My grandpa had a heart attack yesterday...not sure how to feel.

[BunnyLove89]

I just got a text from my mom saying that my grandpa had a heart attack yesterday. I don't know how to feel about that. I used to be close with my grandparents, but when I was 17 **** hit the fan and I haven't heard from my grandpa since then and have only heard from my grandma a handful of times (i get an obligatory card from her on my birthday and christmas, and an occassional cookie cutter text that is sent out to everyone in her contacts list). I have heard comments made from my grandparents to my mom saying really hurtful things about me, my brother, and my mom. Short version of what the comments are about and why they don't talk to me anymore is because when I was little my cousin did some very innappropriate things to me over the course of a few years. My cousin has always been the "golden boy" and I only told a couple friends years later. My mom found out and told my grandparents and my grandparents say that I am lying and i'll answer to God on judgement day for lying and for not resolving the situation.
It hurts that my grandparents think so poorly of me, but what makes it worse is that it's caused so much conflict between them and my mom. I feel guilty about that and some days I want to recant just so there would be a possibility of peace. I do feel largely responsible for the relationship collapsing and I wish that I could undo her finding out (she had found a letter in my room written to my cousin that i wasn't going to send, i just felt like writing some stuff out).
Anyway. Sorry for the rant. I'm having a whole bunch of feelings and i'm a bit confused by them because I don't have love for my grandparents anymore but yet I am having conflicting emotions...

 

[Sophie's Humble Servant]

Maybe I have no right to comment on this as I am not a psychologist but in my opinion you should not feel any guilt whatsoever about how the relationship between your mom and grandparents turned out. You were CLEARLY the victim and should never feel guilt about that. I find it absolutely mind blowing and horrible when a child is called a liar when inappropriate things happen to that child after they had the courage to tell someone. I understand how you'd have mixed feelings about your grandparent, I hope you find peace in your heart for yourself. Just remember, you have NO responsibility in the way things turned out. All you did was tell the truth which is something to be applauded, not chastised. Your grandparents will "answer to God" for abandoning their grandchild. Best wishes to you

 

[PaGal]

I second what Beverly has said. You should feel no guilt what so ever. You did not cause what happened to you. You did not even tell your grandparents, your mother did after finding a letter you wrote. Unfortunately some people will not allow themselves to see the truth or how their refusal affects others. In this life we can not always care or love family members simply because their is a blood connection. Sometimes you have to let go because it is what is best for you. Some family members can be extremely toxic.

It is understandable that you have mixed emotions. We grow up not only loving a person but it is also clear that our society expects you to love that person. No matter how you feel about your grandfather now, I am sure at one point you did love him. Those of us that are in a situation where we have been forced to walk away from a close family member I think always wish that things could have been different or could be different. It's just not the way family should be but too often it is.