Having a hard time

[kirbyultra]

Hi everyone

Not sure where to go or who to talk to but I feel like there are a lot of kindred spirits here who love animals and their bunnies, maybe you can relate. In the last couple of days I've been having a hard time falling asleep. When I do fall asleep all I have are nightmares of things I've done by accident to hurt my rabbits. When I lay awake all I can think of is what I would do if anything happened to my Kirby and Toby. Kirby especially. He came into my life and saved me -- I think I rely on his existence to give me life's little joys. I've just been having crazy thoughts of what I would do if anything happened to him.

I don't know, I feel silly even typing this. I know if I told anyone else even my best friend, she wouldn't understand. She doesn't have any pets. I think a lot of people would think I'm nuts or not putting the right value on the things in my life. But this is how I feel. Kirby is so important. I get livid when Toby rages at Kirby even. I know it's not his fault, he's just working out his hormones (he was neutered a couple weeks ago).

I don't know what to do...

 

[Flashy]

Has anything happened recently to fear you losing them or something happening to them?

Have you had a scare with them? Or lost someone else in your life?

I'm inclined to think this fear is triggered by something and maybe dealing with that something might help ease how you feel right now.

 

[kirbyultra]

No event in particular has happened that I can associate with this feeling... It just seems like no matter what I do or whatever situation I'm in I find a way to think of ways it might harm them. It was unusually warm and humid in NY this weekend and I was freaking out about remembering to turn on the AC. Kirby's been shedding a lot and I am watching his litter box like a hawk. Toby has been let out to explore the living room and I've been watching him like a hawk. Kirby has been scratching his ears but the vet has said it's nothing after checking, and Kirby is probably annoyed at his loose fur floating around. I have always been anxious about their health and questioning whether I have done all that I can to make them happy. I am a vey forgetful person and I fault myself for a lot of silly things I've messed up because of my errors. BuT if my own forgetfulness causes my buns discomfort then I couldn't live with myself. I have forgotten the AC before and it has hit 86 degrees by the window and 80 degrees internal to the apartment. I did wake up late for work last week once and in my rush to get out I told m husband to feed them but I washed Kirbys water crock and forgot to actually give it back to him, but he had his greens and AC to get by the day.

I don't know. Am I losing it or do I deserve to be questioning myself on these things to make sure I remember that I need to think about how things that I do and don't do affect them?

 

[Flashy]

You're not losing it, but you also don't deserve to be questioning this.

We are all human and we all make mistakes and slip ups, like you did with the water. I've done that and I bet others have too.

Do you have anxiety in other areas of your life or is it focused solely on them?

It looks like you are almost obsessing over things over which you have no control and the over analysing, or obsessing, is causing the anxiety.

Maybe you need to start trying to reassure yourself that even though X might happen its very unlikely because.... or if Y happens I will do R, S, T and that will do sort that out. Its about changing your thought patterns to try and make your anxiety more manageable.

 

[kirbyultra]

Work is getting unbearable these days and it always accounts for half if not more of my day to day anxiety but I think I've leanred to live with it Only because I let go of a lot of things there. I've learned that it is just a job and it's probably not going to be the lifelong job I thought it'd be when I started out of college. It certainly does not help but I wouldn't say I attributed any more or less than usual.

The buns are like my kids... I don't know, just reading what you wrote, Tracy, I was in tears and I am at work trying to pull myself together. I am a mess.

I need to find a way to not fault myself for so many things... I am just having suh a hard time with confidence.

Sorry for typos. Trying to type quickly at work on my iPhone

 

[Amy27]

I understand what you are going through. I have anxiety and I have a lot of the same feelings. I don't really allow myself to think about losing my animals. If that pops into my mind I force myself to think of something else. Obviously, you can't do that with dreams though.

I am also huge on routines. I would always leave the house and get down the road and be afraid I forgot to lock Little Bunny's cage or left something on and the house would burn down. I do almost everything in the same exact order in the mornings now. It really helps me to feel better. I also stop and make a mental check of things. If I don't pay attention that I have checked something, I can't remember really checking it. I do so many things automatically that I really don't remember doing them or not doing them.

I also make sure the rabbits have lots of hay. So I don't have to worry about that. Chase has 3 water bowls, 2 water bottles and a cat water dish. Little Bunny has 2 water bowls and 3 water bottles. So I know they always have water. With my fear that I had left the Little Bunny out. I was afraid she would get in with Chase and they would fight. So I made it so even if I did leaver her or Chase out. It is nearly impossible they could get to each other.

I know I am not normal. I am okay with that. I just find ways to make my life easier. Have those checks makes my life easier because I worry about things less. If you ever need to talk my PM box is always open. It has taken me years to find a way to make my life less worry some so if you need some suggestions on somethings you can do, let me know.

 

[kirbyultra]

Amy27 wrote:

I am also huge on routines. I would always leave the house and get down the road and be afraid I forgot to lock Little Bunny's cage or left something on and the house would burn down. I do almost everything in the same exact order in the mornings now. It really helps me to feel better. I also stop and make a mental check of things. If I don't pay attention that I have checked something, I can't remember really checking it. I do so many things automatically that I really don't remember doing them or not doing them.

