My boyfriend wants to elope...

[BunnyLove89]

My boyfriend, Matt, and I have decided that we want to get married. The plan was to wait until after he gets back from boot camp and AIT or possibly after he gets back from Afghanistan. So we're looking at at least 1-2 years from now.
Yesterday Matt asked if I would elope with him and then move with him to South Carolina while he's in training (he leaves in January).
My parents don't approve of us getting married before he leaves (but they really don't have a say in it since I am 23). I'm kind of torn. I want my parents approval, but I also want to start my life with Matt. The tricky part would be moving my animals and figuring out how to pay for them (my parents help out now since I don't have a job).
I don't really know what to do. If the animals weren't an issue I would probably marry Matt before he leaves. But I'm scared that if I committ to it, I will find myself in South Carolina unable to provide for my pets...

 

[agnesthelion]

Didn't you just meet him after getting out of a difficult relationship?!? I think you are moving too fast. I would not elope if it were me. You are an adult and don't need your parents permission of course but parents have their children's best interest at heart and there is probably a good reason for them wanting you to wait. Getting married is a special day and I would want my parents blessing.

 

[Hyatt101]

I agree with Lisa, its a big decision! :yeahthat:

 

[Hyatt101]

 

[MiniLopHop]

You have not known him that long, I think it would be pushing it too fast. Reassure him that you will wait for him, but the relationship needs to have more time before making that huge committment. My wedding was simple, but it was a fantastic day to celebrate our relationship. I wanted to share it with our family and friends, to have a joyful day of love. I honestly think you will look back and regret running away.

Also, getting into being a military wife is very difficult. I think it is only fair that you get a little taste of the lifestyle before making it permanant. Are you willing to have your life revolve around what the military decides? Where to live, when he is home, when you can communicate- these are basics that I take for granted because I see my husband daily and we make decisions together. I have seen my friends get very angry after a time because they don't have a say in these basics of their relationship. It takes a special and strong relationship to withstand this type of pressure. If you both work at the relationship then it will still be there when he gets back, more mature and stronger than ever. If it falls apart when he goes to training then you will still have your family at your back for support rather than being legally tied to someone that it is not working out with and being all alone.

I know it is not very romantic, but for me the key to my marriage was before we got married I made a pros/cons list. Lots of people do, and of course he came up with more positives than negatives. The more unusual aspect was I then looked at the negatives- brutally honest over a period of a couple weeks- and decided if I could live with every single con on the list, exactly as it was, for the rest of my life. That is what you are signing up for and is the test of a relationship. Do not count on changing one thing about him that you don't like, because if you go into the marriage with that kind of expectation it is not fair to either of you. Yes we have both changed over the years, I think for the better, but not how I would have predicted or pushed for if I were trying to change him.

 

[LakeCondo]

Eloping or not isn't the issue, not knowing each other long enough, is. And you have to look at the whole situation, including his parents, brothers, & sisters. Some of them may end up living with you someday.

Marriages are a lot harder to get out of than into. You need to know him much longer & certainly having children with him should be out until you've known him several years.

You need to know why he's joined the military: career, temporary for schooling help, etc. What are your & his long-term goals & how compatible are they?

The boot camp is temporary & if he's deployed overseas, you'll soon be alone anyway. It doesn't sound like he's taking your situation into account & just wants you around for companionship. He won't have much free time during boot camp anyway, maybe 20 hours a week, during which he'll probably want to sleep. Instead, after he's there a couple weeks, go visit.

 

[JjGoesBounce]

I agree with everything said here. Plus, you don't want to because you posted on this site. You are trying to get backup so you don't feel as mean. You are asking strangers for their opinion about love.
Not trying to be mean, but that's my opinion.

Jj

 

[LakeCondo]

JJ, I see nothing wrong with asking us. Jen isn't obligated to do what we suggest, & we don't have a vested interest in what she decides, so can be more impartial than her family & the fiance.

Jen, think of the old saying "Act in haste, repent in leisure."

 

[MyBabyHasPaws]

I agree with everything said here.

Marriage is no joke. I refused to be a divorced single mother so I took my sweet time with it. I was "dating" my husband for 10years before we actually got married... I might have pushed it a bit too long but you get my point lol.

Also remember. When you marry him you marry his family. Make sure this is what you really want. You dont want to leave your comfort zone where you're at now to move to SC and then be screwed if things dont work out.. ya know?

Good luck!

 

[cwolfec]

Coming from a military standpoint, I can understand why your boyfriend would want to marry you and have you move together because he wants to have as much time as possible before he deploys to Afghanistan. God forbid, if something bad happened to him overseas, he also wants to make sure you are taken care of. And you have to be legally married for that.

On the other hand, military life is rough and is absolutely not for everyone. I got to see my husband probably 3 months out of 12 this year. Nothing anyone tells you can prepare you for being a military wife. BUT, it can be done! And done successfully!

Best of luck to you whatever you decide! Just thought I'd add my two cents worth