can you read my homework.

[irishlops]

i menttr o send a lettero a local news paper about zoos...
so here it is.

Dear, sir,
As your readers might know, there is a popular zoo in Belfast. (Belfast zoo)
But could I ask, is [/i]there a place for zoos in the 21[sup]st[/sup] centuery?
The majority of researched answers are NO.
The public might like to go to a nearby zoo and look at the animals.
They might recall there childhood of eating ice-cream and looking at lions and other big strange animals. But I may stop the readers of the Derry journal.
Stop.
Look out your window. You might see a bird flying freely in the sky. Now think of the zoo animals, being caged and traded like football cards.
When you next go down to the zoo, any one, on holiday abroad home her in Ireland.
Think of the primates when you go and see them. They have a “big” enclosure and play things. And maybe some climbing equipment.
Yes the primates have it nice in the enclosure. You think that anyway.
But no. Think of a small 8 year old child. Lets say there is a monkey bar, ropes and climbing toys in the playground. After half an hour or an hour they will get bored and go away. Some monkeys/primates have to spend several years in the same enclosure.
Politics say, and supporters of the zoos, say they help endangered species. Sadly this is not the case. Take polar bears. They are in grave danger in the wild. There icy home is melting.
So what do zoos do? Breed them. But females are picky with there mates. She can toss her nose you a male. This makes breeding harder. But when a cub, or like most polar bears, twins it is great attraction.
But a report by born free foundation, shows that
Less than the majority (43%) don’t live beyond one year in captivity.
The majority (57%) die.
In the wild the majority of the young live beyond the first year.
But for most people, the animal s that in zoos give the breed a fighting chance. The rspca also did a report for the Britain and Ireland. It showed that elephants in wild live 40years longer than captive elephants. They have many more health problems like osteoroposis, foot problems and weak hearts.
Working elephants in india and asian countries even live longer.
To me the enclourse is the most important place for the animal. I sleeps, eats, plays and live in it. But zoos try to to he best, but it is not good enough. Even in our local zoo and many others in the world .
Animals are living in enclourses 100 times smaller than there home range. Some times it is 1000 times smaller than there minimum [/b]home range.
This causes stress and frustration . which may lead to abnormal behaviours. Some of these include……………..
Pacing: taking a small area to walk around and around. Some times in circles or squares.

Rocking: is a sign of isolation, neglect and other maltreatment. They (the animals of most kinds) rock all the time expect when they are feeding, drinking or sleeping.

Head swaying: aslso a sign of depression and bordom. The animal just swings its head day in day out. (neck problems)

Self multilation: this is a severe form of abnormal behaviour. This happens in domestic animals like cats and dogs. The animal bits its own leg or tail, chews it foot or other parts of the body it can reach.

They are all treatale, but have been found in Belfast zoo and many others .
You might ask me why I am writing this. It is to tell the truth. Basic and as simple as that.
I found that zoos spend over 100,000 pounds/euro every year. So why don’t they use it to help the animals In there natural habitats?
And why are the animals ebdangered? The finger points at man kind.
So this is some thing to think about today.

Yours truely, elena d.

 

[irishbunny]

That's pretty good Elena, there are a couple of small mistakes in it though, I'll just point out what I can see in it, I'll put the corrections in bold.


Dear, sir,
As your readers might know, there is a popular zoo in Belfast. (Belfast zoo)
But could I ask, is there a place for zoos in the 21[sup]st[/sup] century?
The majority of researched answers are NO.
The public might like to go to a nearby zoo and look at the animals.
They might recall there childhood of eating ice-cream and looking at lions and other big strange animals. But may I stop the readers of the Derry journal.
Stop.
Look out your window. You might see a bird flying freely in the sky. Now think of the zoo animals, being caged and traded like football cards.
When you next go down to the zoo, any one, on holiday abroad or home here in Ireland.
Think of the primates when you go and see them. They have a “big” enclosure, play things and maybe some climbing equipment.
Yes the primates have it nice in the enclosure. You think that anyway.
But no. Think of a small 8 year old child. Lets say there is a monkey bar, ropes and climbing toys in the playground. After half an hour or an hour they will get bored and go away. Some monkeys/primates have to spend several years in the same enclosure.
Politics say, and supporters of the zoos, say they help endangered species. Sadly this is not the case. Take polar bears. They are in grave danger in the wild. Their icy home is melting.
So what do zoos do? Breed them. But females are picky with their mates. She can toss her nose at a male. This makes breeding harder. But when a cub, or like most polar bears, twins are a great attraction.
But a report by born free foundation, shows that
Less than the majority (43%) don’t live beyond one year in captivity.
The majority (57%) die.
In the wild the majority of the young live beyond the first year.
But for most people, the animals that are in zoos give the breed a fighting chance. The rspca also did a report for Britain and Ireland. It showed that elephants in wild live 40 years longer than captive elephants. They have many more health problems like osteoroposis, foot problems and weak hearts.
Working elephants in india and asian countries even live longer.
To me the enclosure is the most important place for the animal. It sleeps, eats, plays and lives in it. But zoos try to to he best, but it is not good enough. Even in our local zoo and many others in the world .
Animals are living in enclosures 100 times smaller than there home range. Some times it is 1000 times smaller than there minimum home range.
This causes stress and frustration . which may lead to abnormal behaviours. Some of these include……………..
Pacing: taking a small area to walk around and around. Some times in circles or squares.

