My bun lost her mate, should I re-bond her?

[Nrz252]

So I have a tough decision to make soon.... We lost our 8 year old male bun this week during surgery. We were unable to bring the body home to help with grieving. Our 8 year old girl bun is doing ok right now - she doesn't want to be alone unless she is in a part of the house that still smells like him - but she is eating and drinking and sleeping normally. She did, however, quickly develop an upper respiratory infection. We took her in for antibiotics and an x-ray, and the vet thinks that, based onthe x-ray, she has developed a thymoma. My understanding is that, without radiation or surgery ( both of which she will not be a candidate for) she may only have 4-6 months before she is in too much pain. I can't let her live her final weeks alone and wondering what happened to her partner. I also can't put her and another senior bun thru a stressful bonding process knowing they will be separated too soon. Not to mention the emotional hit I will take if I adopt and then loose a third rabbit. What do?

 

[hunnybunny254367819364]

This is really tough. Unfortunately if she only has 4-6 months left I wouldn’t try to rebond. Bonding itself could take 2 months. Plus that’d be setting up the new bun for heartbreak. Unless you want to adopt maybe a pair of younger/middle age rabbits. Then you could try bonding them as a trio. That way when your senior bun passes the younger two will still have each other for comfort

 

[Nrz252]

Thank you, I think this might be the only option that is kind to all buns involved. We have a follow up with the vet in a couple of weeks and should have a better idea of what's happening. If we're cleared to be around other rabbits, we might start looking for a bonded pair to adopt.

 

[Blue eyes]

I actually would not encourage trying a trio. That is a risky maneuver that would be quite stressful on your existing bun. Trios are extremely difficult to achieve and even risk the break-up of the existing bond.

It would not be fair, in my opinion, to the existing pair or your current rabbit. Not for the existing pair because it will challenge and possibly break their bond. If that happens and one of the pair bonds with your gal, then that one will have lost his original partner, bonded with yours, and then a couple months later lose her as well. The other one will have lost their partner.

It also isn't ideal to put your gal through the stress of trying to sort out dominance with not one but two rabbits. Such an endeavor can take a few months. That means she would be stressed for all of her remaining days.

I'd suggest giving your gal as much lovins as you can for her remaining days. Once she's passed, you can look into adopting an already bonded pair.

 

[hunnybunny254367819364]

You know your rabbit best. You can take her on speed dates. She just might be well with a bonded pair. I’m sorry to the above commenter but I have had a trio no issues. Thank you for the info but I think the poster knows her rabbit best. And if you do speed dating you can choose rabbits that have a higher chance of getting along

 

[Blue eyes]

@hunnybunny254367819364
I'm not saying trios can't work, I'm just suggesting that in this particular instance, it wouldn't be advised. With the death of a bondmate, it is a good idea to give the grieving rabbit a couple months anyway before introducing a potential bondmate. That leaves little time for the OP's bunny to complete a bonding process--- if the vet's life-end prediction is accurate.

Speed dating is only a rough estimation of what may turn into a successful bond. The most promising signs in speed dating can still result in an incompatible match. Trying to put an already bonded pair with a 3rd rabbit can be more problematic than starting with 3 stranger rabbits. But I still don't think it would be fair to the new rabbits to have them bond (emotionally tied) with a rabbit that will be gone in a few months time.

I agree the OP knows her rabbit best and the decision is ultimately hers. I'm simply offering a different suggestion, an alternative point of view.

 

[Pandorly]

Personally, when we lost our first lad, Banzaii, last year, we thought we'd see how his partner Biggi behaved for a while and then consider introducing her to a new friend after a while.

She. Is. Fantastic.

It's like she's a baby bun again. She does more zoomies and binkies, she is way more enthusiastic about hanging out with us. I don't think she's aggressive enough to have staved off his variety of friendship, but I'm not sure she ever actually liked Banzaii! We're her best friends now, and she has a casual fondness for our cat Loki, which we didn't see as regularly before.

It sounds ridiculous, but maybe try and just support her through the next few weeks while she's alive. We're always there for Biggi, she cuddles with us every evening and she loves all the attention being showered upon just her. During the day, herself and Loki hang out together so she's never lonely. I'm starting to suspect that she likes being the top bun of the house and if we change the dynamic by introducing a new bunny, she might not appreciate it.

Circumstances may change though, so we're keeping a close eye on her for any signs of unusual behaviour. We all love that little pooper so much.

 

[Nrz252]

Thank you. We do have a rabbit rescue reasonably close. I might be able to set up a speed dating session with minimal stress if they think it's an ok idea.

 

[hunnybunny254367819364]

@hunnybunny254367819364
I'm not saying trios can't work, I'm just suggesting that in this particular instance, it wouldn't be advised. With the death of a bondmate, it is a good idea to give the grieving rabbit a couple months anyway before introducing a potential bondmate. That leaves little time for the OP's bunny to complete a bonding process--- if the vet's life-end prediction is accurate.

Speed dating is only a rough estimation of what may turn into a successful bond. The most promising signs in speed dating can still result in an incompatible match. Trying to put an already bonded pair with a 3rd rabbit can be more problematic than starting with 3 stranger rabbits. But I still don't think it would be fair to the new rabbits to have them bond (emotionally tied) with a rabbit that will be gone in a few months time.

I agree the OP knows her rabbit best and the decision is ultimately hers. I'm simply offering a different suggestion, an alternative point of view.