I also make sure the rabbits have lots of hay. So I don't have to worry about that. Chase has 3 water bowls, 2 water bottles and a cat water dish. Little Bunny has 2 water bowls and 3 water bottles. So I know they always have water. With my fear that I had left the Little Bunny out. I was afraid she would get in with Chase and they would fight. So I made it so even if I did leaver her or Chase out. It is nearly impossible they could get to each other.

Thanks so much for sharing, Amy. Safeguarding my mistakes was a big reason I went on a big bunny proofing spree 2 weeks ago. I have left Toby's cage door open and gone to work before too, and once when I went out for dinner. Luckily nothing happened but I felt so guilty when I thought of what might happen if he bit on the wrong thing, since the rabbit room is the same as the computer room. It is all bunny proof now.

I have a checklist posted on my door so I see it on my way out. But I just feel like I might just rush out and forget, like last week when I was late for work. I'm not really routine-based in terms of my thought process.I think I feel like if I don't constantly worry and think about it that I won't remember all the details of what I need to do. I have the attention span of a goldfish. I literally am the type to be doing something, think of something I need to accomplish this thing, turn around and forget what it was that I needed to do or why I even turned around. I've been this scatter brained all my life. I'm so afraid it will take a toll on my rabbits.

Last night's dream was that I was cooking something and for some reason I went out and I forgot to turn off the stove. One timeI was out for a walk and saw Kirby on the street running away, and suddenly a big, sharp toothed dog chomped down on his neck and carried him away. They are really vivid and terirble dreams. I don't know what to do to stop them. :cry1:

 

[Amy27]

One time I closed one bun cage door but didn't latch it. When the other rabbit was out. So of course the other bunny got out and they don't get along that great. We are working on bonding. But Little Bunny went and hide until I noticed and saved her. For days I kept thinking about what could have happened. I felt sick over it. I could go on about the things I have done that I have felt sick over. But I know I am not perfect and I am going to make mistakes. I just do my best to try and prevent them.

For me, since I do everything the same way everyday. When I leave the house and think OMG I don't remember doing this. I have to reassure myself, I do it that way every morning. I would have noticed if I skipped a step because I always do it the same and it makes me feel better. If I don't do that, I have to check every 2-3 times before I leave. I never thought this strick routine would work for me. I was always late for work before due to triple checking everything. But after a month of the routine I started feeling so much better and started to trust my routine was woking and I can get out of the house so much quicker now.

People have also suggested to me to have a check list. Print a ton of the lists off on the computer. Check everything off the list as you do it and when you leave the house take the list. When you start to worry, look at the list and see if that is checked off. I never did that because it seemed to time consuming. But I thought it was a great idea. Someone also suggested I take pictures with my cell phone. So I could look at that if I thought I forget to lock the cage but that was waaaay to time consuming. The routine for me has been a life saver. If I change things around and do one thing different, I have to check everything a million times before leaving.

I know you said you worry you won't remember the details or will forget but if you do it the same everyday, you won't have to think about it. After sometime of doing it, I don't think you will forget, it will just be habit. When you first start the routine you could still forget but the more you do the routine, the less chance of you forgeting a step.

I had a lot of people give me suggestions and I think that something different works for different people. I would try a lot of different things. I would give them time to work though. I don't think trying something for a week will really help your anxiety. I think you have to try it for a longer period of time to make yourself feel comfortable that it is working and you will start to feel better and learn to trust your routine. My thought process is not routine either but I made my actions routine. In the morning now I don't even think about what I have to do. It isn't so much my thought process but the routine of the action.

I really do think it sounds like you could have anxiety. I am not a doctor but a lot of things you describe, describe me to a T. It took me years to find ways to handle it. I use to take Xanax several times a day. I can now sometimes go 3 months without taking it and other times I may take it 2 times a month. But really working on ways to reduce what is causing the anxiety will really help.

The dreams are hard because there is no way you can really control them. I know I have stressful dreams when I am really stressed out in day to day life. Do you think that could be part of the problem? I know you said work is hard lately. Have the dreams become worse since work has become more stressful? I can't imagine how stressful those dreams must be. Have you tried doing relaxing things before going to sleep to see if that helps. Reading really helps me relax and destress.

This is different per person but if I am unhappy in life or living a life filled with anxiety and awful sleep. I am all for taking something to make me feel better. I would go see a doctor and see if he can suggest somethings that may help. I know counselors also have a lot of techniques that may help you also. Even if it was for a short period of time to give you some good sleep. Not sleeping well has got to make the stress during the day 100 times worse. Waking up to pictures in your head of your bunny being attacked by a dog would have me anxious and stress all day.

Everyone here makes mistakes with their buns. We just aren't perfect people, we try our best though. Look at your past experience with your buns. You are obviously doing things right. They are still here, happy and healthy.

If I was in your position I would go to the doctors. I would also write down everything that stresses you on a regular basis and causes the most stress. Such as being afraid you will leave the stove on or leaving a cage open. Hopefully we can come up with a lot of good suggestion to make sure those things won't happen. Like maybe putting a timer on things you are afraid to leave on so it would automatically turn off if you forgot to turn it off.

