JadeIcing
Well-Known Member
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
>>
>> 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
>> buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if
>> you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're
>> serving rum balls.
>>
>> 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You
>> can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who
>> cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if
>> you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a
>> treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you
>> think. It's Christmas!
>>
>> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point
>> of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano
>> out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
>> Repeat.
>>
>> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim
>> milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like
>> buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
>>
>> 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
>> control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party
>> is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
>>
>> 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
>> Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to
>> do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after
>> circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of
>> food and that vat of eggnog.
>>
>> 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table,
>> like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
>> position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you
>> can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a
>> beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never
>> going to see them again.
>>
>> 8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
>> Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
>> Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one
>> dessert? Labor Day?
>>
>> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
>> mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean,
>> have some standards.
>>
>> 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
>> party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
>> Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the
>> corner. Remember this motto to live by:
>>
>>
>> "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
>> arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but
>> rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly
>> used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
>>
>> 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
>> buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if
>> you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're
>> serving rum balls.
>>
>> 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You
>> can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who
>> cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if
>> you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a
>> treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you
>> think. It's Christmas!
>>
>> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point
>> of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano
>> out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
>> Repeat.
>>
>> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim
>> milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like
>> buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
>>
>> 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
>> control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party
>> is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
>>
>> 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
>> Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to
>> do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after
>> circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of
>> food and that vat of eggnog.
>>
>> 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table,
>> like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
>> position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you
>> can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a
>> beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never
>> going to see them again.
>>
>> 8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
>> Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
>> Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one
>> dessert? Labor Day?
>>
>> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
>> mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean,
>> have some standards.
>>
>> 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
>> party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
>> Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the
>> corner. Remember this motto to live by:
>>
>>
>> "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
>> arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but
>> rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly
>> used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
