How I spent today.. AKA Please run over me with a truck

[GoinBackToCali]

Got my hunny off to work, and the boys off to school. Got a load of laundry on and laid down for a few. I started having a dull ache on my left side. Couldn't get comfy fer nuthin'.

45 minutes later.. the pain has migrated to my front side, I am sprawled out on the living room floor.

Screaming...

Writhing...

Crying...



Phone rings...

It's my mom...she's convinced im constipated, and I need to go find a meat baster and some soapy water and some Vaseline.

*Yanno what Mom... I think I will just take my chances and tempt the reaper here... thanks for the advice..*

Weirdo...

So then she keeps calling me literally ever 5 to 10 minutes telling me to eat this.. and drink that.. and massage my stomach.. and apply heat.. and stop, drop and roll or some such nonsense..

"Yeah Mom.. I'll get right on that as soon as I get over the the overwhelming urge to throw myself in front of a semi....massaging my fat roll while rolling around and eating bon bons..*



GAWD LEAVE ME ALONE WOMAN!!!



So the cat is even looking at me like I am disturbing his slumber...*Woman please*..



'Bout this time.. Rick.. the ex calls... *What's the matter with you? What's up your butt today?*

My retort?

*Well if my mom had her way... a meat baster and some soapy water...*

*Pardon?*

*Nevermind... I need to call my husband..the new one...goodbye*

So Squidz answers... *Omg... what did you eat.. do you need a laxative or something?*

Why in the HECK does everybody think I am irregular...

I am regular.. like clockwork.

Then my mind flashes to him with the glove to the shoulder and him palpating a cow..

*Please just come home before I die and the cat feasts upon my bones*

My mom calls 3 more times in the 24 minutes it takes him to get home.. the last phone call went something like this...



STOP FRIKKIN CALLING ME... I AM IN PAIN.. YOU'LL GET A CALL WHEN IM DEAD OR BETTER.. YOUR IRRITATING THE CRAP OUT OF ME...GOODBYE!

So she texts me..

*Well if I am irritating the crap out of you.. that most likely will solve your problem now won't it..*

Funny mother......

Long story short...

I didn't have to go to the bathroom thankyouverymuch.. got me a lovely Demerol shot, got me some blood work, some urine tests, and a CAT scan..

And in between the blood/urine tests and the CAT scan the pain subsided..

My CAT Scan revealed dilation.. which means I had passed a kidney stone....and also showed a buncha smaller ones..

Just imagine my mood had I heeded my mother's advice..

 

[JadeIcing]

This made me run to the bathroom before I peed my pants!



You ok?

 

[Happi Bun]

I'm sorry but the way you described everything made me LOL!

Yikes, a kidney stone. I hope you are feeling better? :hug:

 

[TinysMom]

I'm sorry Zin - but I laughed till I had tears flowing.

I didn't laugh at your pain - I laughed at your creative and humorous way of telling the story.

Then - I cried when I got to the end and saw what you had.....

My goodness gal....are you ok now? I've never experienced that but I'm told its pretty darn painful. Is there a plan in place to get those other stones to pass without putting you through so much pain?

Just wondering as I've not heard much before about kidney stones other than the one word of

[align=center]PAIN!
[/align]

 

[Bo B Bunny]

Ooooooooo I've heard those are miserable!

Glad you're ok tho.

I'd get your mother a turkey baster and a bar of soap and wrap it up for Christmas.

I'm mean like that.

 

[TinysMom]

GoinBackToCali wrote:

Why in the HECK does everybody think I am irregular...

Maybe they're trying to say you're full of...

Nah...never mind...


(Edited to add...you know I'm kidding - right??)

 

[Maureen Las]

Zin,

Sorry that you suffered so much, however
you are a natural storyteller ....
could write for a living

 

[slavetoabunny]

Kidney stones are the worst pain ever. The only thing worse than passing a kidney stone is doing it in a hospital in a third-world country, like my husband did. They didn't even change the sheets in the emergency room in between patients.

I hope you're feeling better. Drink lots of cranberry juice.

 

[TinysMom]

I just wanted to say I hope you're feeling better today...

 

[Becca]

This reminds me of that friends episode when Phoebe is giving birth and Joey has a pain then everyone is saying its sympathy pains and trying to persuade him that it is and he has kidney stones!
Like your mum trying to tell you -you were constipated LOL!

Bless are you feeling better?

:shock: