ChandieLee
Well-Known Member
I've been lurking on the forum; I want to post more, but I just feel so shy. I worry about what everyone will think of me; I know that it's silly to think that way. I mean this place has kind of become a second home to me, if that makes sense. Without RO's support, I could have lost Belle when she was horribly ill. I plan to donatemoney when I get the chance.I will also make an honest effort to open up and be my quirky little self here.:weee: I don't know why, but it's really hard for me. I hope you guys don't mind, but I also need to vent. Feel free to ignore it. I'm sorry if it turns out to be really long. Sometimes it just helps to write everything out.
My life is a mess, to put it simply. I'm 21, out of school, I don't drive and I don't have a job, but there's a reason. I'm not lazy bum who's trying to mooch off of my parents. I've been sick for awhile, almost two years. For the first eight months, I had tonsilitis that had gone undetected because my doctor kept testing me for mono. :grumpy:Obviously if it didn't come up positive the first time, it was going to come up positive the second, third or fourth times. Finally she sent me to a specialist (7 months later:grumpy
who checked me for mono (Ugh) and tonsilitis. After the tonsilitis came up positive, he decided that I should have my tonsils removed. After the operation, I felt much better for about a month or so. That's when the headaches started.
I started waking up with headaches everyday and they'd last all day. They were usually bad enough where I couldn't get out of bed. So my doctor prescribed MRI after MRI, all of them showing nothing. Then she finally sent me to a neurologist, who prescribed yet another MRIbanghead) which showed nothing, like I already knew it wouldn't. So, the neurologist prescribed a med for the headaches, which actually seemed to work... but wait, there's more. My right side started hurting and it turns out I have Gall stones. The doctor I talked to about that doesn't want to take them out right now because I'm too young. I don't understand that, but whatever. I was told to call him if it became excruciatingly painful. Fine. Whatever. I can do that.
You'd think my body would give me a break after all of that, but no. My whole body started to hurt; my joint and muscles. It turns out I may have fybromyalgia, like my mom. :cry1:I had no idea that it was hereditary.... At one point, the pain in my shoulders became to much to handle, so I was sent physical therapy and it actually helped the pain, however, my insurance would only pay for so many sessions. After the physical therapy, not only did the pain in my shoulders come back, but the headaches too. I tried talking to my doctor about all of my symptoms again, and she was actually very dismissive about. She told me that she didn't see anything wrong with me and that I should talk to my psychiatrist!! :grumpy:She didn't believe that I was telling the truth. She though I wanted attention, but Italked to my psychiatrist anyway, and he believes that my symptoms are genuine. He believes that I'm telling the truth. So, as of right now, I have left that doctor and I am waiting to be seen by a new one.
Most days, I can't get out of bed, but I force myself to for a little while atleast. Taking care of the bunnies is a great motivation for me. Being sick hasn't kept me from spending time with them or cleaning their cage. I believe it's an accomplishment for me, even if it's a tiny one.
Most of my friendships have been damaged though. Alot my friends don't believe me either. And it hurts. I've always been there for them, and alot of them have gotten into alot of trouble, but I've never judged them; I was always here to listen and lend a shoulder for them to cry on. Now that I'm sick, I;m not worth their time, oreffort. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. They make me feel like a door mat. It's helpful to know that my parents and boyfriend understand though. I'm very lucky to have them.
There is good news though; I'm going to try and get out more, regardless of how I feel. I'm thinking that if I push myself, I'll start to feel better. Optimism can be very healing. I've been taking singing lessons. And they're going great.I have an audition for The Worcester Chorus next week actually. They're a professional chorus in my city. I'm very nervous about this audition, yet I feel confident at the same time. I'm also hoping to go back to college in the spring.
I'm sorry this was so long. I guess I just needed to get this off my shoulders before going to sleep. Thanks for reading, as always.
Chandra. :hearts:
My life is a mess, to put it simply. I'm 21, out of school, I don't drive and I don't have a job, but there's a reason. I'm not lazy bum who's trying to mooch off of my parents. I've been sick for awhile, almost two years. For the first eight months, I had tonsilitis that had gone undetected because my doctor kept testing me for mono. :grumpy:Obviously if it didn't come up positive the first time, it was going to come up positive the second, third or fourth times. Finally she sent me to a specialist (7 months later:grumpy
who checked me for mono (Ugh) and tonsilitis. After the tonsilitis came up positive, he decided that I should have my tonsils removed. After the operation, I felt much better for about a month or so. That's when the headaches started.I started waking up with headaches everyday and they'd last all day. They were usually bad enough where I couldn't get out of bed. So my doctor prescribed MRI after MRI, all of them showing nothing. Then she finally sent me to a neurologist, who prescribed yet another MRI
banghead) which showed nothing, like I already knew it wouldn't. So, the neurologist prescribed a med for the headaches, which actually seemed to work... but wait, there's more. My right side started hurting and it turns out I have Gall stones. The doctor I talked to about that doesn't want to take them out right now because I'm too young. I don't understand that, but whatever. I was told to call him if it became excruciatingly painful. Fine. Whatever. I can do that.You'd think my body would give me a break after all of that, but no. My whole body started to hurt; my joint and muscles. It turns out I may have fybromyalgia, like my mom. :cry1:I had no idea that it was hereditary.... At one point, the pain in my shoulders became to much to handle, so I was sent physical therapy and it actually helped the pain, however, my insurance would only pay for so many sessions. After the physical therapy, not only did the pain in my shoulders come back, but the headaches too. I tried talking to my doctor about all of my symptoms again, and she was actually very dismissive about. She told me that she didn't see anything wrong with me and that I should talk to my psychiatrist!! :grumpy:She didn't believe that I was telling the truth. She though I wanted attention, but Italked to my psychiatrist anyway, and he believes that my symptoms are genuine. He believes that I'm telling the truth. So, as of right now, I have left that doctor and I am waiting to be seen by a new one.
Most days, I can't get out of bed, but I force myself to for a little while atleast. Taking care of the bunnies is a great motivation for me. Being sick hasn't kept me from spending time with them or cleaning their cage. I believe it's an accomplishment for me, even if it's a tiny one.
Most of my friendships have been damaged though. Alot my friends don't believe me either. And it hurts. I've always been there for them, and alot of them have gotten into alot of trouble, but I've never judged them; I was always here to listen and lend a shoulder for them to cry on. Now that I'm sick, I;m not worth their time, oreffort. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. They make me feel like a door mat. It's helpful to know that my parents and boyfriend understand though. I'm very lucky to have them.
There is good news though; I'm going to try and get out more, regardless of how I feel. I'm thinking that if I push myself, I'll start to feel better. Optimism can be very healing. I've been taking singing lessons. And they're going great.
I have an audition for The Worcester Chorus next week actually. They're a professional chorus in my city. I'm very nervous about this audition, yet I feel confident at the same time. I'm also hoping to go back to college in the spring.I'm sorry this was so long. I guess I just needed to get this off my shoulders before going to sleep. Thanks for reading, as always.
Chandra. :hearts:
