JadeIcing
Well-Known Member
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height.
Dear Dogs, Cats and Rabbits:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack, nor is the
area behind the couch. Beating me to the bottom of the steps is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help either because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs, cats and bunnies can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
claw, whine, scratch, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine, feline or lapine
attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other critter's butt or eat
your fecal pellets. The bunny poop or cat litter box is not a snack for the
dog. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That's why they call it "fur"niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: My pets are better than your kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. It's perfectly legal to ensure that they never reproduce!
Dear Dogs, Cats and Rabbits:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack, nor is the
area behind the couch. Beating me to the bottom of the steps is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help either because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs, cats and bunnies can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
claw, whine, scratch, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the
edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine, feline or lapine
attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other critter's butt or eat
your fecal pellets. The bunny poop or cat litter box is not a snack for the
dog. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That's why they call it "fur"niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: My pets are better than your kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. It's perfectly legal to ensure that they never reproduce!
