Feeding the homeless...

[BunnyLove89]

I posted this on facebook a few days ago:

"So a few weeks ago I was driving home with my parents after going out to eat. We made a stop about 5 minutes away from my house and we made sure we parked some distance away from a homeless man that we passed by many times before. He seemed unstable, physically and possibly mentally as well, and we didn't want to get "mixed up" in it. Ever since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about him and how I could help. A few nights ago I decided I would make him dinner and bring it to him in the parking lot where he sleeps every night. I was shaking and unsure of what I would say. I went up to him and asked in a quiet voice "are you hungry?" and set the food down. He held it up and asked in a surprised voice "is this homemade?". I don't think he has had anything but the occassional lunch from a fast food place in quite some time. Upon approaching him I noticed an overwhelming smell of someone who has not bathed or had clean clothes in God only knows how long. After that, the next thing that struck me was his vibrant blue eyes. Once I started talking to him I began to see him as more than a homeless man. I barely held it together and when I got back into the van I started getting really sad because I felt bad for this person who could very well be me. The next day as I was heading out for the day I packed some more food for him and went to his usual spots. I didn't see him until later that night and when I got out of the van with his dinner I told him that I couldn't find him earlier, but i'm glad I was still able to bring him something to eat. He looked up from where he was laying, with a surprised look and asked "you were looking for me??" . The next morning I went to the store and bought enough food to bring him a healthy dinner each night for a week. Yesterday I found out that his name is Mark. This morning my dad stopped and brought him bottles of water and talked with him. Tonight I brought him dinner and he met my mom. In the past few days, 1 person caring turned into 2 people caring, and then 3 people. I have been researching different volunteer opportunities for feeding the homeless in my area and there really aren't many so I want to start my own.

Right now it costs $10 to bring him a healthy dinner and a drink every night for 1 week. I'm trying to get to where I am able to provide him with more healthy food and plenty of water. Ideally I would like this to extend to other needy people in my area.

I am looking for support in this. Either financially or with prayers. I can't do this without either."

(I am not asking for financial support here on RO, I was just too lazy to edit it. )

So far I've brought Mark dinners every night except for the night before last. He has already begun asking my dad and I if we can help in certain areas. My dad is good at saying what we can and cannot do, whereas I am not. Every morning my dad brings him coffee, water, and breakfast; and every night I bring him dinner, water, koolaid, dessert, and a snack. Whatever I give Mark I buy out of my grocery money. My family struggles financially and my parents give me $100 a month for all of my food. If I keep up feeding Mark like I am, I will be spending $40/month just on him. I don't want to stop helping him, but I'm at the point where I need to apply for food stamps because of our financial situation (we used to really well off but my dad had to go on disabilty. my mom was working for a little bit but she had open heart surgery recently and is recovering from that).

I have Celiac Disease and have to eat 100% gluten free. Gluten Free food is more expensive and since i've been feeding Mark, I haven't been able to afford alot of my gluten free food so I've been getting sick frequently.
My boyfriend keeps telling me that I need to take care of myself, but I feel selfish.

I don't know what to do. I'm trying to decide which is worse: helping him and as a result I am sick all the time, or not helping him and feeling like a spoiled, selfish brat...

 

[MiniLopHop]

In airplanes they always say to attach your own face mask before helping others. You need to take care of your health before you can help him. Perhaps you can share but not to the point of depriving yourself?

Perhaps you can talk with him to see what kinds of skills he has and help him in a job search? Perhaps your dad has some old clothes that might fit him? Are there any social services in the area you might be able to help direct him towards?

There are many ways to help, but please take care of yourself. You have a big heart but you have to remember that he is not your responsibility alone. Comprimise is probably the best solution. I would love to take in all the homeless rabbits in the world, but then I couldn't do justice to the babies I have now. :hug:

I will be praying for you and Mark ray:

 

[fuzz16]

we are very low on money sometimes. So with four of us my home food budget is 200$. With meal planning I spend 30-40 a week on all four of us. Maybe if you do some larger dishes, or prep foods it would make the money last. could buy bulk veggies and roast and split it into 4 bags that would last you a month and cost around 20$ish plus have some extra veggies left over for other things. Then you stick it in the freezer and when your ready to cook it pop it in the crock pot and itll serve 4-5 with some leftovers.

theres a lot of options for food and meal planning has saved us a looot of money. of course watch sales, buy in bulk what you can, and use farmers market for veggies.

Also for meat, my mom buys half a cow a year for 600$ and thats enough beef to last the year with extra eating beef 1-2 a week. She buys it from a farmer friend and the butcher cleans it. I buy longhorn off my aunt and 10lbs can last me months. So buying meat in bulk from a local butcher is a really good option too and putting it in the deep freeze

but like Brandy said, you really need to help your family before others. You can't help everyone. And you cant help anyone if you cant take care of yourself fully too.

You should find out though if anyone local has to be on the same diet and you guys could share tips, recipes, ect

 

[LakeCondo]

In a big city like Chicago, most of the beggars seem to want money for cheap booze. There is a church in the area that gives free meals, so that's not really what they want. But you clearly are dealing with a different situation, though I think I'd try to find a church or secular group that could offer additional help & know the avenues of getting housing & temporary jobs etc.

 

[degrassi]

I found a group in my city called "beyond the streets". Its just a lady that goes and feeds the homeless every friday, with her own money and time. I contacted her as me and my mom were looking to help out somewhere. So now for the last 3-4 months we've been going out friday nights and handing out food. We feed about 100-150people for about 50$ a week. We make things like rice casseroles, pastas, desserts, and give out drinks and fresh fruit.

