people? Pick up more hobbies? Make friends with people at your panto?

 

[irishlops]

i only open up 2 people i trust.

 

[Becca]

But I can never make friends with the right people,

I do have lots of friends at school but everyone thinks of me as the 'baby' of the group because I tend to act 'blonde' around people
So the never take me seriously :X

 

[Becca]

Also, I am really quiet at school but really loud and 'myself' around people I trust and at home so people at school never see the proper me until their my 'proper' friend.

 

[Flashy]

Anyone who is a decent friend is a 'right' person, but probably what you will come to realise is that there are SO many types of friends. You might have fair weather friends, who are there when things are good, you might have the opposite of that, you might have superficial friends, or 'friends' that are actually more bullying, you might have friends who will stick with you no matter what happens, friends who are there for the rest of your life, or friends who come in and out fleetingly, you might have friends you talk to daily, or who you only speak to once in a while, you might have friends that you don't see in person but who are there, you might have something completely different from that, but chances are you will have a different friendship with every person you call a friend.

Have you told your friends how you feel? Or maybe just one of them? And if speaking is hard, have you thought about writing letters? That is often an easier way to communicate. It can be hard when you are seen as the 'dense' one, or the 'blonde' one, or whatever, but you can change that Their perception is based on what they see, so if you want to talk serious stuff, then do, that will show them that you are not just 'blonde' (not saying you are though, just using your words).

To be honest though, even if you could confide in people, there are very few (not saying none though) people of your age that would be a good enough support because essentally you are still children. If you need to talk to someone, then a grown up is a better bet because they will have more worldly knowledge and better ideas for what you can do, or just listen which is a skill most people learn as they grow up.

I had to wait 25 years to find someone like Polly. Sure, I had friends along the way, but from what I see, me and Polly have an equal friendship, it is even, and it is strong, and that's not something I have encountered before. I think how people are with their friendships is a skill learnt with maturity and circumstances. Friendships are always a work in progress, and hopefully with time yours will progress to a place where you feel you can trust them.

Becca, that's normal to be different around those you feel confident with. Plenty of people are like that

 

[Becca]

I basically have to force myself into friendships, with Gracie and Wendy we're a 3 so its awkward then I don't know if Fay (my best friend who is deaf) is just sticking around me for the support.

So if thats the case I don't have any proper friends

 

[Flashy]

Talk to them.

 

[Hazel-Mom]

Becca, you may find that it's very hard to find a friend you can talk to about "everything" Some friends will be better to talk to about certain things, other friends will relate better to other subjects. Maybe you can try to widen your circle of friends, so you can talk to different people about different things.
That way too you will always have someone, if for one reason or another some of your friends disappear from your life. And they will... you'll go to different colleges, move to different places, etc... Things happen in life like that. But don't worry, you will make new friends, and find new people to relate to.

 

[pinksalamander]

I'm sure you will find a friend. I still don't have a friend I can tell everything, that I can always have to do something with, instead I have a group of friends that are all different. One of my friends is the brainy, geeky one. We like to sit around and watch foreign films and cook and stuff. (We always argue because we are both boisterous and stubborn LOL). Then I have my closest girlfriend who is a complete loon and I can always have make me laugh or do something stupid. Then I have my friend who I have known since I was 2, and I can ask him advice and tell him anything embarrasing and know he won't mind me crying down the phone to him!

I think the point is to surround yourself with useful people. Its difficult to ask everyone of one friend. Also, don't expect to be best friends with all your friends. I'm not really close to all my friends but it works because we know where we stand.

Also, the thing you said about wanting someone, a lot of people feel like that. I certainly do. Its probably why a lot of people get boyfriends or partners, because that person is 'yours'.

I would say just wait it out. I didn't really stick into my friendship group until I was about 15. Now we all just understand each other and friendship isn't difficult. I hate it when I have to work on a relationship!

Fran :hearts :brownbunny

 

[JadeIcing]

Fran I think I am alot like you. I have several friends but each one is my support for different things.

 

[kherrmann3]

I have problems "getting along" with others. Don't put me in a room full of other girls, I will offend them, and there might be some fighting involved. Throw me in a room of guys, I can mingle with everyone and have a great time. In high school, I didn't mind being considered "one of the guys". It was more fun that way. I never make friends with girls my age. They are too catty. I can sympathize.

