How do you cope?

[nermal71]

Ok so my oldest is going to be 19y/o. Him and I have always been close (actually I'm close to all 3 of my sons). He's supposed to be starting at an awesome school in may for his bachelors degree in CET (think it means computer electronics technologist but I keep goofing it up which he teases me for). So ok mom has time to get used to this. Then he gets a call yesterday that he may have a job out where school is and be moving sooner (he's going to live with grandma and grandpa while he goes to school so that he saves on room and board, etc.) So now all of a sudden I may be having to deal with him moving....this weekend...and mama birdie is not liking this one bit I'm not letting him see how upset I am, but I know he knows it cause he has always been able to read me like a book. I keep telling myself to buck up it's not like he is going in the military or gonna be states away...just about an hour and fifteen minutes away, but it seems horrible right now. And the real kicker is birdie number 2 turns 18 in June and he too will probably be going away for his education. I am going from 3 birds in the next to 1 in a matter of months and this is one sad mama birdie

 

[Jessyka]

:hug: You can come be my mom!

 

[TinysMom]

I've been in your shoes and it isn't easy. In June 2002, my son left for a summer job and then was possibly going to college (if we could get the financial aid worked out) - so I wasnt' going to see him again until December. When I saw him walk away from us in the airport - I almost lost it - I broke down in tears after he was out of sight and had to just sit and cry.

That following August - we dropped his twin sister off at college in Tennessee while in the middle of a move from Andrews AFB, MD to Altus, OK.

So from June 2002 to September my life changed the following ways:

- went from 2 kids - to empty nest
- went from full time job (hubby) - to retirement and job hunting
- went from 3 bedroom townhouse (military housing) - to a 2 bedroom apartment we could barely afford at first
- went from working part-time as mystery shopper/merchandiser - to working full-time in an office


I'll tell you what kept me sane through all that change...I held onto the good memories we had - I held onto my faith and that God knew what was best - and I held closely to my husband.

We'd had a pretty good marriage - been through some rough times - but that drew us closer together and we became each other's best friends.

It isn't easy and I know its going to be hard whenever you walk by his room, etc.

But this is what you've been training your son for his whole life - for when he leaves home.

You'll BOTH do great.

 

[hartleybun]

my eldest is nearly 17 so have got this to come. he is breaking me in gently by 'having a life' as they put it. he's at college, doing lots of sport and being a modelling guinea pig for his photography mad friend. dont really see much of him!

when he does finally fly the nest i should be able to cope a bit better......should.....ok will probably go to pieces.

i am coping well with this transition phase tho'

you are lucky in that grandparents are able to help with accommodation - at least they will be able to keep an eye on him and set a good example.

edited for spelling...again

 

[missyscove]

Get more rabbits! The summer before my older brother went to college, we got our two buns. Now everytime i call my mom she updates me on what the rabbits are up to.

 

[nermal71]

Unfortunately more animals is not an option. We are struggling to financially care for the ones we have so I will not bring more in. My 16y/o is being great and so is my 17y/o son (although he may be exiting the household too in a few months). Funny thing though the 16y/o is getting his own room (something he has never had) and the two older boys will in essence "share" a room if they are home at the same time....well the youngest is in measuring and picking out paint etc...problem is his brother hasn't fully moved out yet LOL

 

[Bassetluv]

Oh, I think that seeing your child grow up and leave home - whether it's temporary, for school...or for a more permanent change - is one of the hardest things to cope with. I have just the one child (no longer a child, he's 27, almost 28 now :shock:!), and from the time he was born it was just 'him and me against the world'. We're best friends, have always been empathetic and understanding of one another, and have both helped one another through rough moments.

I always knew that Stephen wouldn't be staying in this city once he became old enough to leave, yet even in knowing this, it was still hard. He moved out to go to college around five (six?) years ago now, and the college he got into was 5-1/2 hours away...quite a distance when I don't have a car. When he finished college he immediately got a job there, and has been in that city ever since.

The hardest moment for me was the day my sister and I packed up her car with all of his belongings, and drove Stephen to Toronto to start life as a college student. We got him settled into the room he would be renting off campus, then took him to the local grocery store to buy him some things to get started (and probably stocked his fridge and cupboards with enough food to last him six months). Then we all went out to dinner, went to a hotel for the night, and the next morning, after having breakfast together and sharing some last-minute thoughts, my sister and I said goodbye to my son and we headed back to Ottawa. Saying goodbye that morning was much more difficult than I ever imagined it would be.

We almost made it to the outskirts of the city when my cell phone rang. I answered it, and Stephen was on the other end, asking something...I can't recall now, but I think he was wondering what box one of his books or movies was stored in. In truth, it really was just an excuse for him to talk again for a few minutes, but I know it helped me greatly, because at that moment I realized that even though we were now separated by distance, we never are really separated from one another. I think you will discover this too; watching them go is tough, but they never do *leave* you...and whenever you do get the chance to see one another after an absence, it's just the most awesome feeling.

:hug:

 

[nermal71]

He's coming home tomorrow for at least 5 days or so to try and figure out some last minute details at home here. I will have to take him back out if he gets another job interview (other one didn't pan out). And I had him laughing last night as he was very homesick. HE told me he misses me....I told him I miss him too...after all there is laundry to be done, the dishes are piling up, the floor needs sweeping, the cat box is dirty, the dogs need feeding, there is dusting to be done, there are weeds to be pulled, grass to be cut oh and there is a foot of snow to shovel. He sends me back that he's glad he's at grandma's with a smiley...then another message of "hey!!! I can't pull weeds, cut grass and shovel snow!!!" It's just a running joke between the two of us that he has to do "ALL the chores" which he knows isn't true...so I tease him all the time.