Alexah
Well-Known Member
Tomorrow morning I'm scheduled to leave for a "trip." It's kind of business oriented, but since it's a volunteer organization it's hard to describe it as such. I've done this weekend maybe ten times before and have always enjoyed it. But this time is different and I'm having a terrible time with actually wanting to go. Or at least not dreading it
I was originally supposed to be going with four people. Two are a married couple and room together so that's that, but there was another (older) single woman who I was going to room with. We've shared a room before and have been alright with one another. But this time another woman from a different area, whom I've met maybe once before, asked to room with us. The way it was broached to me was, "Would it be okay if so-and-so stayed with us? She's new and we need to be welcoming and kind to her. We really should do this and I want to, so it's fine with you, right?" Now just how was I supposed to say anything but yes to that?! She didn't ask me, she manipulated me. So I'm already anxious about this "new" person, but then I start freaking out because I don't want to share a bed with someone I don't know and am not comfortable with (I would've had my own bed if it was just me and the one woman I was originally supposed to room with). I yell, cry, and have a major anxiety attack about all this and my mom tells me that I need to talk about it with the woman who is planning the trip (the one I was meant to room with in the first place - she is someone I've known for a good five years and we're not close-close, but we're close enough). So I pluck up my courage and go for it. But now the situation is even worse.
I explained to the woman that I have major anxiety and trauma issues (which she knows) and couldn't imagine sharing a bed with anyone - let alone sharing a bed with someone I don't know. We'll be staying at a Hilton and generally the rooms have two very nice sized full/queen beds. I know that she has had no problem sharing a bed with someone in the past so I figured we'd be all good and she'd share with this other woman (she is "friends" with this person) and I'd have the second bed to myself. But no. She went ahead and changed our double room to a king room so I could have a cot. Now what in the hell did she do that for?! She claims she did it for me so I could have my own bed, but, in all honesty, I would have in the previous room arrangement as well. Meanwhile, I feel completely put out and pushed aside in favor of a woman who's not even in our group. I tried talking to her about all of this, but she says I'm being selfish, dramatic, and the like. "If only you'd just push aside your issues. If only you could choose to do something different." Blah, blah, blah. I'm mad as all get out
If that wasn't bad enough, we're now traveling seven people (two children who are the other couple's grandkids) to a van with loads and loads of luggage, food, a karaoke machine, so on and so forth. We were supposed to have a car for me and the two women and have the other couple have their own vehicle (both cars were to be paid for by the organization), but since she didn't want to pay the extra expense, we're all now going to be stuffed in a van for five hours. It's not going to be comfortable for anyone and I'm just so annoyed by the whole situation. I understand the not wanting to pay for a second vehicle, but as volunteers to an organization, I feel we're being treated poorly. Since gas is so expensive these days, it does make sense to travel together, but we're fitting too many people into a van which with all of the luggage is no longer going to be comfortable for anyone. The rental company even said that the van will not comfortable seat seven and that you can fit four adults and a child comfortably, but with five adults and two children we were pushing it - let alone luggage. I've now been informed that I can have no more than a small duffel bag, but, wait! - that's only because the rest of the people want to bring larger suitcases, coolers, and the karaoke. UGH!
Maybe I'm being unreasonable, but I honestly do feel as though I've been pushed aside so that others can be comfortable. I think the whole situation would've been better for all if we were asked about things instead of being told. Why is it okay for some people to be treated better than others? I feel as though we're catering to a couple that are bringing their grandkids (they scheduled their visit along with this weekend so it would be like a "vacation") and someone who does not even belong to our local group. I get the whole wanting to be hospitable and friendly thing, but is it worth it at the expense of current members? I've tried to voice my concerns, but I'm always being shot down before I have a chance to begin. Some things can't be changed, but it would've at least made me feel better about things if the woman planning was willing to hear me instead of telling me to "get over it." And, yes, that's what she said.
Am I completely wrong here? Am I overreacting? Is it okay to feel this way? I just need someone to hear me and my concerns because no one (aside from my mom) in real time is acting like they give a damn. I don't want to revert back to behaviors to get through this weekend and I'm going to work my butt off to not go back to that place. But, in the meantime, could I please have some encouragement, well wishes, or a kick in the rear?! I could seriously use all three
