Just feeling down

[Mrs. PBJ]

Ok so I have been watching the twins. Dont get me wrong I love them to death but it putting a strain on me and erroll. My car is messed up and getting worse we are putting a lot of miles on it doing this. at least 200 a week compared to the mabye 50 a week we where doing.

I am not getting paid so I am lossing money doing this. I* just miss home so much and I was suposed to be off next week so EJ took off. Well she has to go to school. I cant get a job and was looking into some work from home things but not sure what is real or not.

Just a lot going on that I am not sure how to deal with at the moment. This is the only safe place to talk considering no one knows my sister and will go run there mouth to her



Its like storm does not even know me anymore. Boss is scared of me for two days when I come home. Of course phe phe knows me but she is so stuck up my butt when I get home its anoying.

 

[JadeIcing]

I had the feeling this would happen. How much longer is this going on?

 

[kirbyultra]

You are doing such a good thing for your sister. I hope that you will be ok. Storm is just being a bunny, he doesn't know any better. Give it some time when you are back for longer periods and he'll be right back with ya.

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

it is suposed to last for two years. But not sure I miss so much with them and storm loves erroll now I am jealous. I do enjoy the time I spend more with them.



In the summer I will bring all the kids out here though. for a while

 

[JadeIcing]

2 years?!?!?!:shock:That is a long time. More so if you are missing out on working and contributing to your household. What happens if one of your animals is sick.

 

[Elf Mommy]

You are being very generous with your time, and you are a good person for that, Kat. However, she is taking advantage of your good nature. A few weeks makes sense for imposing on a family member. Two years is too much. It really is.

If you're close to your sister, you should just open up to her. Tell her you didn't realize what a strain it would be on your household and relationship. That you adore her children, and would like to help her out, but that you can't afford not to be looking for work in this economy, even something you could be doing from home.

To this end, you will need her to start bringing the kids to you before she goes to work so you can continue to look for work-from-home options for yourself with access to your computer and information at your house. That over the next few months as you are looking for options, that the two of you can explore other options for child care in the case that you get a job out of the home.

In addition, you'll still need her to provide for meals and snacks for the kids. You also are looking into providing structured activities and early learning for them (***I'll help you with that if you like***), so you may be asking for additional funds to purchase supplies to help them get a jump start in their learning.


What do you think?

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

Well I live way to far any for anyone to drive to and from everyday.

I am thinking some time in the summer we are going the day care route.

I live a hour and 15 minutes from her. Which is why I stay over night. The job is not a huge issue we are just trying to get rid of that old car. If the pets get sick I stay home she knows that.

Hopefully in the summer we have more aptions my 15 year old neice wants to watch them some to.

I am getting my lap top next week so hopefully a work from home job will be a option even from there.



I think I am just fustrated with her husband more then anything I knew it was two years going in. I knew it would get old I knew it was going to be hard. We are getting them the my baby can read soon. There staying up more so we are trying to find things to occupie there time.



I just want to live closer but dont want to move. If I could watch them from home it would be great I would be fine with the whole thing. I just hate being away from home 4 days a week.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

Very honestly, if she is with her husband, between the two of them they should be able to raise their own children.

You are wonderful for putting out so much of your time, but you are losing far too much money. Even if you didn't intend to have a job, the car needs gas, and the driving is putting a major toll on the vehicle.

Your personal life is obviously suffering.

I think it is time for your sister to either pay you the same wages that any other caregiver would get, or it is time for you to cut back. If she's willing to drive them to your home, well, maybe that could work. Maybe every 2nd weekend you can help out.

These are not your children, Kat, and your sister is not being fair.

2 years is an imposition; you are being taken advantage of.
She and her partner made a commitment to raise these children. They need to step up to the plate.

 

[TinysMom]

NorthernAutumn wrote:

Very honestly, if she is with her husband, between the two of them they should be able to raise their own children.

You are wonderful for putting out so much of your time, but you are losing far too much money. Even if you didn't intend to have a job, the car needs gas, and the driving is putting a major toll on the vehicle.

Your personal life is obviously suffering.

I think it is time for your sister to either pay you the same wages that any other caregiver would get, or it is time for you to cut back. If she's willing to drive them to your home, well, maybe that could work. Maybe every 2nd weekend you can help out.

These are not your children, Kat, and your sister is not being fair.

2 years is an imposition; you are being taken advantage of.
She and her partner made a commitment to raise these children. They need to step up to the plate.

:yeahthat:

Kat - you have a big heart and its awesome that you are helping your sister - but two YEARS is far too long for you to put your own life on hold. I had twins and I will say that *maybe* two months is reasonable - maybe.

Your sister and her husband do have options - they can work different shifts so that one person can be home with the twins all the time. You could babysit one weekend per month or something to give them a break.

But your husband and your family (your animals, etc) - need to come first or else your marriage will suffer. I've seen it happen too many times where women will put their "other" family ahead of their significant other and then wonder why they're struggling.

Really - you have a big heart and I admire you for wanting to help out your sister. That is great. But it is unfair of them to expect you to have your life on hold for 2 years while you take care of their children.

As I said - I had twins - so I know how hard it can be. But you need to enjoy your life also.

Just my .02 ~ feel free to toss it if you don't like it!

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

Yeah but I knew it was two years I knew I would be gone.

I want to tell her no more but at the same time its like she is not working she is going to school so she can afford to divorce her husband and take care of these kids. She is bettering herself but needs help doing it.

Everyone needs help but two years is a long time. And we are not moving anytime soon we both like the island. When they get a little older I may be able to get them at the house when they are a little older but now they are to young to be around the animals.

I will let them get past flu season and then have a talk with shena. mabye around 4 months they are three now that puts us right around christmas.

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

I completly understand what yall re saying

how old was everyone kids when they put them in daycare if they did.

Husband works and says he cant handle the twins. Which is why she is trying to leave him. But she has to get on her feet first. If I could find a job that pays enough we could have two apartments.

I am making excuses I know

 

[NorthernAutumn]

He can learn to be a better father, and learn how to step up. However, your sister needs to step up to, and become responsible for the care of her children as part of a team together with her husband.

I would promote the pair of them to seek marriage counselling.... church, local group, wherever. It is truly unfair to bring babies into the world, then decide to split up only 3 months after their arrival.
Being a family is tough, and caring for infants is tough. Not a reason to bail on the committment to eachother though. People marry for the good times and the bad alike.

I think they need to put some major effort into building their family together. Perhaps now is not an appropriate time for your sister to take schooling.
May be better to get a part-time job with flexible hours that allow her and her husband to shoulder the burden of care equally.

Hugs, Kat:hug:
You're a great caregiver, but it sounds like this situation is a lot deeper than you can solve. They have to work as a team to resolve the challenge.

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

He is not willing to. He beat the crao out of her and spent 3 months in jail about a year ago well mabye a little longer. Cause she was not pregnant but she has been stuck cause she has no schooling.

He is going to start bar tending again she is great at it but cant afford to take care of four on that job.

I hope no kids are reading this but the twins were codum and birthcontrole babys.

They used both and she got twins.She did not want anymore kids.

She has been trying to leave for a year and a half now. Erroll has even said come on. we would rather you not be with him and you live with us.

Its not the twins causing this. Its has been coming. For a long time. she came to houston to get rid of him she did live in ATL. He found her and she took him back.

She is trying toget him to go back on the road. So at Least she could have a income without him there.

 

[NorthernAutumn]

Ahhh... I see. Lousy situation . Domestic violence is very uncool.

Well, sounds like your near-apartment route is the best way to go. Is her schooling mobile (like online or distance ed?)... if not, there may be a distance course option she can pursue so that she and her kiddos are nearer your support system (yourself and Erroll).

ETA: However, what I said before stands. She and her partner need to work out a way to raise their children, whether together or not.
You are not being fairly treated at this point in time, and that must change drastically, IMO.

 

[JimD]

They expect you to travel back and forth to take care of THEIR kids?
For no compensation?

I would strongly suggest that you tell them they will have to bring the kids to you instead.

Tell them you car just can't handle the extra use and you don't feel safe driving it more than absolutely needed.

Maybe the kids should come stay with you instead....as long as they provide all the stuff needed to take care of them on a 'round the clock situation.
Or maybe they could stay with you on an every-other basis....a week or to here...a week or two there.

There's got to be better options than totally abandoning you life so that they can get theirs straightened out. How can they not feel guilty about asking you to give up your life/family/bunnies.

How is that being a true friend or family member?

Tell them you changed your mind....you have the right to you know.


just my $.02

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

We are doing the week here week there in the summer when all the kids are out of school.

Right now they are comping for my gas as of this week. And her husband is going to do the work on my car for free he is a mechanic.

They will pay for parts well except the engine mounts but thats a 200 dollar part. So hopefully it will work out.

We are going to work out all the details.

 

[Pipp]

Kat, I think you're just awesome for helping out your sister!

If they're paying the gas and working on your car and doing what they can in appreciation, that's great. If they haven't offered gas money before now, though, they may be taking advantage. And I think that splitting the costs of the engine mounts is fair, I'd certainly suggest that.

People, especially family, should support each other, though, and she does sound like she's in a tough spot. If you think that she'd be driving over an hour every day to help you out if you needed it, then its all good. It's a two way street.

The schedule sounds like its a bit much, though. I'm sure she can juggle her courses and cut down the number of days but increase the hours for the days she's attending so you'll have an extra day at home.

She can also look into a co-op situation with someone in a similar position -- they take turns watching their kids.

There are ways to lighten the load. I'm sure you all can work something out, it just might take a little gentle insistence and creative thinking.


sas :hug1

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

Her school schedule is set in stone she goes to remington.
Its monday tuesday Wednesday.

she tried to get all classes in two days they would not do it. I stay at her house Sunday thru wednesday.

That driving would kill me car. Back and fourth everyday.

I think we had a good talk last night and things are going to change a little. But right now I am more worried about her getting away from him.

If I called her tomorrow and said come get me I need help she would be there in a heartbeat. Me and her are very close. she has alway been the one helping everyone else. She hates needing help now

 

[JadeIcing]

Talking is good.

 

[Mrs. PBJ]

I wanted to update this thread.

Her husband has been doing a lot of work on my car resently almost sound brand new under the hood.

Also we have been able to get in home daycare through the state so I am getting paid. 1000 a month not a lot considering what a true nanny would be but it cover everything for me.

I am also doing some work for her apartment complex typing up invoices and stuff I get paid by the invoice so I can do two or 10. So that helps and give me something to do.

Also the twins are getting older over the summer they will be coming to my house one week and then I will come here one week. Once the older girls start school we will be looking into day care a weeek one week two sheduale. so she does not have to drop so much but I get a break.

Sense there twins the doctor wanted them to get through the first winter if she could completly out of daycare and I was aviable anyway.

Also its gotten a lot easier and erroll and me have worked out web cam and skype and Msn to be able to communicate as much as possible.

It seem like the twin where just born yesterday and they are 5 1/2 months old sitting up almost and Niama is crawling almost also.

I wanted to thank everyone for the support.