Dating new men

[Linz_1987]

I have recently broken up with my 'fiance' (longstory) and have been asked out saturday. He asked me for mymobile number so I gave it him.

He comes into where I work every saturday and has been coming for aboutone or two years. But I dont know him any more thanthat. He is picking me up at 10am Thursday in his car so wecan go out somewhere.

I am terrified! I have never been in this situationbefore. I dont know him what so ever. All I know isthe town he lives in, and that he works in a care home. Heseems a really sweet person. The first text I gotfrom him was a bit weird, saying that he just got out the shower andhad his boxers on :?But the other texts have been normal sofar.

I told him to meet me about 2 minutes away from my house so he doesntknow where I live just yet. But im scared incase somethinghorrible happens!

What would you suggest or have any of you been in this situation before?

:shock:

 

[aurora369]

I would stay in a public place, go to a movie orrestaurant. And let people know where you will be.Untill you get to know him, stay away from private places.

Use your instincts, your gut is always right.

Good luck!

--Dawn

 

[Linz_1987]

Yer! Thanks! Hes driving methere though, so im scared about that! We are going to a bigpublic place about 20 mins away from where I live. It has ahuge shopping centre and cinema etc. But I hope he actuallydoes take me there! lol

Ive told my parents and all my friends about where 'im suppose to begoing'. So if anything happens and if im not back in time forwork then everybody knows :shock:

Thankz for the luck! I might need it!

 

[Linz_1987]

Also if this guy doesnt like bunnies then hes outta here! lol

 

[maherwoman]

Yes, I have experience in this...

I was single when I had my daughter (another long story), and when shewas about three, decided it was time I got out there, but in having achild, couldn't think of a single other way to do that other thaninternet dating.

I encountered a few men that were quite questionable, and had a policythat whenever I encountered someone that made me feel the way thatyou're describing, I made sure I used MY car and just met him at theplace we were supposed to go, and always had a plan for a friend tocall me about a half-hour in to be sure I was okay. I had adeal with that friend that if I didn't answer, or said a certain keyphrase, to call the police and let them know where we were...which shewas quite certain of. If it was to the point of my being flatout afraid that the guy was going to be dangerous, I flat out didn'tmeet up with him.

You have to trust your gut-instinct with people...it will most alwaysbe right. There is that perception and instinct in all of usthat most people invalidate or argue away...but it's oh, so importantto pay attention to, and to ALWAYS have a plan even if you don't getthat feeling about someone.

I would suggest setting up the idea I mentioned above with a friend youknow you can count on to help out if needed. Also, if thedate is just BAD at that point, you can make the excuse that yourmother's ill, or there's a family emergency, and get the heck outtathere! Lol...comes in handy, believe me. There aresome weirdos out there!

I don't mean to scare you...and I'm so sorry if I am...I'm just tryingto let you know my experience and my safety plan(s) so you can be safe,too. I'm amazed that I met my now-husband through an internetdating site, given the amount of people I dated through it before I methim. I was ready to completely give up when I methim! Lol...

Let us know how things go, okay?

 

[Linz_1987]

Thank you very much! Ive told my bestmate about it and she said if anything goes wrong call her up and shewill come and get me. Bless her.

I could also txt her half hour into it, yer thank you.

I would drive there myself but I have a very strong tendency to getlost everywhere I go! And if I did get lost and was late hewould probually think I stood him up.

I thought it was really strange his first txt message. Iwould never of said something like that to someone I was firstdating/txting.

Makes me wonder what hes really like....

I will give you all the details after!

Im going to tell work tomorow as I have work at 5.30 thursday, so if imlate for work then they know if something has happened or not.

 

[pinksalamander]

I've seen that work in movies before. Get afriend to ring you up 30 mins into the date. If the date is going well,don't answer. If there is a problem, answer and act a family emergency.

 

[missyscove]

pinksalamander wrote:

I've seen that work in movies before. Get a friend to ringyou up 30 mins into the date. If the date is going well, don't answer.If there is a problem, answer and act a family emergency.

not to freak you out, but I would say assume there's a problem if Idon't answer. I mean, if there were some creep, wouldn't theynot want you to answer the phone?

