GoinBackToCali
Well-Known Member
I'm sitting here.. feet in Russell's lap, he's doing some paperwork..Christian's in the tub.
Blake's gone. He's at the Homecoming bonfire with his new girlfriend Kallaugha.
It's an emotional junkpunch for more than one reason.
My son use to be so dependent on me, he had so many issues. He doesn't need me anymore.
He's bounced through girls, enjoyed the attention.. but then he met this girl. Kallaugha.
Pronounced Kuuuuh-lay-uuuh.
Kallaugha's name alone kicks my butt. When Russell and I split up years ago. It was over a lost baby. It was a boy. We wanted a girl. The girl name list contained 2 names.
Reve' (pronounced Ree-Vay) & Kallaugha. It wasn't just the name. It was her name, it was HER. I knew her mom, didn't care for her much, but saw her in the salon one day, and heard her calling her to her. She was maybe 2 or 3..I forget..
Just a bittersweet reminder.
This girl IS different. Blake spends every waking moment with his phone firmly attached to his ear.. and this girl is a real girl.. not a fluff piece. She calls him from the deer stand.. they go 4 wheelin, she's in FFA, she's in powerlifting, she enjoys burping and being loud and rowdy. She's also 15.
She came out to see Blake show this weekend..and you can see it in her eyes. Everybody said so.. she thinks my son hangs the moon and the stars.. and he thinks the sun rises and sets in her.
So I should be happy.. right?
But I am sitting here on the verge of tears..
When we moved I found an old journal in a box.. I found an entry I wanna post here..
"I made the decision to have my tubes tied. For the most part I am happy with my choice,but no one really told me what an emotional K.O. it really is. I will never again feel the warmth or smell the baby smell of my own newborn on my chest. These are the final diaper days, the last tiny sleepers I will snap snuggly on a small squirming boy who is just waking up to the world. I feel like I am at the peak of an adult mountain, and I am rapidly sliding down into the valley of the 30's only to begin the torturous climb back up the mountain of raising teenagers."-Jan.1999
Blake's gone. He's at the Homecoming bonfire with his new girlfriend Kallaugha.
It's an emotional junkpunch for more than one reason.
My son use to be so dependent on me, he had so many issues. He doesn't need me anymore.
He's bounced through girls, enjoyed the attention.. but then he met this girl. Kallaugha.
Pronounced Kuuuuh-lay-uuuh.
Kallaugha's name alone kicks my butt. When Russell and I split up years ago. It was over a lost baby. It was a boy. We wanted a girl. The girl name list contained 2 names.
Reve' (pronounced Ree-Vay) & Kallaugha. It wasn't just the name. It was her name, it was HER. I knew her mom, didn't care for her much, but saw her in the salon one day, and heard her calling her to her. She was maybe 2 or 3..I forget..
Just a bittersweet reminder.
This girl IS different. Blake spends every waking moment with his phone firmly attached to his ear.. and this girl is a real girl.. not a fluff piece. She calls him from the deer stand.. they go 4 wheelin, she's in FFA, she's in powerlifting, she enjoys burping and being loud and rowdy. She's also 15.
She came out to see Blake show this weekend..and you can see it in her eyes. Everybody said so.. she thinks my son hangs the moon and the stars.. and he thinks the sun rises and sets in her.
So I should be happy.. right?
But I am sitting here on the verge of tears..
When we moved I found an old journal in a box.. I found an entry I wanna post here..
"I made the decision to have my tubes tied. For the most part I am happy with my choice,but no one really told me what an emotional K.O. it really is. I will never again feel the warmth or smell the baby smell of my own newborn on my chest. These are the final diaper days, the last tiny sleepers I will snap snuggly on a small squirming boy who is just waking up to the world. I feel like I am at the peak of an adult mountain, and I am rapidly sliding down into the valley of the 30's only to begin the torturous climb back up the mountain of raising teenagers."-Jan.1999
