I need a little support please. Long long post.

[binkies]

I'm having trouble dealing with something. I hate to air my dirty laundry, but I just need to talk to someone!

I babysit for low income people through social services. I was underthe impression that my husband was certified to care for the childrenas well. So I left an hour before a mother came to get her little girl.That lady went balistic. She was furious. She called social servicesand complained. They called me and fussed at me for leaving. Iunderstand now that I am not to leave them in the care of my husband.Ok. got it. wont do it again. She told me she was going to find someoneelse. ok. fine. her decision and i guess understandable. She said Iwould have to watch the girl until she found someone else. I don't wantto but was going to do it. Forgive and forget. She picks up the littlegirl this evening and yells and screams at me. Lecturing me like alittle girl. Refused to let me speak, insulted me and it was just ahorrible experience. She even had an insult for my 3 year old boy.

I took all I could take and told her to get out and not bring the kidback. She goes off on me again. How dare I leave her without a caregivefor her daughter she said. I told her if she wouldn't have yelled atme, put me down, and been a little bit nicer in the first place itwould be different. She left furious yelling as she went out the door.I'm calling social services and telling them you left me high and dry!How does she expect me to watch her little girl after she treats methat way. In MY house!

I am a nervous wreck. So upset, shaking and crying. I just can't getover those hurtful words. And that fact that social services may fireme because of this. You wouldnt believe the crap I put up with her inthe first place. She would show up unannounced, pick the kid up hourslate. I had to beg for her to give me a schedule ahead of time.

 

[TinysMom]

I'm sorry you're so upset - and I hope Social Services will hear your side of the story.

But you didn't deserve that abuse and YEAH! for putting your foot down.

Someone needs to put that woman in her place...

Peg

 

[JadeIcing]

Oh my god. When talking about this earlier I hadthe feeling she would pull something like this. Make sure you call themfirst thing.:hug:

 

[nermal71]

I can sympathize hon. I did in homechildcare for 3 years. At the end it was pure Hell onwheels. I would call your contact at social services and tellyour side BEFORE She gets a chance to give them some preconcievedideas. I've found in my job that it is alwaysbetter to go to them first than let them hear it and then have todefend yourself. Let the mom defend herself when she callssocial services. I watched onefamily of three girls who thought it was ok for them to pay me threeweeks late and then only pay half that they owed me. Theywould bring the girls at 4am and not show up till 8pm ( I wassupposed to have them from 730am to430pm. I had one mom accuse meof neglecting her 6th grade daughter and forcing her to stay outside in95 degree heat and not let her have water. Funniest part ofthat is that it was april in chicago. Ok first it does NOThit 95 here in April. Second part was that we had a watercooler that all the kids had access to. It turnedout the girl just wanted to be babysat by her friend's mom.And instead of just telling her she lied. So yah Iknow what you are going through. And too manyparents now spend all of their time doing the "not my child"deal. If they only knew. I drive a school bus so Isee all the of the stuff that surely "not my child" would do.So take a hot bath, have a glass of wine(if you drink), read a goodbook and have a good snuggle with someone (furry or not) that youlove. And I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[binkies]

I'm sure she will call them the second theyopen. She is thoroughly ticked off. I am too. Made a mistake. It isover with. Was going to deal with losing a child. But now she is makingthis HUGE ordeal. Like I tried to kill her kid or something.

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

I'm so sorry you had to endure that.Good for you for telling her off. Call SS firstthing. Hopefully they'll see your side of it. Youshould never have to deal w/ being talked to that way. Ithink she messed up treating on of their employess that way.:hug:

 

[seniorcats]

Oh my, sorry that happened to you. Shesounds like a client you don't need and who will be trouble for futureday care providers.

As forthe business of 'how dare you leave her without acaretaker'.... you didn't. She is the child'smother and she is supposed to be the primary caretaker. Ireally hate it when people treat service providers and civil servantsas if they were slaves. This woman may find she has a hard time findingsomeone else to care for her child if word of her behavior gets around.

Don't lose any sleep over this person. She's not worth it.

 

[binkies]

This is just a nightmare! All this happened in front of my children too!

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

seniorcats wrote:

Don't lose any sleep over this person. She's not worth it.

:yeahthat

 

[binkies]

Ok. I have written a letter to the socialworker. I need your opinions because I am AWFUL at letter writing. Iplan on trying to fax it tonight. If that doesnt work, I will be takingit there first thing in the morning. Don't be nice about it at all, Ineed it to be perfect! Names are removed for privacy.



Dear x,

[align=left]

[align=left]First off, I understand that I made a mistake. I apologizeand it is not going to happen again. I need to inform you of anincident betweenx and I yesterday. Whenx came topick upx this evening she was extremely rude and hateful. Shecontinuosly lectured me and refused to let me speak. She even made arude remark about my son. Saying thatx has picked up his badhabits and it wasn't going to continue. This happened in front of mychildren. I feel completely disrespected and insulted. I understand sheis upset that I didn't speak to her before leaving. She has everyright. But she does not have the right to speak to me in the manner shedid in my own home and in front of my kids. Because of the manner inwhich she addressed me I told her not to bringx back. She isnow angry about that on top of everything else. She cannot speak to melike that and expect me to do her a favor by watching x until she findssomeone else. [/align]
[align=left][/align]
[align=left]I apologize for any inconvenience that this may cause youor her. It was not my intentions in anyway for this to happen. And if Ihad known that it was wrong, I wouldn't have left. I wrote this letterto get my side of things known because I know she is upset and will becontacting you again. [/align]
[/align]
[align=left]Sincerely,[/align]

 

[aurora369]

I would definitly call in tomorrow morning andtalk to your supervisor. Getting your side of the storey infirst will definitly help. And just be frank and stick toyour feelings and how what was said really hurt you. Stick tothe "I" messages, makes people take you more seriously.

