I need to whine and whine and whine

[Luvmyzoocrew]

Oh gosh i am trying to figure out how to expalin this so that you all understand why i am aggravated. My sister , who i love, is married to a ????????? (thinking this a family board so i have to watch which word is inserted here that will get my point across and be "nice") Person, she has been with "IT" since, gosh for around 11 years, they have four kids together. Their whole "marriage" has been nothing but a boil on my rear,lol. Every year he goes and starts arguing with her and being out right nasty, then he leaves or she kicks him out, he goes out for anywhere from 3 months to 8 months then she lets him come back with all the empty promises he has promised her and then it is the same thing the following summer. This has been going on for the last 11 years, either every summer to every other summer. Now when he leaves it is like heck getting him to visit , or stick with visiting his kids, getting support off of him the whole nine. Now when he leaves who do you think picks up the slack for what he should be doing , me , and my parents. My parents have to baby sit, sometimes me, and then me or my dad have to drive here and there to get this one to school and that one to school, MIND YOU I HAVE THREE KIDS OF MY OWN WITH ANOTHER ONE ON THE WAY. My mom doesnt help because she tries laying the guilt trip on me about my sister would do it for me.



This last time, oh yes there was a last time, he just came back this last nov , i have not talked to him since he left, and the last time he left i completely backed off and tried my dangdest not to help with driving and babysitting. I am sick of it!!!!!!!!! He does this time and time again, we always here "this is it, this is the last time, i am done doing this, he isnt coming back, i have had enough" I have to try my hardest not to laugh because i know it isnt true. My family jokingly calls me Sylvia browne, but it nothing special he is sssssssssoooooooooooooo predictable. I am sick of rearranging my life around my sisters failing marriage for the last 11 years, it is time for her to stand up an finally make a gosh dang decision, she either needs to accept that he is the way he is and let him do what he wants or leave him and stop dragging those kids through all this crap. This is the second pregnancy of mine that i have to deal with this. I am about to have a baby and i dont need the added stress and to do list when i got my own life and stuff going on. I dont have a cho ice because my parents live next door so when they have to baby sit because her hubby wont if he isnt living there then they will be right next door then they all wind up at my house, which drives me insane having all these kids in my house. This last time he was out i backed off and didnt do much of anything for my sister and i had to deal with my mom until we finally had it out and i set her stratight, well as straight as i can cause i am sure we are going to have to have the same conversation again, that i am done dealing with her drama, and she keeps taking him back but only after inconviencing us for 6 months that i am not doing it and that my mom has to stop making me feel bad about it. Then mom says "oh she would do it for you" , which she would, but i said "well she owes me 11 years of doing it for me cause i have ALWAYS been there and i am not anymore"

If she truly in fact goes through with it then i would be more then willing to help out all that i can possibly help with , but just to help out for a temp thing that is only going to happen next year seems insane to him. :banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead:banghead



I am so sorry I have to spill somewhere and it has to be private so she doesnt come across it, no one has to respond just ignore me. It makes me feel better to type things out sometimes, so if this all sounds crazy i usually just type whatever is in my head in no random order, so i am sorry ,lol. anic:

 

[Becca]

Awwh So sorry you have to help " clean up" after he goes - don't worry bout moaning to us! You know we're friendly! - And i agree that her kids shouldn't have to through it all and neither should you

Sorry I can't be more helpful im only 13!

 

[polly]

I don't blame you at all what a pain for you sounds liek you have more than enough on your plate rant all you want i would be feeling exactly the same as you in that position. :hug:ink iris:

 

[Raspberry82]

So sorry, this does sound immensely aggrevating. To ease your frustration about it since you're really sick of this situation would be to sit down with your sis and tell her you don't want to babysit and help her out unless this ******* boyfriend is really gone for good, if he's the reason for all of these problems between both of you. With people in a co-dependent relationship like she and her guy, it is very hard to get them out of it until they decide to break the emotionally addictive pattern. You could try getting her books on co-dependent relationships to "open her eyes" to the unhealthiness of her current one.

I would hope telling her you don't want to be involved until he's really gone would shake her up a bit, that he's obviously bad news if her own sister doesn't want to be around it...?!

