Hey From Canada

[MyBabyBunnies]

Well I got the email that this new area was open to people like me so I decided to come check it out and decided I might as well post an update while I am here.

I saw my bunnies 2 weekends ago which was good. They are all doing great. Zoey and Reese were shedding like mad so I gave them all a really good brushing. Reese had her teeth done again and it made me realise how much I need to find another vet, it cost me $320 and I can't afford that every 2 months! If I can't find a cheaper vet, I only have one other option and to me she's still a little piece of Spice so that option is one that sends me into tears every time it crosses my mind. Mocha had his teeth checked as well, they are fine. They all acted like they missed me, even Zoey!

I just talked to my parents tonight and the bunnies are all well still. Reese's appetite has increased again since her teeth were done. She's been feeling really good obviously and binkies and kisses lots. Mocha and Zoey are fine, nothing to report there.

As for me, I am spending my days at work pretending to look busy because I have no work to do. I've been here for nearly 2 months and still have no had the one meeting I need to get started on my project. By the time I get started, it will be time for me to leave! I've been helping my boss by doing research to help him make training courses and that was pretty good, I learned a lot that way but I am the type of person that needs a lot of variety and challenge or I get bored very fast and lose interest so after 3 weeks of researching, I am bored to death of it!

To go from having not enough time in a day to not knowing what to do with myself is strange and I find it frustrating. At home I was always busy with school or my animals, and the couple of spare hours I had would be spent catching aTV show but with the writers strike, I can't even do that! But the people are nice. I guess I could spend more time on here, but for some reason I seem to spend less time on here.

I have given my website a whole new look. But I'm not done yet, but I am happy with the new look! I really like the simple look to it.

Anyways, that is all I have to say for now. Hope everyone is well.

 

[Bo B Bunny]

:hugsquish:It's good to see you MBB!

I have to say that when I saw the Spice photos - it made me sad. I have a couple of him that I saved cause I really loved him....... and when I see them my heart hurts!

I'm glad you're doing ok and that you've been able to see the bunners tho

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

It still hurts me to see his pictures too. I was crying the entire time I made his page. For months (with the exception of the first week or 2 afterwards)I put off allowing myself to think about him/cope because I just needed to get through the semester. So now that I don't have studying to worry about, I've started to really realise how hard this has been on me and the thought still brings me to tears.

The hardest part is no one understands, I originally had comments from people not understanding why I missed class because my rabbit died or not understanding why I didn't do as good as I could have on my midterms. Now I still have people tell me to 'get over it' and none of them really understand how much Spice meant to me so I've gotten to the point that I just avoid thinking about him when I think I may break down or talking to anyone about him.

It's tough, but I've lost other animals, none that I was this close to but I will be okay. It will just take time and it helps having Mocha and Reese because to me they are both a little piece of Spice. But every time I go home, I realise Spice isn't waiting there to greet me with the others and that is hard. I keep thinking it's like any vacation where I may not be with them but they will all be there when I get home.

 

[tundrakatiebean]

:hug:some people are just oblivious and it's really their loss that they don't get to feel the awesome love of a pet. I'm glad to see you're still hanging in there.

 

[TinysMom]

MyBabyBunnies wrote:

The hardest part is no one understands, I originally had comments from people not understanding why I missed class because my rabbit died or not understanding why I didn't do as good as I could have on my midterms. Now I still have people tell me to 'get over it' and none of them really understand how much Spice meant to me so I've gotten to the point that I just avoid thinking about him when I think I may break down or talking to anyone about him.

I'm not sure we can ever really "get over" losing any bun - but especially a heart bun. They take a piece of our heart with them....and we're just never quite the same.

Peg

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

I feel for my animals more than most people do. It's just how I am. I've always found more comfort in animals than I did with people. Animals are honest, loving, and forgiving which is more than I can say about a lot of people. I can't figure out people, but animals are right up my alley.

I have lost people and animals before and I have always handled it a lot better than losing Spice. Most likely it was because I had known it was coming for some time and it was almost a relief to know they were finally at peace and because I felt like I had to be other's strength.