Rocking: is a sign of isolation, neglect and other maltreatment. They (the animals of most kinds) rock all the time expect when they are feeding, drinking or sleeping.

Head swaying: aslso a sign of depression and bordom. The animal just swings its head day in day out. (neck problems)

Self multilation: this is a severe form of abnormal behaviour. This happens in domestic animals like cats and dogs. The animal bits its own leg or tail, chews it foot or other parts of the body it can reach.

They are all treatale, but have been found in Belfast zoo and many others .
You might ask me why I am writing this. It is to tell the truth. Basic and as simple as that.
I found that zoos spend over 100,000 pounds/euro every year. So why don’t they use it to help the animals in there natural habitats?
And why are the animals endangered? The finger points at man kind.
So this is some thing to think about today.

Yours truely, elena d.

Very well written though, are you going to try and get it published or is it just for school?

 

[irishlops]

only for school.
is it welll written? not me!
ill fix the spelling in the original now.

 

[Becca]

irishlops wrote:

i menttr o send a lettero a local news paper about zoos...
so here it is.

Dear, sir,
As your readers might know, there is a popular zoo in Belfast. (Belfast zoo)
But could I ask, is there a place for zoos in the 21[sup]st[/sup] centuery? sp
The majority of researched answers are NO.
The public might like to go to a nearby zoo and look at the animals.
They might recall there childhood of eating ice-cream and looking at lions and other big strange animals. But I may stop the readers of the Derry journal.
Stop.
Look out your window. You might see a bird flying freely in the sky. Now think of the zoo animals, being caged and traded like football cards.
When you next go down to the zoo, any one, on holiday abroad home her in Ireland.
Think of the primates when you go and see them. They have a “big” enclosure and play things. And maybe some climbing equipment.
Yes the primates have it nice in the enclosure. You think that anyway.
But no. Think of a small 8 year old child. Lets say there is a monkey bar, ropes and climbing toys in the playground. After half an hour or an hour they will get bored and go away. Some monkeys/primates have to spend several years in the same enclosure.
Politics say, and supporters of the zoos, say they help endangered species. Sadly this is not the case. Take polar bears. They are in grave danger in the wild. There icy home is melting.
So what do zoos do? Breed them. But females are picky with there mates. She can toss her nose you a male. This makes breeding harder. But when a cub, or like most polar bears, twins it is great attraction.
But a report by born free foundation, shows that
Less than the majority (43%) don’t live beyond one year in captivity.
The majority (57%) die.
In the wild the majority of the young live beyond the first year.
But for most people, the animal s that in zoos give the breed a fighting chance. The rspca also did a report for the Britain and Ireland. It showed that elephants in wild live 40years longer than captive elephants. They have many more health problems like osteoroposis, foot problems and weak hearts.
Working elephants in india and asian countries even live longer.
To me the enclourse is the most important place for the animal. I sleeps, eats, plays and live in it. But zoos try to to the best, but it is not good enough. Even in our local zoo and many others in the world .
Animals are living in enclourses 100 times smaller than there home range. Some times it is 1000 times smaller than there their (i think) minimum home range.
This causes stress and frustration . Which may lead to abnormal behaviours. Some of these include……………..
Pacing: taking a small area to walk around and around. Some times in circles or squares.

Rocking: is a sign of isolation, neglect and other maltreatment. They (the animals of most kinds) rock all the time expect when they are feeding, drinking or sleeping.

Head swaying: also a sign of depression and bordom. The animal just swings its head day in day out. (neck problems)

Self multilation: this is a severe form of abnormal behaviour. This happens in domestic animals like cats and dogs. The animal bits its own leg or tail, chews it foot or other parts of the body it can reach.

They are all treatable, but have been found in Belfast zoo and many others .
You might ask me why I am writing this. It is to tell the truth. Basic and as simple as that.
I found that zoos spend over 100,000 pounds/euro every year. So why don’t they use it to help the animals In there natural habitats?
And why are the animals endangered ? The finger points at man kind.
So this is some thing to think about today.

Yours truely, elena d.

Very very good Though instead of starting a new line for each sentance make sure you keep it on the same line, you are probably doing that to create an impact but the short sentences are enough to do that

I have corrected main mistakes I saw, (mostly spellings) I hope they are correct

 

[irishbunny]

Cool, it is good though.