I remember you from another thread. I am in no way trying to dispel your suggestions I think it’s great you’re trying to help but you do come off as very condescending, your original post sounded, at least to me, like you thought I had no idea what I was talking about. But I do. Which is why I responded like that. And OP said that her rabbit didn’t have time to grieve with the body. Not in any way OPs fault it’s just what happened. That sudden loss can create sadness which is why if your bunny is acting depressed then it is HIGHLY advisable to get a bondmate or two. Rabbits can die of depression. Speed dating is actually very much better than picking out a random rabbit. I am only trying to offer OP advice that I have personal experience with in this very hard time. So please i just ask that next time you phrase your post as non judge mental to other posters who offer advice (unless of course it is harmful then by every means tell them off) because it can be frustrating especially for those looking for answers if they see two completely different sides. Bonding at this age may or may not be right. Bonding with one or two other rabbits weather they be bonded or not is completely up to each individual rabbit. Neither I nor Blue eyes is completely correct. Only the poster will be able to decide which option she prefers. And I wish you all the luck in doing that

 

[Blue eyes]

Like @Pandorly , I've also experienced a rabbit that, after a period of time after losing a bondmate, actually seemed more active and lively. It took several months (he never saw his bondmate dead) but he seems quite content now, happier even, to be the lone/top bun. He is more interactive with us and with the dogs too.

@hunnybunny254367819364 , I did not mean to come across as condescending. My intent was simply to explain my reasoning in detail for the very reason that I knew my suggestion was opposite of another's. In my thinking, one can make a more informed decision if aware of both sides (or multiple sides) of an issue. Each of us has our reasoning and experience for our varied suggestions. I'm not saying your background is invalid, we just happen to disagree.

In my view, I still can't see the logic in putting a new rabbit (or 2) into the position of having to deal with the (soon coming) loss of a bondmate in order to help another (already dying) rabbit from dealing with a loss. Why subject more rabbits to the same? Just my point of view.

 

[Nrz252]

Personally, when we lost our first lad, Banzaii, last year, we thought we'd see how his partner Biggi behaved for a while and then consider introducing her to a new friend after a while.

She. Is. Fantastic.

It's like she's a baby bun again. She does more zoomies and binkies, she is way more enthusiastic about hanging out with us. I don't think she's aggressive enough to have staved off his variety of friendship, but I'm not sure she ever actually liked Banzaii! We're her best friends now, and she has a casual fondness for our cat Loki, which we didn't see as regularly before.

I'm so happy your bun has so much joy in her life! I'm sorry you lost Banzaii. I think if I had known how much this loss was going to level me, I would have decided not to be a bunny parent. Best of luck to you and Biggi!

 

[Nrz252]

Like @Pandorly , I've also experienced a rabbit that, after a period of time after losing a bondmate, actually seemed more active and lively. It took several months (he never saw his bondmate dead) but he seems quite content now, happier even, to be the lone/top bun. He is more interactive with us and with the dogs too.

@hunnybunny254367819364 , I did not mean to come across as condescending. My intent was simply to explain my reasoning in detail for the very reason that I knew my suggestion was opposite of another's. In my thinking, one can make a more informed decision if aware of both sides (or multiple sides) of an issue. Each of us has our reasoning and experience for our varied suggestions. I'm not saying your background is invalid, we just happen to disagree.

In my view, I still can't see the logic in putting a new rabbit (or 2) into the position of having to deal with the (soon coming) loss of a bondmate in order to help another (already dying) rabbit from dealing with a loss. Why subject more rabbits to the same? Just my point of view.

Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness for my buns (and potential future buns) feelings and well being. Its been less than a week since my bun lost her mate and I just have been so worried about her feeling lonely and lost. She has been a bit perkier today and came over to interact with me for a while but still won't let me pet her. I'm deeply afraid that her grief will make her health decline faster and so I was feeling pretty desperate when I first posted. I agree that bonding any rabbit knowing that bond may be broken so soon is irresponsible.

We have about 1200 sq ft of bunny proofed apartment (bedroom is off limits but thats it) so my hope was that two new buns may provide some comfort without too much pressure as they have plenty of space and resources. I think it might be wishful thinking, but if our bun reaches a level of healthy normalcy we might consider some speed dating to see if she finds a perfect match with a bonded pair but that's going to be several weeks from now if ever, and we are definitely not going to try to force anything. If it works, we've given two new buns a good home with lots of space and lots of love and we know our senior bun isn't alone in her last days. If it doesn't work (and all buns would have to let us know it was a perfect match) then we can confidently assume our bun is good with being single.

Again this is all theoretical, and I think we all know how opinionated bunnies can be. They usually let us know what they want, and we will be sure to read the signals and keep a close eye on her while she makes up her mind about how she feels.

Big thank you to everyone for your thoughtfulness and compassion. I feel very lucky to have found this community. Thank you!

 

[hunnybunny254367819364]

Like @Pandorly , I've also experienced a rabbit that, after a period of time after losing a bondmate, actually seemed more active and lively. It took several months (he never saw his bondmate dead) but he seems quite content now, happier even, to be the lone/top bun. He is more interactive with us and with the dogs too.

@hunnybunny254367819364 , I did not mean to come across as condescending. My intent was simply to explain my reasoning in detail for the very reason that I knew my suggestion was opposite of another's. In my thinking, one can make a more informed decision if aware of both sides (or multiple sides) of an issue. Each of us has our reasoning and experience for our varied suggestions. I'm not saying your background is invalid, we just happen to disagree.

In my view, I still can't see the logic in putting a new rabbit (or 2) into the position of having to deal with the (soon coming) loss of a bondmate in order to help another (already dying) rabbit from dealing with a loss. Why subject more rabbits to the same? Just my point of view.

The end of your comment again proves exactly what I said about coming off as condescending. OP I think your plan sounds great and definitely listen to your bun! But I refuse to be a part of an online community where others’ opinions aren’t respected. You are making it sound as if getting a bonded pair would be the worst thing ever when it most certainly wouldn’t. Please learn that there are opinions and options other than your own. Goodbye