Does anyone else do nerdy stuff like have a "mission statement", etc?

[TinysMom]

Years ago I read stuff by Stephen Covey and others - and one day I felt really motivated to sit down and write out a "mission statement" about my life - what I wanted it to be like - about the various relationships in it, etc. It was amazing - because every week I looked at my life and at those various areas (anything from my spiritual life to my marriage to my kids - my mom - even my housework and how I maintained the home) - and I would measure them against what I said I wanted my life to be like.

I've been thinking back to that time - how amazing it was - how much I enjoyed my life. While homemaking has never been a major strength of mine - I really ENJOYED the life I was living and maintained our home in a way that we all enjoyed it. To this day - Eric still talks about it too - how every Sunday morning when we got up early for church (Art was on the worship team and we had to be there at 8 am for his practice since we had only one car)...the music was playing - the coffee was brewing along with hot water for hot chocolate - how we had bagels and muffins all ready to go - juice on the table, etc. He was telling me last week how much that meant to him and how much he misses it now.

Part of the problem in my life is - I strayed away from what I felt was important - because I didn't have it to look at once a week and remind myself. I'm excited because last night I downloaded a free 30 day trial of Covey's "Plan Plus for Windows" - a planner you use on the computer - but you tie everything into your mission statement and what you say your values are. I'm so excited about getting it set up. I used an older version of this until my computer crashed once and I lost it all...


So I guess that I'm going to throw out the question - has anyone else here been influenced by Covey or others to the point where you have some sort of a mission statement? You don't have to share it here - I know these can be very personal.....

I'm about to do a "life circle" exercise to get me started. And for those who are wondering what that is like....draw a circle and divide it into 8 parts - like a pizza has pizza slices.

Well - here is a better description of it - I'll just give you a link where you can see what it looks like....

http://www.u2canchange.com/wst_page5.html

 

[EileenH]

On this January 1st, you're reminded me about something I have been meaning to do.

I never got to do one, but since you sent this on the first day of a New Year, I'm taking it as this is the day I am going to do it.


I've been going through a lot the past few years(open heart surgery, mydad passing away the same year, financial difficulties as we bought ahouse under the premise Mom would sell hers and help us out finanancially,mom trying to sell her house in a terrible market & the stress that goes along with that which hasn'thappened yet.

About a month ago I got fed up enough with myself that I want to change. I am just realizing that much of it is residual issues I had with undergoing open heart surgery. I thought I could just go back to my old life, but nothing has been the same.

It's time I accept who I am, and make me the best person I can be with who I am now. So, thanks for bringing me back and reminding me of some of the tools out there to help me accomplish this important goal for myself.

Peg, in your experience this has helped you stay on track?

 

[TinysMom]

EileenH wrote:

Peg, in your experience this has helped you stay on track?

Yes - no - and maybe. Let me clarify that....although I apologize in advance for what is going to be a lengthy post.

WHEN I LIVED BY MY MISSION STATEMENT AND USED IT IN MY LIFE....my life was far far different than it is now. My life was very much balanced - my kids and husband will often times refer to our life back at that time as one of their favorite times of our life together. In fact - I think one of the reasons I'm so drawn to return to Anchorage, AK is because during our time there - I lived by many of the principles I read about in Stephen Covey's books and also books by another author whose name I forget at the moment (he is Covey's partner).

I'll never forget how it all started. Art & I were fighting all the time...he was unhappy at work - in our marriage - I hated seeing the car drive in the driveway and I just wanted to run away from life. I'd read where someone asked, 'If you're in a situation you don't like...what three things can you do about it - right now - to change it for yourself.". Wow..three things? I thought about it and decided - "hey- I'm miserable - I'll try anything" and I came up with three things to do for myself. One of the three things was to nurture myself and not depend upon Art to show me love. (We were too broke to divorce and both too stubborn to give up anyway).

As I nurtured myself through books and sort of tuned Art out (it was almost like I put a coat on over myself and said, "I won't allow his words to penetrate and hurt..") - one day I felt like I needed to sit down and write out a mission statement. It was like the words were just right there - at the tip of my pen and in less than an hour - I wrote out in great detail - what I wanted from my life as far as my spiritual life (which was my #1 priority)- my marriage (my #2 priority)- my kids (#3) - my extended family (#4) - my work, my personal interests - etc. etc. I even had a section for how I wanted to run my house - so that it would minister to my family and myself. No - it wouldn't be perfect - but I started having meals at a regular time each night (I had planned menus, etc).

Now - I'm going to be very vulnerable here and share my mission statement at that time....at least the part about my marriage. Here it is:
[line]

In all things, I will seek to build my husband up and not tear him
down. I will seek his welfare even at the cost of *my* desires. I
will remember that our times together can end at any moment and I
will seek to make our life together enjoyable and happy. By my words
& deeds I will bless him and not curse him. During times of anger
and frustration I will choose to ACT and not REACT. I will free him
from my expectations and allow him to be human. I will seek to SERVE
him rather than to be served by him. I will seek to build him up
when others seek to tear him down. I will make our home a place of
refuge from the world ~ where he is loved, cherished & admired. Tow
things I will focus on continually are:

I am here to complete him (and not vice versa)

and

My relationship to him is to represent the church's relationship
to Christ.

I will be his prayer warrior, partner, friend, lover, confidante, and
soul mate.

​

[line]

For those who are reading this - please remember that my philosophy about my marriage comes about from my Christian beliefs...every marriage is going to be different!

[line]

The thing about this is (and I can't seem to get the formatting to work right to get things the way I want)... writing the mission statement and walking away from it - won't change my life. I have to check in on my mission statement on a weekly basis. I used to ask myself, "How am I doing on this?" and possibly make changes in my attittudes or actions. It might mean making the time to change some things.

​

Ah - now I can format...

I think that the people who know me well - will agree with this. If I were to pick one word in my life that sums up who I am - it would be the word "nurture". (Sometimes my kids would say its "smother"). But I love to nurture people - to encourage them - to cheer them on.

I got away from living my life purposefully and based upon my mission statement because of two things....well...three sort of.

• I lost my organizer that I was using for planning out my week - where I would look at my mission statement and ask how I was doing.
• I got cocky. Things were going well - had been going well for a couple of years. My mission statement must be such a part of my life - that I didn't need to review it any more.
• When my kids left home - I lost most of my relationships that I "nurtured" on a regular basis...and it was like I lost my heart and was purposeless. I worked for 2 years and that kept me busy- but the heart of who I was - was gone. When we moved and I stopped working because we had only one car and Art worked rotating shifts - I lost connection with the world socially - and just gave up.

Lately - I feel like my life has been the pits. I've had struggles in my marriage - partly from behaviors I've allowed from Art (who I love dearly but he tends to put me down sometimes)....I've had struggles with my homemaking because I let clutter overwhelm me and I stopped caring about the house...I've had struggles working for many reasons.

I finally reached a point of saying, "Either I'm gonna strangle myself with this rope - or I'm gonna tie a knot - hold on - and start grabbing more rope to make a rope ladder and pull myself back up."

I remember those days in Alaska...the way I felt about myself...my family...my home.

I've decided to not only tie the knot and hold on - but get a rope ladder built and get out of this mess.

So does it work? Yes...if you stick with it. If you really want to make changes - you can. But you can't get cocky...you can't just write something out once and never read it again and walk away from it. It takes writing it out - rereading it - editing it as your life/heart changes...and I think it takes connecting with people who feel the same way and who will cheer you on.

In my next post - I'm going to share a newsletter I received this week in email....I got it shortly after deciding "I'm making changes" and I was wondering "What is different this time?" and "Why do I feel such hope that this time the changes will be lasting?"..

I hope you enjoy it.

​

 

[TinysMom]

The Four Emotions That Can Lead to Life Change by Jim Rohn
Tuesday, December 30, 2008 - 2:45 PM

Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress.
Which emotions cause people to act? There are four basic ones; each, or a combination of several, can trigger the most incredible activity. The day that you allow these emotions to fuel your desire is the day you'll turn your life around.

1) DISGUST
One does not usually equate the word "disgust" with positive action. And yet properly channeled, disgust can change a person's life. The person who feels disgusted has reached a point of no return. He or she is ready to throw down the gauntlet at life and say, "I've had it!" That's what I said after many humiliating experiences at age 25, I said. "I don't want to live like this anymore. I've had it with being broke. I've had it with being embarrassed, and I've had it with lying."
Yes, productive feelings of disgust come when a person says, "Enough is enough."
The "guy" has finally had it with mediocrity. He's had it with those awful sick feelings of fear, pain and humiliation. He then decides he is not going to live like this anymore." Look out! This could be the day that turns a life around. Call it what you will, the "I've had it" day, the "never again" day, the "enough's enough" day. Whatever you call it, it's powerful! There is nothing so life-changing as gut-wrenching disgust!

2) DECISION
Most of us need to be pushed to the wall to make decisions. And once we reach this point, we have to deal with the conflicting emotions that come with making them. We have reached a fork in the road. Now this fork can be a two-prong, three-prong, or even a four-prong fork. No wonder that decision-making can create knots in stomachs, keep us awake in the middle of the night, or make us break out in a cold sweat.
Making life-changing decisions can be likened to internal civil war. Conflicting armies of emotions, each with its own arsenal of reasons, battle each other for supremacy of our minds. And our resulting decisions, whether bold or timid, well thought out or impulsive, can either set the course of action or blind it. I don't have much advice to give you about decision-making except this:
Whatever you do, don't camp at the fork in the road. Decide. It's far better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. Each of us must confront our emotional turmoil and sort out our feelings.

3) DESIRE
How does one gain desire? I don't think I can answer this directly because there are many ways. But I do know two things about desire:
a. It comes from the inside not the outside.
b. It can be triggered by outside forces.
Almost anything can trigger desire. It's a matter of timing as much as preparation. It might be a song that tugs at the heart. It might be a memorable sermon. It might be a movie, a conversation with a friend, a confrontation with the enemy, or a bitter experience. Even a book or an article such as this one can trigger the inner mechanism that will make some people say, "I want it now!"
Therefore, while searching for your "hot button" of pure, raw desire, welcome into your life each positive experience. Don't erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching experiences. So let life touch you. The next touch could be the one that turns your life around.

4) RESOLVE
Resolve says, "I will." These two words are among the most potent in the English language. I WILL. Benjamin Disraeli, the great British statesman, once said, "Nothing can resist a human will that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose." In other words, when someone resolves to "do or die," nothing can stop him.
The mountain climber says, "I will climb the mountain. They've told me it's too high, it's too far, it's too steep, it's too rocky, it's too difficult. But it's my mountain. I will climb it. You'll soon see me waving from the top or you'll never see me, because unless I reach the peak, I'm not coming back." Who can argue with such resolve?
When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, "We might as well let him have his dream. He's said he's going to get there or die trying."
The best definition for "resolve" I've ever heard came from a schoolgirl in Foster City, California. As is my custom, I was lecturing about success to a group of bright kids at a junior high school. I asked, "Who can tell me what "resolve" means?" Several hands went up, and I did get some pretty good definitions. But the last was the best. A shy girl from the back of the room got up and said with quiet intensity, "I think resolve means promising yourself you will never give up." That's it! That's the best definition I've ever heard: PROMISE YOURSELF YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP.
Think about it! How long should a baby try to learn how to walk? How long would you give the average baby before you say, "That's it, you've had your chance"? You say that's crazy? Of course it is. Any mother would say, "My baby is going to keep trying until he learns how to walk!" No wonder everyone walks.
There is a vital lesson in this. Ask yourself, "How long am I going to work to make my dreams come true?" I suggest you answer, "As long as it takes." That's what these four emotions are all about.
To Your Success,
Jim Rohn




FROM http://www.lifeplancommunity.com/weblog/?iBlogID=87

 

[myheart]

I agree with you, Peg. Things that one want, or need to change, need to be written down and continually reviewed on a regular basis.

I had read Dale Carnegie's, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living last year, and have been thinking about re-reading it to remind myself that worrying about little things makes me more tired and unhappy. I discovered my Microsoft OneNote program, which sets up notebooks with different tabs. I made a tab for each of my worries and went to work writing about them until I felt I had some sort of resolution to the "problem". The only thing is that I don't take the time to re-read the pages to remind myself of the solutions I came up with, or to update certain points that have been resolved over time.

I like your idea of a mission statement to start with as base idea of what one's standard of living should revolve around. Whether it is bible-based or other, there should be some sort of starting point to expand outward to cover most, if not all aspects of one's life. There is always room for improvement no matter who you are or what you believe.

Be good to yourself and other, and good things will happen.

myheart

 

[TinysMom]

I am going to do a couple of posts based upon old messages from an internet group I'm part of. I think they'll share a bit of how my mission statement helped (or didn't help) me at that point in my life.

But I think its really important to say something here and I'm going to put it in red so it will stand out for folks to understand.

A "mission statement" isn't for everyone. Its not meant to be for everyone - and while I know it helps me and has helped others live a life they liked....it isn't going to appeal to anyone. My own family thinks I'm crazy .... except for the fact they've seen how much happier I am when I live my life according to what I feel is important to me.

My temperament is a deeply introspective one...when I take the temperament tests they show they I have a need to do stuff like this and to help others too (not necessarily with stuff like this).

In addition, I appear to be "borderline A.D.D." and struggle to follow through on things. I NEED to have things written down - to have something to measure my life against to see if I'm living the way I say I want to live.

Also - my mission statement comes out of my faith and beliefs. It is for me to live by - not for others to live by. You don't need to have a certain faith or belief to have a mission statement...and your mission statement doesn't have to cover certain areas...mine just does because it is what helps me.

I guess it is just really important to me that people not feel judged if they look at this topic and go "whatever" and walk away. It isn't for everyone...but I guess I was looking to see if there were others who were into this type of thing...

Ok..now on to share some old messages from an email list I was on/ran...

 

[TinysMom]

I used to run a list called "Creative Helpmates" on yahoogroups for Christian wives who wanted to be better helpmates to their husbands. I shared this on the list in 1999....when I shared about my mission statement...

I have been praying over this - and I am going to share it. Please understand though - my only reason for sharing this is to do two things:

1. Help you understand where I've been and why I say the things I say
sometimes..

and

2. Help you understand where I'm going and what I hope to be like.

Now if the list suddenly drops members after reading this - I promise I won't get too upset! :-D

First of all - the story behind my mission statement. In October of 1997 I
was very discouraged. I felt like I was married to an alien. My best friend
had disappeared and this very angry, verbally abusive man was in his place.
All that I wanted - was out of my marriage. We were very involved in our
church at that time (we still go there and love it) and I felt like a
hypocrite going and smiling and serving the Lord when I honestly couldn't stand to be around this person most of the time....because he had changed in about a three month time period.

When I was at the point of being almost the most broken I've ever been
(emotionally and spiritually), I read a couple of books - one of them being
the book "First Things First" and the other one being the book "The 10 Natural Laws of Time and Life Management". One of them (I forget which one - I'd have to go back and check) made the statement...

"What one thing could you give do right now to make major changes in your life?" or something along those lines. I will go and find the passage later and try to share it with y'all - but that was the way it hit me.

"Leave Art" was my #1 choice - but I knew that I was wrong. I decided that I would have to love him - 'cause I knew leaving him wasn't really an option.

That weekend, I prayed with an older woman friend who was on the woman's council and she asked if I would be willing to be mentored by an older woman and I said "YES".

Before God provided another woman though - He brought ME to my knees one day. I had been praying that He would give me a mission statement for my life - some sort of purpose - so that I could go on living with "that man" and be content.

God gave me a mission statement. I remember sitting down w/ the pen and paper and the words just flowing so fast I could barely write them. As I wrote, things naturally divided themselves into the roles I now plan by.

My mission statement about my marriage brings tears to my eyes whenever I read it - because it is so much of what I want - and because it is what I have now.

No - I'm not totally there....but in God's time...I hope to be there.

​

I shared the part about my marriage and then I added this:

BTW - as a side note - my neighbor lost her husband on New Year's Morning in a freak hit & run accident. In a matter of a moment - her marriage was over...wiped out. The grief on her face was so sad (as it should be). I realize that could happen to me at any time - and I don't want to live with "If only...".​

​

 

[TinysMom]

I shared this with a homemaking list on 12/26/2000....I'm just gonna add it here cause I love the quotes so much..

On Christmas Day, I was cleaning out a closet and came across a box
that said, "Stuff from windowseat". I thought, "Well, there isn't
anything important there - but I'll deal with the box anyway." HA!
In the box was my planner/organizer with my mission statement (talk
about stepping on my own toes..OUCH! Rereading my mission statement
for my life was very convicting as I realized I wasn't living up to
what I really wanted)...and also some pages of quotes that have
really touched me.

These notes are from Gordon MacDonald's book "Ordering Your Private
World" and they mean a lot to me. I hope that they bless you too.


MacDonald's Laws of Unseized Time

Law #1 - Unseized time flows towards my weaknesses (in my case -
INTERNET)

Law #2 - Unseized time comes under the influence of dominant people
in my world

Law #3 - Unseized time surrenders to the demands of all emergencies

Law #4 - Unseized time gets invested in things that gain public
acclamation


HOW TIME IS RECAPTURED:

I must know my rhythms of maximum effectiveness.

I must have good criteria for choosing how to use my time (notice -
CHOOSING how to use it)

I seize time and command it when I budget it far in advance



Here are some other quotes that really minister to me from the book:

When we are disorganized...we wind up just not liking ourselves, our
jobs or much else about our worlds. Disorganization is revealed in
the quality of our personal relationships.


To order my life according to the expectations of myself and others;
and to value myself according to the opinions of others; these can
play havoc with my inner world. But to operate on the basis of God's
call is to enjoy a great deal of order within.


When I am slipping into disorganization, I know it because:
My desk takes on a cluttered appearance (I am glad you ladies
can't see through the monitor)
The condition of my car - it becomes dirty inside and out and I
lose track of the maintenance schedule
I become aware of a diminution in my self-esteem
There are a series of forgotten appointments, telephone messages
to which I have failed to respond, and deadlines which I have begun
to miss.
I tend to invest my energies in unproductive tasks.


Finally, the quote that really reaches out and slaps me across the
face. Gordon MacDonald once skipped a class to prepare a speech.
His instructor later told him it was a "good" speech - but pointed
out "the paper wasn't a great one because you sacrificed the routine
to write it". The instructor then said, "The man or woman who learns
to make peace with routine responsibilities and obligations will make
the greatest contributions in the long run." OUCH...even the routine
of dishes and laundry?​

 

[TinysMom]

About a week after that post - I posted this on the homemaking list as they discussed planners.

I'm sharing it because the "roles" part is how I use my mission statement on a weekly basis to focus my life on what I want to do...etc.

I have used planners off and on for years. When I use a planner I am
organized. When I misplace it or forget to use it - I am not so organized.

However, for me - the key to using the planner - is to sit down once a week and think through my week ahead of time. I like the "weekly compass" that Stephen Covey recommends using in his books...and I'll share a bit about it here (and bore everyone to tears probably).

Basically, what Covey recommends is to list up to SEVEN roles in your life
that you need to focus on that week. For example, for me this week my roles are: Wife, Mother, Homemaker, Homeschooler, Daughter, Mystery Shopper and Merchandiser. Now some of you might wonder "why so many different roles? Why not combine wife with homemaker or mom with homeschooler?" The reason is this - my relationship(s) with my kids and husband are different than my relationships as their teacher or as the homemaker. I have different goals. While I know my husband loves having clean underwear...to me that isn't "blessing him" as his wife.

At the beginning of the week, I try to sit down and say, "What do I want to do for Art this week?" and "What do I want to do for/with the kids?" and "What does my house need this week?". Although I call my mother weekly - I put down daughter for this week because she's had a rough month and I want to do something "extra" for her.

As I determine these goals, I can then plan in the things that I need to get done (hence using the planner). For example, this week my goal(s) in
homemaking included coming up with a menu plan. That was originally down to be worked on yesterday - but I had several calls and interruptions and it didn't get done...so I moved that goal to Wednesday. One of my goals for homeschooling was to print up some tests and give them to the kids - that was done for Monday and it DID get done. (YIPPEE).

At the end of this week, I will look back at my goals and see what did and didn't get done and then decide what should go into next week or possibly be rescheduled for later in the month.

You can use this method with ANY planner - it doesn't have to be a Franklin Planner. I hope to get to the point where I'm planning my menu at the same time as my weekly plan.

Along with the seven roles, I also have the "sharpen the saw" area I work on.

That comes from the story of the folks out cutting down the trees. They
would work and work -and find out that they were slowing down - yet others would work and work - then take a break and work some more - and still keep up their pace. The difference? One set of lumberjacks took that break time to "sharpen their saws" that way they could always work at the same pace.

Sharpen the saw deals with physical goals, and mental goals, etc. - FOR ME!
These are the things that help me to keep going - they can include goals like journaling X times per week or working out or doing facials or whatever. These are the things we do for ourselves to help us keep functioning. Of course daily quiet time would fit in here perfectly too!

Anyway, enough of my rambling - get me talking about planning and mission statements, etc and I could go on and on and on. In fact, I found my mission statement again the other day and cried when I read it - because for the last 6 months I haven't followed it at all and could understand why it had been such a ROUGH time.


​