 

[Aina]

Ok, before I post, I am going to apologize for rambling. it is 4 am and I am up because I am too sore to go to bed. (Side note: A good saddle is a MUST when riding horses, especially ones that buck. One part breaks and... oh well, at least black and blue are my colors)

I know the feeling. Sometimes I want to be *the one* God has billions of people(You're special, just like everyone else, haha) and although I know I am special to my parents, they do have three other kids. I want to be someones one person that is more special than any others, like my parents are to eachother. I think that is one reason God gave us SO's, because he knew that no matter how much he actually loves us, sometimes we need a human. Of course, no matter what guy God sends, he is not going to be perfect.

There is not a human alive that won't let you down.
Yes, I am jaded. Sorry.

This is why I believe that, and this is what I have found. But I don't mean this to sound preachy or anything, sorry if that is how it comes off.
When I was a little younger than you I had a really bad year. We basically completely changed the group of people we hung out with, (and no school friends because I was homeschooled) and my best friend died. I lieterally had no friends. It was also a time when I was not getting along with my parents or siblings. To make a long story short, it was during that time that I realized that no matter how close you may get to someone, and how great that person is, things happen. Friends die, move off, grow apart.

I now have some really close friends who I could probably tell everything, but just to be safe...
So for me, a friend could never take the place of God in my life. He is the one I bring all my sorrows, secrets, joys, and woes to. And although sometimes I may think he isn't listening, something will happen that I know can only be him. So generally when I really need to talk I *write* him. Weird that I write instead of talk, but that is just me. Or maybe just a journal would work, I dunno. But for me I have to know someone is listening, and he does.

 

[TinysMom]

Aina wrote:

So for me, a friend could never take the place of God in my life. He is the one I bring all my sorrows, secrets, joys, and woes to. And although sometimes I may think he isn't listening, something will happen that I know can only be him. So generally when I really need to talk I *write* him. Weird that I write instead of talk, but that is just me. Or maybe just a journal would work, I dunno. But for me I have to know someone is listening, and he does.

Just want to say you're not weird - I know a number of people who do this...and I journal a lot to God at various times in my life - He's the only one I've been able to take EVERYTHING to..


Becca - I'm a lot older than you - I'm 48 - and in all the years I've been alive - I've never had "one person" who I could go to with "everything". Never.

I've had people I could trust with a lot of things - and my husband is literally my best friend and I talk to him about a lot.

But I've found throughout the years that no one person can be everything to someone....at some point - they will fail. Also - we each go through different "seasons" in our life. Sometimes - a friend is going through a season where they're more needy - or I'm more needy.

Some of my best friendships have been the ones where I focused on BEING a friend versus having a friend be something for me. I learned a lot from being there for others....and it was fun. Doesn't mean I didn't go to them sometimes too ... don't take me wrong.....but it took my focus off of me all the time.

What I wish for you is some GOOD friendS - notice the "s" at the end. More than one....maybe one friend you can talk to about boys but another one understands your love of bunnies. I find that the more I spread myself around with different friends - the less needy and draining I become on any one person....and the more fun I tend to have.

 

[kherrmann3]

Aina wrote:

So for me, a friend could never take the place of God in my life. He is the one I bring all my sorrows, secrets, joys, and woes to. And although sometimes I may think he isn't listening, something will happen that I know can only be him.

You aren't odd for being that way. My boyfriend's mom, is totally that way. I've caught her "talking to herself" and I asked Will what she was doing. She prays, a lot. She has six kids (two girls & four boys). She has a lot to talk to God about.

Not my cup of tea, but if it works for others, more power to them.

Becca, I understand how hard it can be having (what feels like) no friends. From school, I only still see one person. I've been friends with her on and off since middle school. She has ADHD, too, so she gets my fast-paced mind/ideas. The only other people I talk to (in real life) are Will, my mum, and our roommate's parents. My "friends" are 20, 21, 54, 55, and 60. I learned that when you get older, the older people are more fun to talk to, because they aren't all caught up in the stuff that younger people are. It's more relaxing and fun to be around them, in my opinion.

Things get better with age, middle/high school is Hell. Been there, done that, have the scars lol Just hang in there. :hug:

 

[Dublinperky]

I know how you feel!:? I used to move around alot and I could make friends easily. I had really great friends where I used to live. But now I have been here for a couple of years and I don't have any friends that I totally trust and are like my best friends.....

Merry Christmas!

Aly!

 

[Happi Bun]

I know the feeling, Becca. :hug:

I've learned through the years that it's not the quantity of friends, it's the quality. I've had online friends that I've never even met in real life that are way better to me than my local friends. People who I wouldn't expect being friends with have become great ones that I can really relate with.

I'd consider myself a really shy person, but like you I come out of my shell around people I trust. Lately I've been more open to new people and It's been much easier to gain awesome new friends.