I need some unbiased opinions...

[LadyOnslaught]

I have a problem and I need some unbiased/unemotional opinions on this. I'll try to just put the important details in as to not make this too long. I'll also just say that I'm running on pure emotion so that's why I want to make the best choice in this situation.

In March of last year my dad met a woman and started dating her. Within a month they had moved in together and planned to get married. Around that time my dad and I were having a lot of problems and quit talking to one another. I met his girlfriend once and hated her instantly. She wanted to declaw a cat I needed to find a home for and laughed about it when I said I didn't agree with it. She was very rude and this is the first time I've met the woman. She's done a few other things too like call me a f*****g b**** and tried to throw me out of my old house (my family was trying to have a private conversation that didn't involve her. She waltzed right in and would not leave). Enough of that.

In February of this year my dad was murdered trying to help an abused woman (his girlfriend's friend) get away from her husband. The husband wasn't supposed to be there, shot his wife, my dad and himself. I blame the girlfriend. I probably shouldn't but I really just hate this woman. She now has my dad's dog and I am the administrator for his estate. She has kept everything from me such as his personal belongings. There's a lawsuit involved about this whole thing (the death) and she's created other problems and basically just ruined everything.

My question - I know I'm being selfish but I don't want her to have the dog. I can not take her as much as I would love to as our Aussie loves her but that would put us up to 7 animals and we can't do that becuase we rent. I thought about trying to get her and finding another home for her. I do not know this woman and do not know what kind of home she will provide for this dog. Any suggestions? As I said, I am running off of pure emotion and I want to do what's right for the dog but I really just hate this woman too so I know I am being spiteful but she literally taken everything from me through my dad (his things, life insurance money, my dad himself) so I just do not want her to have the dog. I also just needed to vent but I'll shut up now .

 

[Leaf]

Bottom line, putting everything aside:

Does she have vet references? If so and if they are good - having a willing home wanting the dog is really a gem, especially if the dog is an adult, as puppy and kitten season pounds down on us.

Taking the dog yourself and putting yourself over the limit could endanger the well being of all of your animals especially if someone would turn you in - out of malice or anger.

 

[LadyOnslaught]

Leaf wrote:

Bottom line, putting everything aside:

Does she have vet references? If so and if they are good - having a willing home wanting the dog is really a gem, especially if the dog is an adult, as puppy and kitten season pounds down on us.

Taking the dog yourself and putting yourself over the limit could endanger the well being of all of your animals especially if someone would turn you in - out of malice or anger.

I never did think of vet references. That's a great idea. My worry too is what if she reminds her of my dad too much or something. They did not get the dog together, he had the dog for a little while before meeting her but I can't remember exactly how long. She's probably about 3 years old now I would say. I have a card for the vet I think my dad used to take her too so I will have to give them a call. Great idea!

 

[Bo B Bunny]

I agree with Leaf whole heartedly here. She may love the dog and regardless of our personal feelings (and I am ready to choke this woman myself right now - so I can't imagine how you feel).... if the dog is safe, loved and cared for - and you cannot take it - be the better person and let it go. Leave her with nothing else if you like. (Did they ever marry?)

Try to remember this much - your dad, for whatever reason, cared about this woman and died trying to help another woman. He died being a good person and there aren't a lot of people who would do that for another person, ya know?

Think of him and try to talk to him. Relax, meditate and put all the other stuff out of your mind and think of something good around him.

Leaf wrote:

Bottom line, putting everything aside:

Does she have vet references? If so and if they are good - having a willing home wanting the dog is really a gem, especially if the dog is an adult, as puppy and kitten season pounds down on us.

Taking the dog yourself and putting yourself over the limit could endanger the well being of all of your animals especially if someone would turn you in - out of malice or anger.

 

[luvthempigs]

First I want to say that I'm sorry for your loss.

I think if I were in this situation I would ask her if she wants to keep the dog or if she prefer you to take it (even if you have to re-home the dog) She may or may not care about the dog but without asking her you really won't know.

Good luck to you.

 

[Alexah]

I, too, am very sorry for the loss of your father. And I'm sorry you have been placed in such an uncomfortable situation. However, I do agree with what Leaf and everyone else has said. It's important to see the situation as what is in the best interest of the dog. If she is someone who cares for the dog and treats him/her with compassion and respect, I don't see why she should not be allowed to continue to have the dog in her home. I second that asking her how she feels about the situation is important and so is seeing if she has vet and personal references.

Sometimes we have to make the hard decisions - the decisions we hate because they go against what we feel emotionally - but they're the "right" decisions for the situation. While I have no idea how you must be feeling, I do know that you care deeply for animals and for your dad. If you did not know this woman, how would you feel about her having your father's dog? Would it make you as uncomfortable as you are now? I think it'll be difficult to divorce yourself emotionally from the situation, but I really feel only then that you'll be able to see what is in the best interest of everyone involved.

Again, I'm sorry for yourloss. Please keep us updated and I hope you can continue to heal and move forward.

 

[trailsend]

I can't really add anything, I agree with what has been said. If the dog is safe and cared for, I would let it be. Leaf had great suggestions especially if you are worried about the welfare of the dog in her care.

I just wanted to say I am so very sorry for your loss and the situation you are in right now. I can only imagine how you are feeling. Life throws some unexpected and difficult lessons at us - and I hope the very best for you.

 

[LadyOnslaught]

Thank you everyone for your advice. That's what I needed are some unemotional opinions on the situation. I know the entire situation wasn't told but the parts really relevant to this were. She wasn't actually offered the dog either, my mom asked 'what about so and so' and she just stated she was keeping her.

 

[Leader of the Pack]

I agree with the others. You've been through such a horrible experience and I'm so sorry.

What's important now is what is in the best interest and happinessof the dog.

If the dog is happy and cared for then your father would be happy and proud of you for making such a mature and obviously hard, decision.