 

[Linz_1987]

Yer that would be the other way round maybe?!

Update! :?

I got another text from him last night. Well I asked himwhere he worked, and he told me. But added at the end of the textmessage that he got drunk last night and made a bet with a group ofgirls but he wishes he never done it now. I asked him whatthe bet was and it like £100 if you got as many girls as possible toget you naked and 'spank you' and someone to video it all so we can seeif you are telling the truth. I told my friend and she saidthat I should ignore his messages from now on. But I told mysister and she said that its probually normal bloke behaviour down atthe pub drunk, and that he was just trying to make a conversation towhat he did last night?! Also she said that now I have splitup with my ex I have to put up with things like that from men. hehe.

What do you suggest I do? Leave it and ignore him? Or give it ago?

My sis said text him back saying "Haha, did you win?" Or something along them lines...

 

[SugarGlider]

Well, I'll say he does seem to not be very goodat conversation and not really understand appropriate things to betelling someone he's just getting to know. However, he doesseem to be being honest with you about himself (weirdly) and perhapshis own nervousness is making him say dumb things.

If he's out in pubs and has friends and is doing normal guy things inhis life them he probably isn't anything worse than a man.Reading that actually makes him seem less stalker/murdererlike.

Having said that he is giving you some big clues to the type of personhe is and if he's not turning out to be your type of guy then you mightwanna break it off or go on your date knowing this is just a one timedate or something. He might suprise you but he shouldn'tdissapoint you (having no good expectations, lol)

Either way good luck I would not want to be back in the singles scene *shudder*.

 

[Bassetluv]

Can't say I've been in that particularsituation, Linz, but for what it's worth, if it were me I would bearranging to meet him at the designated spot rather than having himdrive you for the first date. I'd probably even be pushing for it to bea double date, or gettogether with another couple first. That way you'dget more of a feel for what he is like in social settings, and how hehandles being around others with you, and how he handles being withyou. Just in reading what you've described about him...he could be avery nice guy, but a red flag went up for me. I'd proceed more on theside of caution until getting to know him better.

 

[Linz_1987]

Thankz again also for all the replies.Ive told my best friend everything that has happened i.e texts hes sentme etc. and she is meeting me about 20 minutes before 10am (where he ispicking me up) so she can see if he drives off like a maniac orsomething lol, and to write down his number plate incase.

He seems to be ok actually, but i just found it a bit weird that whathe was telling me. I made sure he knew that I wasnt going tobe on of these 'girls' to do the bet on him! And he said hewasnt expecting me to be, but was wondering what he should do about itas he doesnt want to loose £100. But to be honest I think heis being a bit OTT about it all. Like its not really a bigdeal, and he said he was drunk and didnt know what he wassaying. Its not like they will make him hand £100over. Anyway....

Im looking forward to Thursday and im also really scared! Ivenever met a new person like this before really and its all new to me!Considering I was with my fiance since I was 13 years old!

Like what if he wants to hold hands etc on our first date, Im notreally the type of person who would like that on a first date! And howto tell him no in a nice way. Oh I dunno! Im scared! hehe

 

[Smelly]

Linz_1987 wrote:

I got another text from him last night. Well I asked himwhere he worked, and he told me. But added at the end of the textmessage that he got drunk last night and made a bet with a group ofgirls but he wishes he never done it now. I asked him whatthe bet was and it like £100 if you got as many girls as possible toget you naked and 'spank you' and someone to video it all so we can seeif you are telling the truth. I told my friend and she saidthat I should ignore his messages from now on. But I told mysister and she said that its probually normal bloke behaviour down atthe pub drunk, and that he was just trying to make a conversation towhat he did last night?! Also she said that now I have splitup with my ex I have to put up with things like that from men.hehe.

Contrary to popular belief you don't have to be fine with "normal blokebehavior". As a man it is my opinion that only crazy peoplego make a bet about getting naked and having people spank you.

You don't have to put up with men like this lol. There areplenty of good men out there that don't do stupid stuff like this (heyI'm probably being harsh but... naw impossible!).

I'm bias though. I don't do crazy crap like that and don'tdrink. I'd forget about him but, whatever floats yourboat. He might be fine. Can't tell from so littleinfo. I've know a few good people that did crazy stuff.

 

[SOOOSKA]

Hi Linz, I agree with Bassetluv, you should drive yourself. Why don't you suggest a spot to meet at.

Before I was married I was on this Phone dating service (I actually metmy husband on it) I spoke with quite a few guys and met some.Wow were there some real WINNERS out there. I always metthem, ususally in my area.

At least you know what the guy looks like, some of the guys I met had no idea how to describe how they looked.

Good Luck, let us know how the date goes.

Soooska:apollo:

 

[maherwoman]

I dunno...I usually try to keep my opinions tomyself....but it sounds like he's a bit of a bad seed to me.I've known guys that made bets like that, and did things like that, andit just never ended well.

Ultimately, you're your own person, so do what you want to do...no onehere will judge you one way or the other...because family justshouldn't do that.

Either way, we love ya...have a good time!!

Rosie*

 

[HoneyPot]

Yeah... I've been reading the thread and not getting a good feeling about this guy.

I've dated a guy that sounds like this and gave me the same feelingI've been getting while reading the thread.Hesounds like the typical guy out to have a good time and letting youknow in his discreet (or not so dicreet ways) that he is looking forsome 'fun'.

He starts off by telling you he just got out of the shower (fine) andis just wearing his boxers? Ok maybe he was just beingconversationalist, but he is setting the mood for you to be like "Ohyeah, well I am wearing...."

Then he tells you about this bet. In my opinion this is asure sign he isout to get some action (which is all well andgood as long as you know what's going on up front). I thinkhe is really telling you these kinds of things to get a reaction fromyou - to judge what you will be up for. Will he have to wait3 dates to get a kiss or are you a give-it-on-the-first-date kinda girlif you know what I mean.

Just be safe - it sounds like you have everything under control, but be aware of what he might have in mind.

Good luck.

___________
Nadia

 

[Smelly]

I can't hold back anymore. I was trying not to be judgemental but... That's how I am! I'm t3h Judge!

Forget about him. Don't bother with him.



lolz!

 

[Linz_1987]

Well! I must say! Men!!!

He text me the NIGHT BEFORE! our 'date' and said he couldnt makeit! But is Monday ok instead! I was really annoyed!

But since Im busy monday... Oh dear!

I dont really think it will work out anyway as whenever I am busy, hesfree and vice versa! Its hard dating guys when you areworking all the time!

He will probually come into my work Saturday though, like he does everySaturday. So I will have to see him/talk to him.

I think im going to give up with men soon :?I just dont really have time for one! hehe :?

 

[maherwoman]

Aww...that's rough, Hun. I know howyou feel. There was a time where I felt like just giving upon the whole thing. But, believe me, they're not all jerkslike that. I promise! My husband is agem of a man, and I thought before I met him that they all had turnedinto zombie I-don't-care-about-women's-feelings types. Hereally restored my faith that there are still amazing men outthere. I know it doesn't feel like it, but I promise youthere are.

Dating is so rough, and really hard on women (I would venture to say,more then men). We really get our feelings trampled on andget taken advantage of...it can be so discouraging!

Believe me, though, when you meet the right man, he will GO OUT OF HISWAY to see you, and spend every waking moment waiting for that nexttime you guys spend time together. He doesexist, Sweetie...I promise!! And you can hold me to it,too...because I know he exists for you. Ya just gotta weedthrough the bad ones to find the good.

One thing that helped me was sitting down and making a list of thequalities I wanted my Mr. Right to have...and my husband has them to a"T"!! It helps a lot to quicker weed through thejerks.

Keep hope, Hun...and don't forget...we're here for you! :hug2

 

[Linz_1987]

Aww thankz! He keeps texting me andsaying all these days he can make it to go out but im just ignoringhim. Its going to be hard saturday though if he comes in forlunch again like he has been for years!

Writing a list is a very good idea! It sounds great. I will definetly do it later!

There are loadz of nice guys at college, but im just thinking that itmight be a bit too earlier to start dating new men, as I only split upwith my first love about a month ago. Its going to be hard.