First day was kinda awful...

[littl3red]

Today was my first day of senior year, and it left me with a sick stomach.

The biggest thing was... it'll be hard to explain. A while back, I did something I'm very ashamed of. I don't want to say what it is... But everyone in the school knows about it. I've been bullied endlessly because of it, and that along with other things had turned me to cutting, and I had to go to therapy for depression. I had gotten better, but today, at a school assembly, a TEACHER, who really doesn't like me, alluded to it in front of the whole school. And the whole school got it. All that shame and embarrassment and hatred for my peers came rushing back to me... I don't have my pocket knife anymore, but if I did I would be cutting right now. I guess I'm just venting here instead. I really wish I could take it all back, but I can't. The next best thing would be if everyone forgot about it and moved on, but they won't. I just don't know what to do... I told my mom before school started this year that I wanted to enroll in online school but she didn't take me seriously, no matter how many times I said it. So I'm stuck here...

 

[caustin4]

I know it's difficult to believe now, but it WILL end and you WILL move on to bigger and better things. I remember at one point during my senior year of hs my dad said (as he did many times throughout hs) "these are the best years of your life" and my reply back to him at the time was that if these are really the best years then why do I bother being alive because these years are horrible. Turns out, now I look back and see what he was saying. Not because I was happy all the time, not because it really was the best time of my life, but because I got past it and as time goes on the bad memories fade and all that's left is the good stuff. Somehow the human mind ends up mostly remembering the good parts and not the bad.

I don't know what you are ashamed of, and I cannot imagine how you feel, but don't let anything or anyone get to you! People are jerks. I just spend times with my pets instead! I know cutting can seem like an answer, but it's not believe me. Cherish what you have and know that the bad stuff will end, fade away, and you will be better because of it. I know it's always tough to hear that in the pit of despair, but just live one day at a timeand try to ignore it, as difficult as that can be. I'm here if you wanna talk and vent and you can always pm me. Even if I don't know exactly what you're going through, you'd be surprised at how much it helps to talk to someone who understands and can relate to similar situations.

 

[agnesthelion]

Sorry you are going through this Ashtin. I was bullied too in high school. I also did something I was ashamed of and my so called "friend" pretty much got everyone to turn their backs on me. It was horrible. I'm almost 35 and I still remember how it felt.

However, with that being said, what you are going through now seems like it is the whole world. And these people are your whole world. But high school is only a very small percentage of your life. In a few years, it won't matter. Believe me, I promise. Don't let them set the pace for the rest of your life. I went on to be very successful, I have a wonderful husband, many friends and GREAT life . And you will too! If you rise above this.

Don't crawl inside yourself with cutting or negative thoughts. THOSE are the things that can effect you for the rest of your life. Not these people. Not one mistake that you made as a teenager.

I disagree that high school is the best time of your life. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school!! The best of your life is yet to come. What IS good about this time of your life is your youth and the opportunities that await you

Again, believe me I understand what you are going through. But you will get through it and then look back and wonder why you spent so much energy on it.

Best of luck to you!!!!

 

[MiniLopHop]

Ashtin,
Please do not go back to cutting :hug: No matter how bad things look now, it will get better. I think you need to tell your parents what happened and explain why you want to do cyber school. I think the teacher needs to be repremanded for intentionally embaressing you at assmbly, they are being a bully and it shouldn't be tollerated.

I was a cutter when I was in college and honestly still get the urge when I get stressed. I look at the scars and get help because I don't want to go back to hurting myself. You also could not pay me enough to go back to high school, it was too hard emotionally and I was also bullied. I feel my life has just gotten better as I have aged and the best years are yet to come. I have been quite successful in life, particularly compared to thoes who bullied me.

Your life is what you make it. Hard work will get you much further in the world than the people who are used to skating through on popularity. I think it is hysterical that our oh so popular quarterback got fat and bald. He peaked in HS.

Once you get out into the world you will have so many choices on how your life goes and who you include. Please don't limit your views based on one mistake. People do stupid things when they are kids, that is why you are legally a minor. This is the time to figure things out.

If you ever want to talk please pm me. :hug: Give Teddy lots of hugs and kisses. Rabbits are great listners too with the big ears.

 

[JjGoesBounce]

Talk to us, it may be horrible but it doesn't make your life, unless you let it.

Sending love and hugs!
Jj

 

[BunnyLove89]

I had a crappy time in high school too. I had been homeschooled most of my life and got plopped into private school my sophomore year. It started out okay, but I fell into the wrong crowd. I got really depressed and started cutting daily. By the end of the year I had been hospitalized because of that and also because I was trying to kill myself. My "friends" didn't help. I got cornered by one of my "good friends" and she got in my face and said that I didn't have the balls to kill myself. Also, the guy who I had my first kiss with spread rumors throughout the entire school about my sex life (which was nonexistant, but people believed the rumors and I was labeled a ****). Before long, both of my arms were covered. It was ugly and I hated it. I had a really bad home life at that time and when I tried to confide in my friends, they stopped talking to me and called me a pathological liar and said they wanted nothing to do with me. My best friend at the time even stopped talking to me 3 days after my brother passed away.
I'm 23 now. I haven't cut in 2 years and most of my scars are faded. I still have some emotional scars from my past, but for the most part, I am happy now. Stopping hurting myself was one of the hardest things i've ever done. I still get the urge sometimes, but I choose not to do it because I don't deserve that.
If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. I know of a website that you might be interested in too. It really helped me, and there are different sections for different issues you may be dealing with. I used to be a mentor on there and I still go on it on occassion.