My mom also volunteers picking up leftover bread from Cobb's bakery one sunday/month and bringing it to other charities. So sometimes we also have leftover bread(charities freezer too full) so we get to keep it. We now use the leftovers to make sandwiches for the homeless. Cobb's bakery makes 15% extra each day to donate, so there is a LOT of bread when we pick it up.This is why I originally contacted Beyond the Streets as I wanted to know if she wanted the bread. We also contacted a grocery store(a big warehouse one like costco) and asked if they'd give us any non-sellable produce. So every couple days we go to the store and pick up boxes of veggies. We prepare them and freeze them for when we need them. We get things like 15 cases of spinach(each case had 12 bags!)just because the expiry date was in a few days. So its still good they just can't sell it. Otherwise it just gets thrown in the trash.

We also use a lot of produce from out own gardens. Like right now for the past few weeks we've been making the desserts because our rhubarb is ready(friends have donated some too). So we've been making rhubarb crisp since the rhubarb is free and its only a couple $ for sugar,oats and butter to make the topping. The guys at the shelter LOVE it! Everyone asks if its rhubarb and comments they haven't had it since they were younger and their grandma made it.

So id suggest that if money is short to find somewhere to volunteer for free. If you are set on feeding this one homeless man then there are ways to make things cheaply but its harder then feeding a big group. Make dishes in bulk, find deals, use cheap ingredients(pastas, rice etc)ask people and stores if they can donate food. Its summer now so lots of people will have veggies and fruit from the garden.

Its nice to see you want to help and its been a great experience for me. But I've found its best not to get to attached to specific people. Its not up to you to "save" them, so don't feel guilty. You've already made a big impact in his life and most people wouldn't even have cared enough to go up to him.

 

[BunnyLove89]

Mark's situation is quite difficult. Apparently he used to be well off but then he got a leg injury and lost his job. He has a hard time walking and shuffles along. He also goes to the bathroom in his clothes so he isn't allowed in most businesses due to the smell. I've offered him clothes, but he turns them down.
He is also pretty delusional. He says that he is a successful business man and works from 10-5 every day. He describes his job in detail and when we give him food or a drink he takes it but says he has to wait until break to eat or drink. He is very polite and pleasant to talk to (the smell, however, is not pleasant).
I don't know how to help him, besides bringing him food, because he is cleary mentally ill.

 

[agnesthelion]

I agree that you do need to take care of your self first.

But, I commend you for helping him.

I will most always give money to the homeless when I see them. Where I live there aren't many. I don't even care if they spend it on booze or drugs, I mean I care, but i still give them money. I want them to feel for a split second that people still care and aren't revolted by them.

I had a close family member who was homeless for a short while. It humbled me and opened my eyes. Every homeless person has a story and is "someone" and I feel for the way people scowl at at them or judge them.

I wish the best for mark but I do agree you can't let yourself suffer in place of him.

 

[LakeCondo]

Insane asylums were pretty bad, I guess, with people over-medicated, but letting the severely mentally ill people decide whether or not to be medicated isn't working that well either.

 

[Nancy McClelland]

You need to take care of yourself first--the airplane scenario is very apt. My action would be to talk to a local church group and see if they can steer someone his way. I was collecting toys for children in a group home once upon a time and a person was brought to my attention. I talked to the Nun our minister program and she followed up and made a real difference. It was a single mother and her daughter, they had no furniture or anything except a mattress--they weren't quite homeless, but weren't in a good situation. It worked out fairly well in the end. They got furniture, Xmas presents and help from a local organization.

 

[luvthempigs]

All very good points and suggestions being made.

I just wanted to add a little tip we use at work when we have to deal with stinky people, its called vicks. Put a dab under each nostril and the only smell you will smell is menthol. Works great.

 

[HolyHandGrenade]

Not sure what to do about Mark's situation. I'm commenting more to offer that I'm also a sufferer of celiac disease and eat gluten free exclusively. I've been on unemployment for over a year and get along just fine in the food department. How? I don't buy "gluten free food". Processed specialty things are too expensive, so I stopped bothering to spend money on them. I buy rice, fresh vegetables and fruits, yogurt, quinoa, and corn tortillas. Things that have more than a handful of ingredients are not in my budget, as I'm sick of reading long lists after 4+ years this way. I make everything I desire, and my boyfriend treats me to special things sometimes (Enjoy Life soft-baked gfree cookies, for example), but they are not necessary. I never, ever eat unsafe food if I'm low on funds, I just go get some frozen veggies or some bananas to get by.

 

[Gordon]

I've worked 3rd shift for seven years in a downtown hotel, and until recently, we never had any homeless people wander in. Just a couple weeks ago, a man who calls himself Gus, decided to adopt us. It's partly my fault because I listen to him, and let him wander around the air-conditioned lobby and get drinks from the water fountain. He came in last night while some hotel guests were eating pizza in the lobby, and sat down next to them and asked them if he could have a beer. They said no, and one of them told him he wasn't welcome, and escorted him off the property.

Jen, I think you are a very special person to help Mark the way you do. I personally would not go out of my way for Gus, but I won't evict him from a public hotel lobby unless he's shirtless or panhandling. My guy is aware of the various social service agencies and shelters, and if he chooses not to use them, that is his problem.

 

[MyBabyHasPaws]

Please becareful. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I have a huge heart, like you I can see. I did the same for a man that lived close to my house for 3 weeks. His name was Robert. On the 3rd week, it was a Friday, the first and last time I went to give him food without my husband. He robbed me. Smacked me so hard I passed out. Took my necklace and my shoes. I woke up to my husband screaming. He did get arrested... but he has changed the way I see people and I TRUST NOONE NOW. NOONE! I'm scared of homeless people and I no longer want to help..

Please, just becareful.