And I have never been present when I lost someone, so I was able to remove myself from that part of the pain but Spice died in my arms and that is something I will never forget. Half of me is gladI was there for him and he died knowing I loved him and he wasn't alone and half of me hates that he had to suffer to the end and that I wasn't able to put him out of his misery sooner. More than anything I think this is what makes it so much harder to deal with this time.

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

TinysMom wrote:

I'm not sure we can ever really "get over" losing any bun - but especially a heart bun. They take a piece of our heart with them....and we're just never quite the same.

Peg

Peg, I know that you understand exactlywhat I am going through. I am so sorry for your loss as well. Even after Spice's loss, I still am clueless as to what to say to people who lose their bunnies so I tend to not reply.

And 'get over' is more just a term I am used to hearing. I know you never really get over it, there will always be a hole but with time the pain subsides a little or you just learn to live with it but right now I am an emotional wreck when I think about him.

 

[aurora369]

It's coming up on a year that Wildfire died in my arms. Her passing was sudden and unexpected as well.

I totally understand how you are feeling. Sometimes I look at my boys, and ache because they don't have their "mommy" to look after them anymore. She was my true heart bunny, and she was ripped from me way too soon.

I was lucky in that I had just finished school when she passed, so at least I didn't have to worry about that. But I did feel uncomfortable going to work the next day with red puffy eyes from crying all night.

Hang in there, the pain does become managable. I won't say it ever subsides, but you learn to manage it, and to focus on the things that bring you pleasure (like your other bunnies).

--Dawn

 

[JadeIcing]

You don't just get over it. I am counting down the days till it is a year we lost Sam. I am dreading that day. I miss her more each day. Yea I am not crying as much anymore. The closer it gets I am starting again.

The loss of Tiny was a hard blow. He was a link to Sam. I know may not make sense to many but Peg and I talked so much about them and joked how they would be perfect together. Than I lost her and watching him was a comforting feeling. Losing him was like losing her again.

Your right knowing someone is going to die you prepare. I lost alot of pets in my life. Thing is I was never there. I had such luck but Sam was in my arms and I knew I was losing her. I felt like my heart was breaking because someone I loved was leaving and I could not help. I was failing her.

I am crying right now I miss her so much.

 

[Leaf]

MBB, his page is stunning. What a wonderful job!

((hugs))

 

[MyBabyBunnies]

JadeIcing wrote:

I had such luck but Sam was in my arms and I knew I was losing her. I felt like my heart was breaking because someone I loved was leaving and I could not help. I was failing her.

That's exactly it. I started crying just reading that because that is exactly how it felt/feels. The only thing that isn't is that I think I'd have hated myself more if he had died without me being there.

The one thing I still regret to this day is that I could have been home 4 hours earlier and it might have been enough to save him. I know those what if's are horrible but I know that if I could have gotten home, I could have at least got fluids into him or put him out of his misery a little sooner. I feel horrible that I ignored his symptoms because I was so busy preparing for interviews and midterms and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that.

 

[TinysMom]

MyBabyBunnies wrote:

JadeIcing wrote:

I had such luck but Sam was in my arms and I knew I was losing her. I felt like my heart was breaking because someone I loved was leaving and I could not help. I was failing her.

That's exactly it. I started crying just reading that because that is exactly how it felt/feels. The only thing that isn't is that I think I'd have hated myself more if he had died without me being there.

The one thing I still regret to this day is that I could have been home 4 hours earlier and it might have been enough to save him. I know those what if's are horrible but I know that if I could have gotten home, I could have at least got fluids into him or put him out of his misery a little sooner. I feel horrible that I ignored his symptoms because I was so busy preparing for interviews and midterms and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that.

I think Randy would be ok with me sharing this - it really gave me comfort. When he lost Miracle last week - I Pm'd him to see if he was ok. I mean - he teared up over the phone about Tiny dying .... and I know he's tough - but sensitive too.

Here is part of his response to me...

I always look for positives in something like this. Couple of things here. First, I think we gave her a good life for a couple of years when she should never have been here in the first place. And also a message to everyone that beats themselves up when they lose one. These things happen and it makes no difference how much you know medically about treating problems....the "Black Rabbit" always wins in the end.

I think that there are times when...no matter what we do...the black rabbit wins. We can prolong death a bit. But sometimes we just can't beat it - and a matter of a few hours might make a difference sometimes - and not make a difference other times.

