Wabbitdad12
Retired Moderator
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EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008
NEW OFFICE POLICY
DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according toyour salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially][size=and therefore do not need a raise.[/size]
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage yourmoney better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and][size=therefore you do not need a raise.[/size]
4) If you dress just right, you ar e right where you need][size=to be and therefore you do not need a raise.[/size]
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proofof sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothingyou can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Everyeffort should be made to have non-employees attend thefuneral arrangements in your place. In rare cases whereemployee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour andsubsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in thestalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm willsound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stalldoor will open, and a picture will be taken. After yoursecond offense, your picture will be posted on thecompany bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
*Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need][size=to eat more, so that they can look healthy.[/size]
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get abalanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that'sall the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are hereto provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternationand input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!