My mother had a daycare when I was a baby and then switched toMontessori Preschool. Normally her parents are wonderful,they care about the children and are really nice. Some haveeven organized fundraiser with no prompting.

But every once and a while, you get a sour parent. Nothing istheir fault, and everything is the teacher/care providersfault. You won't be able to say anything to make them feelother wise. My mom has been yelled at a couple times, and herresponse has been the same as yours, "Don't bring your child back, Idon't need to deal with this..."

It's not right for her to abuse you like that. Screaming atyou does nothing but hurt the children and you. Good riddanceto her.

*edit* just saw the letter bit. I would stick a little more"I" messages in. Focus on your feelings and not her somuch. Oh, and I would change the last sentence about gettingyour side out. Just delete it and leave the other twosentences there.

--Dawn

 

[seniorcats]

You could also add a statement that you areafraid to watch X again because you are afraid the mother will againbecome verbally abusive in front of your children and you don't wantthat to happen.

 

[binkies]

Ok. I changed a few "she" to "i" and took out the last sentence.

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

seniorcats wrote:

You could also add a statement that you are afraid to watchX again because you are afraid the mother will again become verballyabusive in front of your children and you don't want that tohappen.

That's true! Get the ball outta your court! Theletter is ok. Could be better. Let us think on thisone...

Edit: Ok, first off, I would get rid of "I made a mistake" and put it more like this...

"I had an appt I couldn't cancel, I have 3 children of my own, whom myhusband cares for as well. I understand he's not "certified"but is not in anyway a harm to the children I care for in daycare, andnever would be. Why would I make such a choice?"

Stick up for yourself on theat level-at least. You deserve that much.

 

[binkies]

Well I can't actually say that. The conversationthis morning with social services made me realize he has to be CPRcertified. Which he isn't. And the appointment was a trip to a mallwith a friend. The mother already knows that point. (psst. I only have2 children btw.)

I made the corrections and faxed it. So it should be waiting somewherein the office when they open the door. I hope! I don't have a directnumber to the worker's office. Just the Social Services in General.Made a cover page, so I am hoping it will make it to the correct personsooner than later!

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

Sorry, I read it kinda quick. Ok, yes the CPR makes sense. I hope you don't lose your job over this.ray:

 

[seniorcats]

It's ironic thatshe thinks you are soterrible and an awful provider yet she wants to bring her childback. Doesn't make much sense.

I had this thought...maybe she doesn't want to keep on working andclaiming she has no child care is a legitimate reason to quit ajob. Just a nagging thought in my mind. The truthis probably a lot simpler - she like screaming and you were availableto be screamed at.

Kiss your kids, pat your animals and get a good night's sleep.

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

seniorcats wrote:

It's ironic thatshe thinks you are so terrible andan awful provider yet she wants to bring her child back.Doesn't make much sense.

I had this thought...maybe she doesn't want to keep on working andclaiming she has no child care is a legitimate reason to quit ajob. Just a nagging thought in my mind. The truthis probably a lot simpler - she like screaming and you were availableto be screamed at.

Kiss your kids, pat your animals and get a good night's sleep.

Man, Seniorcats, you make so much sense about this.:shock:

 

[Kadish Tolesa]

Hi Binkies, just wanted to let you know I amsupportive of your situation. I taught at a small parochial school afew years before my oldest son was born. As I was not thesenior teacher, I would sometimes ask the principal of the school whatto do in a certain situation. He said if a student (3rd. grd. ) wasdeliberately disobeying , I should keep him in at recess and talk withhim/her.

Well, there was one student who is now probably a fine person, but backthen he had teachers and students alike upset with his antics. (swearing, spitting, refusing to do the exercises in his workbook,ect...) So , one afternoon I kept him in for the break and tried toreason with him. I had a feeling that he was listening.

The next day, his dad showed up after school and asked me to come outin the hall. Out there, he snarled and spewed invective at me for quitea while. " My kids don't f--- up, but you do ! You're a completeincompetent , you should'nt be teaching. How dare you treat my son thatway ?" And so on. Overwhelming ! I had no wordsthat would have calmed him down, anyway. He said I was never todiscipline his kids again --

Well, what a day. After I got home and calmed down, I called theprincipal.After a 2 hr. conversation,I found out why the dadreacted like that and I didn't feel upset anymore. Sometimes I'm angryat someone without a clear grasp of the whole story. Because I was newto that school and area--I was just out of college--I was unaware ofwhat had transpired before..

Apparently , this was the 3rd school the family had senttheirchildren to in as many years. One year before I startedteaching, they had almost lost their kids to foster care. When thethird boy was 3 yrs. old, he died from ingestingfarmchemicals. At the inquest it was found that the motherwas not taking care of them( at the time of the horrible accident), notfeeding the baby and unable to cope. They had had too many kids atonce; and any mom knows how hard it can be with just two.They had sixwith the oldest being 7 yrs. And here I had been upset with the dad.

My principal said he would talk to the parents; and that I was tocontinue to treat their kid as same as all of the children. The dadnever came back to speak with me again.

Sorry this is such a long post. I've lived a long time and have triedto realise that I don't always know the whole story behind somone'sactions.

Binkies, you are going about this the rightway. Please keep your chin up and knowthat there are people here who care about you and are behind you. Ihaven't been in your shoes; but I know how bad it feels ...when youknow you did nothing wrong.

prayers, K.T.