 

[Becca]

Whoops didn't see that Gracie had already replied! Sorry lol!

 

[irishlops]

:bunnydance:
i dont normally get good remarks about english:blushan:
spelling here i come

 

[TinysMom]

I'm putting my corrections in red...

irishbunny wrote:

That's pretty good Elena, there are a couple of small mistakes in it though, I'll just point out what I can see in it, I'll put the corrections in bold.


Dear, (take out the comma between dear & sir)Sir,
As your readers might know, there is a popular zoo in Belfast. (Belfast zoo)
But could I ask, is there a place for zoos in the 21[sup]st[/sup] century?
The majority of researched answers are NO.
The public might like to go to a nearby zoo and look at the animals.
They might recall there (their)childhood of eating ice-cream and looking at lions and other big strange animals. But may I stop the readers of the Derry journal.
Stop.
Look out your window. You might see a bird flying freely in the sky. Now think of the zoo animals, being caged and traded like football cards.
When you next go down to the zoo, any one, on holiday abroad or home here in Ireland. <----That is not a complete sentence. The sentence should include WHAT they should do when they next go down to the zoo.
Think of the primates when you go and see them. They have a “big” enclosure, play things and maybe some climbing equipment.
Yes the primates have it nice in the enclosure. You think that anyway.
But no. Think of a small 8 year old child. Lets say there is a monkey bar, ropes and climbing toys in the playground. After half an hour or an hour they will get bored and go away. Some monkeys/primates have to spend several years in the same enclosure.
Politics say, and supporters of the zoos, say they help endangered species. Sadly this is not the case. Take polar bears. They are in grave danger in the wild. Their icy home is melting.
So what do zoos do? Breed them. But females are picky with their mates. She can toss her nose at a male. This makes breeding harder. But when a cub, or like most polar bears, twins are a great attraction. <---I'm probably being picky here but this doesn't seem like a complete thought to me. I'm reading this and thinking "But when a cub WHAT??"
But a report by born free foundation, shows that
Less than the majority (43%) don’t live beyond one year in captivity.
The majority (57%) die.
In the wild the majority of the young live beyond the first year. (Do you have stastics for this? Because most nature shows I've watched on various animals stress how many young animals die in the wild. I'd get proof to back this up).
But for most people, the animals that are in zoos give the breed a fighting chance. The rspca (Capitalize RSPCA because they are an organization)also did a report for Britain and Ireland. It showed that elephants in wild live 40 years longer than captive elephants. They have many more health problems like osteoroposis, foot problems and weak hearts. (Who has more health problems - the captive ones or wild ones? They isn't specific enough when you talk about both types of elephants in the sentence before).
Working elephants in india and asian countries even live longer. (You need to capitalize India and Asian - although I'm not sure about Asian).
To me the enclosure is the most important place for the animal. It sleeps, eats, plays and lives in it. But zoos try to to he best, but it is not good enough. (You have two buts in the same sentence which means they cancel each other out. Perhaps "Although zoos try...").Even in our local zoo and many others in the world . This isn't a complete sentence.
Animals are living in enclosures 100 times smaller than there home range. Some times it is 1000 times smaller than there their minimum home range.
This causes stress and frustration . which may lead to abnormal behaviours. Some of these include……………..
Pacing: taking a small area to walk around and around. Some times in circles or squares. The last sentence isn't a complete sentence.

Rocking: is a sign of isolation, neglect and other maltreatment. They (the animals of most kinds) rock all the time expect when they are feeding, drinking or sleeping.

Head swaying: aslso (also) a sign of depression and bordom(boredom). The animal just swings its head day in day out. (neck problems)

Self multilation: this is a severe form of abnormal behaviour. This happens in domestic animals like cats and dogs. The animal bits bites its own leg or tail, chews its foot or other parts of the body it can reach.

They are all treatable, but have been found in Belfast zoo and many others .
You might ask me why I am writing this. It is to tell the truth. Basic and as simple as that. Basic & simple - not a complete sentence.
I found that zoos spend over 100,000 pounds/euro every year. So why don’t they use it to help the animals in there their natural habitats?
And why are the animals endangered? The finger points at man kind. mankind
So this is some thing something to think about today.

Yours truely, elena d.

Yours Truly,
Elena D.

Very well written though, are you going to try and get it published or is it just for school?

 

[irishlops]

thanks now ill improve my english

 

[irishlops]

and marks problbly!!!!!
thanmks every one. the mistakes are fixed in to original document.

 

[JadeIcing]

Another reason RO rocks! Homework help.

 

[irishlops]

JadeIcing wrote:

Another reason RO rocks! Homework help.

:rofl::blushan::shhhh::highfive:inkelepht::upsidedown::hyper::thanks: