Friend/decission issues... Please help me...

[ThatsMySimi]

Well, I have an issue with friends, and have had it for a while... I wont get into it, but I had 2 friends that were going out, and one had always treated me bad, but when she staredahanging outwith my best guy friend I couldn't take it anymore, so I told her I couldn't be friends with her anymore (after 14 years)... Now when I did this my bestfriend said he'd always be there for me no matter what cause he'd rather have me as a friend then her as a girl friend... Now he is mad at me, and won't talk to me about it, and she hates me, but we are where we can talk to each other, and if she needed me I'd be there in the snap of a finger... Well, I really really don't want to loose him... He means the worls to me and my life with out him is all stress and no fun or happy.... So, I have the options to: a) Mend all bridges with his girlfriend, and be friends again even though she does a lotof things I dont agree with(shes only 15).... or b) I could just sit back and watch as I slowly and painfuly loose him...

I don't know what to do and it makes me so upset. I always have a plan, but this has hurt me to the point where I can not think of a way to fix it. Them hurting me like this has made it hard for me to trust anyone, and has weakend some of my other friendships...

So, what would you do? Cause yourself pain by being friends with her again so I would still have him inyour life, or cause yourself pain by slowly watch while you loose him?

Thanks for reading...

Shay



ETA: I thought I'd list you what I think are the pros and cons of each decission... I am in tears here, and really stressing out (not eating right, headaches all the time etc.) So, heres being friends with her again and keeping him...
Pros:
Having him back.
Being able to be normal around her again
Having her back (I do want her back, even though she treated me bad)..
Everything being kinda normal again.
Having the 2 people I love back in my life.
Being able to help her down the raod if she needs it.

Cons:
THe pain of watching her do things I dont agree with
Being friends with her again (I may want her back, but she DID treat me really bad - for a long time)
Knowing I had to be friends with her again to get him in my life again.
Helping her with her problems.

Here is not being friends with her and loosing him:
Pros:
I wouldn't have to deal with all her crapagain.
I could try to get closer to my other friends.

Cons:
I'd loose him, and it would hurt me bad.
I wouldn't have everything normal in my life again.
She'd have him to hold over me.
I wouldn't be able to hlep him if he needed me.
I wouldn't be able to help her if she needed me.

So, as you can see I am in quite the situation... And I need all the help I can get. I dont want to loose him, and I dont want to get her back, but I want to have him, and to have her back so it will all be normal... I so dont know what to do... PLEASE HELP ME DECIDE! PLEASE!

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

I'm sorry Shay. I don't know what I'd do, I mean, I surely wouldn't want to lose him as a friend. I have a male friend that I have had for literally 13 years and when he married his wife, he told her to never interfere with any of his friend's relationships, meaning with me or any other girl, as he had quite a few. Well, he is now divorced and we are still friends and we always were. I guess I think it's kinda crappy that he won't stay friends with you because of his "girlfriend". That won't last forever anyway, then he'll need a shoulder and you'll be there. The hard part is the part from now til then though. Believe me, I know it's hard. I hope it all works out for you. If you don't feel comfortable being friends with this girl, then don't. It will all work out in the end, and hopefully he'll understand and be grateful you stood your ground so to speak.

Hugs

Crystal

 

[ThatsMySimi]

Thanks. I kinda do want to be friends with her and thats whats messing me up... She was my friend for 14 years, and even if she treated me bad - we did have some REALLY fun times.

I am so stressed... I am going to call her tomorrow (for the first time if FOREVER) to talk to her about everything...



Arrrrggh.

 

[AngelnSnuffy]

Good Luck! Just don't do anything you are not comfortable with, being friends with her, she should also apologize to you if she hurt you, period. I hope she does.

 

[ThatsMySimi]

The thing is, she is alway really good about that stuff if I talk to her like shes not 2(I tend to do that because she makes DUMB qdecissoins - and I know that has hurt our friendship...)

And she has said she was sorry for hurting me and for treating me bad...



I dunno, I need to sleep...

I'll come back tomorrow sometime.

 

[ThatsMySimi]

Well, she asked me to call her last night and I did... He was there, and we all talked... She was upset and crying, and saying "I want us to be friends again, Shay" and he was saying "Yeah, I want us all to be friends again". So, I am sorta leaning towards friends again....



But heres what I am thinking... I'll be "best friends" with her physicaly (hanging out with her, going places with her all that fun stuff) but not emotionaly... She wont be the friend I tell everything to, and neather will he because when I lost them I mived on and found a better person to tell every thing to.... So, I guess I am gonna be friends with her again....



Thanks for the help

 

[girlzilla]

i really feel for you shay, that's a pretty complicated situation to be in. i will give you my honest opinion - if this guy is such a wonderful friend then he would (or should)respect your decision for ending the friendship with his girlfriend. if he was mature about it, he would allow you and his girlfriend to work through your issues and not get involved. the issues are between you and her, not you and him. it sounds to me like she's possibly said some things about you and has been influencing him. but whatever the reason for his poor treatment of you, it's not fair and you are quite within your rights to think of both of their behaviour as unacceptable. shay, do you really want people like them in your life? true friends are supposed to make you happy, not make you feel unhappy. as harsh as this sounds, i think you're better off without either of them. they both sound like they need to grow up. i think you should get out there and find some friends who make you feel happy and positive

it's taken me many years to develop a strong sense of self love and self respect but now i truly respect and love who i am and because of this, i have friends who also respect and love me.

whether it's friends, lovers, neighbours, whoever, you should never let anybody make you feel bad about yourself or treat you with disrespect. i hope i haven't said anything that offends you, i just really think that you aren't being treated very well and you would be much healthier and happier without these people.

peace out

 

[Bunnicula]

Shay,

I am with girlzilla on this one. Why would you want to "pretend" to be friends with her and hang out with her just to have him in your life? Friends ARE people you can tell anything to...people you can be real with...people who love you and want you in their lives no matter what. Real friends don't play games with your emotions, and when they do say or do something that could be hurtful they will do whatever they can to make it right.

Now this doesn't mean you can never talk to them or have to be nasty. It's just that I can't see the point of investing your time and energy into relationships where the other person doesn't do the same. You only get so many hours in a day. Why not spend them with people who build you up? You may experience pain if you don't keep a close friendship with him...but, trust me, you'll be better off in the end.

Gary and I used to spend time with one of my coworker's and his wife...and we really enjoyed their company. After quite a few years, he (my coworker) became quite nasty over some things on the job. He was like this with many people at work, but I felt especially hurt because I didn't expect a friend to speak to me or treat me the way he did. I discovered that the person who I thought was a great friend was really a selfish person who only treated me as a friend whenI supported him or helped him with his work projects. Of course, I felt the need to stop inviting them over or do things with them, and Gary supported me. The worst part was that I had become very, very close with my coworker's wife. She WAS the kind of person I could share anything with. But she was the other half of him, and I was totally uncomfortable with just going out with her...I felt we'd end up in a conversation about her husband...and I didn't want to say anything bad about him to her. At first the whole situation was painful and awkward (I still work with him). But things got better. He and I have a fine, professional working relationship. And I have grown stronger as a person because I am now able to tell him right away how I feel if he says something that offends me.

I tell you this long story, Shay, to let you know that even as adults there are times when we need to decide how much effort we want to put into a relationship. I could have continued "pretending" that my coworker didn't hurt me...but it wasn't worth it. The time that we used to spend with that couple is now timewe have for other relationships. I will be kind and caring to anyone...but the people I want as real friends are people who will treat me with respect and value. I think you deserve the same.

Whatever you decide, I hope things work out well for you.

-Mary Ellen

 

[ThatsMySimi]

Well, I did tell her I'd be friends again, but as soon as I did it I felt it wasn't the right choice... She was ready to jump back into going out together and hanging out together, and I was ready to jump into hanging out with my OTHER FIRENDS, NOT her.... I told her I couldn't come over because in the 62 days we hadn't been friends I had changed! And I have. I have friends I can be myself around, who love me as me! With her I feel the need to act like a total pain to all my real friends.

I am thinking a call will be made to her place telling her I rushed into it too soon, and that I don't need Travis so I am not going to be firends with her again....

 

[Bunnicula]

ThatsMySimi wrote:

I am thinking a call will be made to her place telling her I rushed into it too soon, and that I don't need Travis so I am not going to be firends with her again....

Maybe you don't want to cut off ALL ties with her and Travis. Just let them know that though you want to get along with them you might rather spend time with some other people.

I'm glad that you have some other friends who treat you with more respect. I will be thinking of you and hope that things work out so you can still have a pleasant relationship with this girl and Travis without getting hurt so badly again.

-Mary Ellen