It sounds like bunny proofing your house was a great start. Since you bunny proofed the room, did that make you feel better? I know sometimes it takes me a little while to feel better about a change like that. It is like I have to learn to trust it, that it will work and after several times of it working. I start to trust it is working and the anxiety about that goes way down.

Sorry I wrote a book. lol But I know how you feel and it isn't a good feeling or a fun way to live always worrying. If there is anything I can to help you I will. I have been to lots of doctors and have received a ton of suggestions.

Good luck.

 

[BethM]

Helen and Amy, I'm right there with you. I have a lot of the same fears/anxieties.
I often have to get up from bed, to check that I latched all the rabbit cages securely, and that the doors of the house are locked. I have been late for work a few times because I have to go back to make sure I locked the door, and then sometimes I have to check a third time, because maybe when I checked the doorknob, I didn't turn it far enough......

Many of my anxieties are about my bunnies, too. I think part of my worries are based on the fact that I didn't have any pets for a long time before Nick and Amelia came to us, so I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to take care of them. I have a lot of fears right now that I haven't set up the house in the way that is best for the bunnies.

It seems like I have had more anxiety issues since getting bunnies, but there are other factors, too, so I guess I can't really say that.

For me, my anxieties are much worse when I am short on sleep. That really affects me, my anxieties go up and my impulse control goes way down. Then I have nightmares, especially about Nick, so my sleep is affected even further. (I have had dreams about Nick being eaten by a snake, and then recently my husband mentioned he'd seen a snake in the yard, so of course I've been tense about that lately. I know it's just a garter snake, but it doesn't make me feel any better.)

I have left Nick and Amelia's cage open overnight. They didn't go all the way in, so I left the gate cracked and went to brush my teeth. Forgot to go back to them, and I woke up to Nick doing Bunny 500's through the apartment. I was really lucky that Amelia didn't get into something that could have injured her.

I think this is a little dis-jointed, because I need to get to bed.
Amy, I might try they checklist. I already try to have a routine, but sometimes I have to deviate from it, and then I have issues.

 

[Amy27]

Ok I have a question for you guys. When you go back to check something. Is it like it is suppose to be 99.9% of the time? That drives me crazy, I am always checking things and I really did turn it off or latch it. There was no reason at all to check it.

Beth, I think trying the check list is great if you can do it. I just didn't think I would actually check things off as I did them. For me the hardest part is in the morning before work because if I check everything 3 times I will be late so I feel kind of rushed and then worry I missed something. So my really strick routine is only in the morning on work days. If I feel rushed in leaving, it makes the anxiety 100 times worse.

We have the anxiety over our bunny's because we love them so much and would never want anything bad to happen to them. I think it is normal when you have anxiety, that it gets worse when you have animals that can't care for themselves.

I had a fire in my condo 3 years ago and that has made my anxiety about leaving stuff on and the house burning down much worse. It was my neighbors condo that caught on fire and I was so lucky that my ex boyfriend was here and got all of the animals out of the house.

 

[BethM]

For me, when I go back to check something, I almost always did it right the first time.

My personal on-going anxiety is about kitchen cleanliness. I am incredibly paranoid that I will do something wrong in the kitchen that will impact the bunnies. When washing veggies, I compost anything that touches the sink or counter, even if I know the counter is clean. I get really anxious about handling raw meat, and I always wear disposable gloves. I usually end up cleaning the counter several times, even if I know the meat didn't touch the counter. (I trimmed steak last night, and was so worried about it that I ended up putting a dish towel on the counter this morning when serving up breakfast salads. Even though the only thing that touches the counter is the bottom of the bowl, and I cleaned the counter twice last night.) I wash my hands obsessively after doing anything with the coffee pot, or if I'm drinking wine. I never worried about any of these things before the bunnies came to stay.

I used to be super-worried about making sure the stove was off, I had to check it once, and sometimes twice, before I could leave the apartment. The stove was really cheap, and the knobs would turn on just by brushing against them; the igniter on it was such that the gas would turn on before you got to the ignitor.
The stove in the house is much better. The knobs are heavier, and won't turn without trying. The igniter is right at the start of the turn, so I would have to try to get the gas on without it lighting.
I am much more comfortable about the stove now.

I have automatic lights over my tortoise tank, and I secured those lights on like nobody's business, since I was completely paranoid that they would somehow fall when they were on, and set the mulch in the tank on fire, and burn the whole place down. I had to run them on a "test" basis, weekends only, for a few weeks before I was comfortable leaving them on all the time. It makes me crazy, because I know many people would just plug the lights in, set the timer, and be done with it, and never have a problem. But I just can't do that.

My morning routine problems usually come when I have to change my schedule, like work overtime. Then I have to get up an hour earlier, and I have to do all the rabbit stuff because I won't be home to remind Jason to do it before he leaves. (He usually does hay and water.) He's pretty good about it, but there are days that he forgets.
Or if Jason has to get up early, then I have to get up earlier so I can get all the morning stuff done, and re-arrange the order so we won't be in the kitchen at the same time.