But, if she doesn't come around, you have to figure out what your sanity boundaries are. The amount of stress and aggrevation her relationship is causing for you definitely don't need. If you really don't want to do it, put your foot down with her and tell her why. Hopefully she might just change.

These are always tough, I had to go through that with my best friend when we were in our early 20s and it basically ruined out friendship because I wasn't a friend anymore, I was just a person she knew she could always use to her advantage when in bad spots and with no reciprocation, I would always rescue her. So I had to stop doing that.

 

[Luvmyzoocrew]

Thanks everyone. Becca thanks I know you are only 13 but it is nice of you to be supportive :group:



I know i have to stand up and say something, and i have gone around about way of doing it , but of course she gets defensive, and this is always the last time, and it is serious this time, and she is finally doing it this time but it never happens.lol

 

[Raspberry82]

lol, yeah. My best friend is still doing that with her bfs. They all suck and are not upstanding great guys, but I swear she's a magnet for them. Then when it's finally over (after a million break-up/get back togethers) she doesn't know why she put up with it. Sigh!

:hug: I can only imagine how much harder it would be with a real sister :/.

 

[LadyBug]

:hug1
haha, we posted at the same time Seniorcats! and i compleatly agree with what you said.

 

[seniorcats]

Wow, I'm going to say the first thing that came in my head - put yourself and your own kids first! You don't need this garbage right now or at any time. And shame on your mother for the guilt trip.

Your sister could do with some counseling - no I am not making a smart remark. She really needs to understand why she keeps going back to this dysfunctional person. If he has had a court ordered child support, even in the past when they were seperated, he still owes that money. She needs to get rid of this guy, get a decent domestic attorney and have child support pursued. She is tearing up the lives of her own kids.

 

[pumpkinandwhiskersmom]

I spent a good part of my adult life putting out fires in my birth family's life....my maladjusted brother, and my folks, who couldn't tell him to stand up and be a man. I know from hind sight that I should have put my own kids and husband first much sooner than I did. When I finally set the boundaries that worked for me, my family griped and moaned and tried to guilt me into doing more than I was capable of doing, but, after some help and support from 2 good friends, I drew the line. We all have a "point of no return" and it sounds like they crossed your point years ago. When you find some "quiet time" (which I know sounds impossible right now), try to think about what you are willing/can do and what you can't/aren't willing to do for your extended family. It doesn't matter what anyone else would do for you....the point is, you don't expect anyone to keep coming to your rescue for the same fire that you allow to start, over and over again. I don't mean to be harsh about your sister, because, just like I loved my brother, I'm sure you love her very much. However, that doesn't mean that it's ok for her to dump her stuff on you, and expect you to take care of your life and hers. IMHO, your first responsibility is to your children, your husband, and yourself. Caring for yourself ensures that you can care for your family, as well. All of this stress is bad for all of you, especially that precious life that is about to come into the world. We're here for you, and we'll listen and send our thoughts, prayers, and hugs to you. Let us know how things are going.

 

[Raspberry82]

:yeahthat:



:hug2:

 

[Luvmyzoocrew]

seniorcats wrote:

She is tearing up the lives of her own kids.

Amen to that



Thank you everyone for your words, I know i have to do something, it really sucks. I do agree that she NEEDS counseling but i cant make her go,lol. Her life is a runaway train heading for a wall, but i cant help someone who keeps putting themselves in the same predicament, KWIM.



Thank you everyone again. I will defintely be whining if in fact he does leave AGAIN,lol

 

[JadeIcing]

I would like to have a talk with your sister. :X

 

[JadeIcing]

Quik question...How did you turn out more sane?

 

[Luvmyzoocrew]

JadeIcing wrote:

Quik question...How did you turn out more sane?

HA HA HA HA my parents want to know the samething,lol, they often say they dont know what happened with her,lol. She has always been like that, even when she was younger with her friends. My mom has always been a co dependent with her family because her family was all alcoholics so i assume that she got it from her. My mom has always disrupeted her life for thier problems, my house always h ad a revolving door for this uncle, or these cousins because mom was in rehab or a mental hospital. I got to the age of 16 and said enough and cut myself off from some of them and said i have had enough that my family can let them treat them like that but i wasnt going to anymore, hence the label B**ch i got at a very early age,lol.



I TURNED OUT SANE CAUSE I HAVE BUNNIES IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! lol