You can beat yourself up over this and wonder about it (just like I do with Tiny's passing) - but honestly - only hindsight is really 20/20. In situations like this - we can't know if it would have made a difference. What if it would've prolonged his life - but he would've been in pain?

The one positive thing about Tiny's passing for me - is I had almost 48 hours to come to terms with the fact he might die. I felt so bad for Ali - she had ... minutes? maybe an hour?

I'm so sorry for your pain and your hurt....and Dawn - I'm so sorry for your anniversary that is coming up. I remember my shock when I heard about Wildfire passing....

I know words don't help....and I can't be there to give a hug. But know that if I could be there to give a hug - I would.

And Ali - I think about Sam so often. I'm about to write the last installments of Tiny's time in heaven before Zeus joins us - and him watching Zeus join us. The last part of the last story is going to have him turn away to go binky with that pretty bunny he always admired....'cause it wasn't his job anymore to look after mama....it was Zeus'. I think she's gonna nudge him so they will go play....

Even though I knew they'd never meet....I always dreamed of them meeting and taking pictures of them together. He was so gentle....I just knew he'd help her learn to love y'all even more and be affectionate.

Peg

 

[JadeIcing]

TinysMom wrote:

MyBabyBunnies wrote:

JadeIcing wrote:

I had such luck but Sam was in my arms and I knew I was losing her. I felt like my heart was breaking because someone I loved was leaving and I could not help. I was failing her.

That's exactly it. I started crying just reading that because that is exactly how it felt/feels. The only thing that isn't is that I think I'd have hated myself more if he had died without me being there.

Yea if we hadn't heard the bars rattling or the dog acting funny she would have been alone. I would hate for someone here to go and us not be with them. Sam had me, Rob and are vet who cared so much about her.

The one thing I still regret to this day is that I could have been home 4 hours earlier and it might have been enough to save him. I know those what if's are horrible but I know that if I could have gotten home, I could have at least got fluids into him or put him out of his misery a little sooner. I feel horrible that I ignored his symptoms because I was so busy preparing for interviews and midterms and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that.

You were there and that is what matters. I spent the day before with her for awhile. I got those last pictures of her. She nipped me one last time. She also let me put my head next to hers and pet her for alittle. Even though I spent that time with her, I regret not taking her out that day and spending it with her. Why didn't I when the day before I had such a strong need to take her pictures.

I think Randy would be ok with me sharing this - it really gave me comfort. When he lost Miracle last week - I Pm'd him to see if he was ok. I mean - he teared up over the phone about Tiny dying .... and I know he's tough - but sensitive too.

Here is part of his response to me...

I always look for positives in something like this. Couple of things here. First, I think we gave her a good life for a couple of years when she should never have been here in the first place. And also a message to everyone that beats themselves up when they lose one. These things happen and it makes no difference how much you know medically about treating problems....the "Black Rabbit" always wins in the end.

I think that there are times when...no matter what we do...the black rabbit wins. We can prolong death a bit. But sometimes we just can't beat it - and a matter of a few hours might make a difference sometimes - and not make a difference other times.

I understand this so much. I have always said if it is your time to go there is no changing it. You could get hit by a bus crossing the street or fall off your bed the wrong way. It's just your time.

And Ali - I think about Sam so often. I'm about to write the last installments of Tiny's time in heaven before Zeus joins us - and him watching Zeus join us. The last part of the last story is going to have him turn away to go binky with that pretty bunny he always admired....'cause it wasn't his job anymore to look after mama....it was Zeus'. I think she's gonna nudge him so they will go play....

Even though I knew they'd never meet....I always dreamed of them meeting and taking pictures of them together. He was so gentle....I just knew he'd help her learn to love y'all even more and be affectionate.

Peg

I think that will be so sweet Peg. I read his first day in heaven to my mom. When I got to the part about Sam I was so choked up I had to stop for a few minutes. My mom also cried. My mom had Sam for a week when I went on my honeymoon. My mom said her problem was she thought she was above us all. She was. She was something else.

I thank god that I had certain people during that time. I don't know how I would have made it through with out Amanda(binkies), Rosie, Peg, or Michelle. God you guys were a rock.